The Tea Potty (pt 9-Clowns & Commodians)

(A BALLSY  HISS-STORY OF THE “BAGGERS” AND OTHER LOONY TUNE MOVEMENTS)

(Pt. 9 CLOWNS & COMMODIANS (And that’s not a misspelling))

These individuals would ordinarily be considered comedy relief, except that they are just not that funny (unless you mean funny-crazy, not funny-ha ha).

 

Sharron Angle

Sharron Angle is a prime example of how far American politics has fallen. (And, it wasn’t all that lofty in the first place.)

This advocate of “2nd Amendment Solutions(i.e. if you don’t like the election results, grab a gun and change them) was the actual real life Tea Potty Republican candidate for U.S. Senator from Nevada. She achieved that high position by beating out another Tea Potty favorite: Sue “Pay your doctor with a chicken” Lowden.

Now, we’re talking Nevada here, so you have to expect a bit of “kook” in their politics, but Sharron is “beyond the pale”. (Ever wonder what “the pale” is and what’s beyond it? Check out the answer here.)

Among her positions:

  • The Department of Education should be eliminated (She’s living proof that edjamacation is jist waisted on sume peapoles);
  • The U.N. is unconstitutional. (Ok, to be entirely honest, the U.N. isn’t mentioned in the constitution.);
  • Opposes abortion even in cases of rape or incest, saying it’s against god’s “plan” (So god plans on a woman being brutally assaulted and forced to fuck some asshole and get knocked up in the process? That’s just SICK!);
  • Doesn’t believe the Constitution mandates separation of church and state; (“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof” – 1st Amendment)
  • Believes in separation of church and state in places like Dearborn Michigan and Frankford, Texas that have imaginary Sharia laws.

The list goes on and on, but I’ve got 14 more turkeys to baste.

I will say that Sharron is in favor of freedom of the press. As in freedom to ask the questions that she wants to answer.

Otherwise not so much.

She lost the election.

 

Michele Bachmann

If Michele Bachmann didn’t exist, comedians would lose a hell of a lot of source material. The woman is a walking joke. Unfortunately, the jokes on us. (Or at least on the idiots that elected her.)

Now, I will grant you that Michele is a farce to be reckoned with. She holds sway over a significant portion of the mentally lazy. And, of course, the “tame-stream media” loves her. (To understand why, check out “There Are Not Two Sides to Every Story” right here on the “Grouchy Blog”.) She even ran for President and won the Iowa “pay-to-play” straw poll.

Michele, like a lot of Republican candidates, say that god told them to run. (I wonder if he ever told them why.)

Of course, Michele says a lot of silly things:

  • “I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people in Congress and find out: Are they pro-America or anti-America?” (I wonder which America she’s talking about – hers or ours?)
  • “Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn’t even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas.” (So there! ;-P)
  • “If we took away the minimum wage — if conceivably it was gone — we could potentially virtually wipe out unemployment completely because we would be able to offer jobs at whatever level.” (50 cents an hour anyone?)
  • “But we also know that the very founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States. …. men like John Quincy Adams, who would not rest until slavery was extinguished in the country.” (The Founding Fathers did not work to end slavery, they allowed it. And, John Quincy Adams was not one of the “Founding Fathers”. His father was.)
  • “I want people in Minnesota armed and dangerous on this issue of the energy tax because we need to fight back. (For another “2nd Amendment advocate”, see Sharron Angle)
  • “Unelected bureaucracies will decide what we can and can’t get in future health insurance. That’s why they’re call death panels. (Shades of Sister Sarah.)
  • “I don’t know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We’ve had an earthquake; we’ve had a hurricane. He said, ‘Are you going to start listening to me here?'” (The earthquake and hurricane she’s referring to only affected “red states”. Hmmmm. Maybe she’s right on this one.)

 

Glenn Beck

Glenn “Conspiracies-R-Us” Beck (formerly the host of “Captain Beck and the A-Team”) is a self-described “rodeo clown“.  Unfortunately, he’s just not that damn funny. (Unless you count “funny-in-the-head). He also thinks he’s Howard Beale and the ghost of W. Cleon Skousen.

He used to work at CNN (at the beginning of its decline) and then he jumped to Faux Noise. (A match made in heaven or that other place?) After his ratings tanked and, more importantly, 57 advertisers refused to be seen on his show, he was invited by Fox to strike out on his own.

Anyway, other than his Vicks Vapor Rub assisted crying jags, Captain Beck is famous for his conspiracy theories such as:

  • The dollar will collapse in the next few years and, lacking sufficient gold (I guess Goldline will have sold it all.) the government will create a new currency based on land and use Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac to forcibly seize land from U.S. citizens. In order to control Americans who resist having their land taken, the government will get China to come in and keep order in exchange for “a piece of our oil, coal, mineral reserves, land.”
  • The nation’s problems are the end result of a 100 year old progressive conspiracy conceived by Teddy Roosevelt and Woody Wilson to produce a “socialist utopia” in the U.S. So far this has led to millions of deaths at the hands of the communists who are in on the deal. (Don’t ask me how the communists got involved in this. I have absolutely no idea. Although, my personal opinion is that a couple of synapses in Beck’s brain(?) misfired and this was the result.)
  • Obama wants to create his own civilian army that will be deployed to implement socialism or Marxism “This is what Hitler did with the SS. He had his own people. He had the brownshirts and then the SS.” The Transportation Safety Authority will become part of the “Civilian National Security Force” and then the mailmen will join and be armed, (Tell your pooch to be careful.) and then will become 200,000 sets of eyes spying on Americans.The global warming movement is about population control.
  • The U.S. is now an Axis country on climate change, on the wrong side of history. A proposed U.N. treaty on climate change would undermine U.S. sovereignty in favor of a communist world government. And, it’s all a scam because Beck claims the Earth has seen no warming in the past decade.

    Click me for better view

    Not only that, but Arctic sea ice is increasing.

  • Cap and trade legislation is a “redistribution of wealth” scam and would give the president emergency powers to take over industries, and some cap and trade supporters are treasonous.
  • The Arab Spring isn’t about politics, it’s is about world domination. It’s the first step towards the emergence of a Muslim caliphate that would control the Mideast and parts of Europe.

 

Jan Brewer

Behold the Wicked Witch of the Southwest! (Where’s Dorothy and that damned house when you really need them?)

I spent my high school (Mesa Union High – “GO JACKRABBITS!“) and college (ASU Where The Bold Saguaros Raise Their Arms On High) years in AZ.

I was a Republican. One of my friend’s father was a Republican state rep and the family of the “love of my life” was friends with the Goldwaters. Carl Hayden had been Senator since forever (actually since 1927). There was a “Right-to-work” law (aka “Right-to-screw-the-worker” law) and nobody liked the “beaners”. In other words, the state was conservative, and for that matter, so was I. (Good little Mormon lad and all that.)

Eventually, I left (escaped) and grew up (started thinking). I’d always assumed over the years that the state had grown up as well. After all, they had elected Raul Castro (no relation) in ’75 and Bruce Babbit in ’78. Of course there was also Ev Mecham in ’87, but they dumped him mid-term.

However, looking through their recent history, it appears I was a bit over-optimistic about the “growing up” part:

  • They still have the “screw-the-worker” law. (They aren’t even required to give lunch breaks.);
  • They enacted the “Show Me Your Papers” Law. (Raul Castro was detained recently on suspicion that he wasn’t an American citizen. He was caught “driving while Hispanic”.);
  • Maricopa County has probably the most bigoted law enforcement officer since Bull Connor. (Hopefully for not too much longer. The Feds are closing in on the “Toughest Sheriff in America“);
  • They passed a law that says that pregnancy begins at the end of your last period. (Even before the “fun stuff” happens.);
  • They passed another law that allows employers to deny insurance coverage for contraceptives based on the employer’s religious beliefs. (Hey, if we’re going to give employers’ religious beliefs control over employees, I want to work for a Rastafarian.);
  • They re-elected Jan Brewer.

“Jan-the-man” believes (You can’t use the word “thinks” in a sentence involving her.) that:

  • Most illegal immigrants are “drug mules”. (With absolutely no proof to back up her ridiculous claim.);
  • Law enforcement agencies have discovered beheaded bodies in the Arizona Desert. (That was a lie repudiated by county coroner’s offices, county sheriffs and the U.S. Border Patrol.)
  • The chairman of the Arizona Independent Redistricting Commission should be impeached for gross misconduct. (The gross misconduct in question was drawing congressional districts so there would be competitive races between the Democratic and Republican candidates.)

And, then there was the “Giving Obama the finger” incident.

 

Herman Cain

Mr. Niner, Niner, Niner hisself. Herman is one of a couple of people on this list who could actually make it as an “on purpose” comedian. (As opposed to an accidental one.)

He’s got the look, he’s got the presence, and he has a sense of humor. (Warped though it may be.) On top of all that, he’s “cutting edge” (if you’re a Republican’t) For instance his “Koch brother from another mother” joke was hilarious and brought down the house at the Americans for Prosperity gathering. (And, this is a group that hates interracial sex.)

Then there’s his “Electric Border Fence” and “Tiger Woods for President” routines. And, who can forget his uproarious “Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan“?

With the right writers, WOW! I could see him headlining the Gridiron Dinner in a couple of years. For that matter, think about a Comedy Channel lineup of Stewart, Colbert & Cain. Dynamite ratings almost guaranteed. Plus, no one would ever bother about his extra-curricular sexual activities. I mean, that sort of thing is de rigueur with celebrities, right?

 

Ann Coulter

You’ve already met the Wicked Witch of the Southwest. Here’s the Wicked Witch of the Northeast. (And still no sign of Dorothy or the house.)

Some of the wing-nuts on the right are just downright stupid, some fake it for monetary or political benefit, and some are just damn mean.

Ann Coulter is the “Queen of Mean” (Sorry Loretta Hemsley, but you’re dead anyway and your dog doesn’t miss you):

  • I have to say I’m all for public floggingMSNBC (March 1997)
  • That was the theme of the Million Mom March: I don’t need a brain — I’ve got a wombFor Womb the Bell Tolls” (May 2000)
  • God said so: Go forth, be fruitful, multiply, and rape the planet — it’s yours
  • I think [women] should be armed but should not vote … women have no capacity to understand how money is earnedPolitically Incorrect (February 2001)
  • We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity.
  • My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times building.”
  • Liberals hate AmericaLiberals hate religion because politics is a religion substitute for liberals and they can’t stand the competitionSlander: Liberal Lies About the American Right (2002)
  • I’m getting a little fed up with hearing about, oh, civilian casualties. I think we ought to nuke North Korea right now just to give the rest of the world a warning.New York Observer (10 January 2005)
  • Frankly, I’m not a big fan of the First Amendment.University of Florida (21 October 2005)
  • I think the government should be spying on all Arabs, engaging in torture as a televised spectator sport, dropping daisy cutters wantonly throughout the Middle East and sending liberals to Guantanamo.”

There are a lot more examples, but I’m getting nauseous. However, I do want to close out with one final quote: “The reason propaganda works is that most people are too involved or too stupid to recognize it as propaganda.Left Is ‘out to Destroy the Country’ (2002)

Careful baggers, she shoots to ill!

 

Victoria Jackson

This person is an SNL alumni? Seriously? Was she ever actually funny or was this during one of SNL’s ratings nadirs when they were scrambling for anything or anybody?

(She what? Her shtick was to stand on her head and recite poetry? You’re kidding. Really? Well, that explains a hell of a lot. But I gotta tell ya, Lorne must have been really loaded the day he hired her.)

I think this video clip of Vicky says it better than any verbiage I could summon up.

If you really have to know even more about TeaPee Vicky, check this bio out.

 

Rush  Limbaugh

Why waste words drawing a picture of Rush B.F.L.* Limbaugh when he can say it so much better. (*B.F.L.: Big Fat Liar)

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Rush’s greatest (s)hits:

I think that pretty well covers it, except for the Sandra Fluke “incident”

Well, once again, this particular section has grown entirely too big for a single post. So (hopefully, for the last time) I’m going to split it into two parts. Next episode, we’ll dissect Billo the clown, Saint Orum and several other creatures from strange planets. (Speaking of which, wait till you get a load of Planet Orly.)

Until then, be nice to each other. We all need all the friends we can get.

Grouchy

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