The Myth, Mythos & Myths of the NRA (pt 1: 2nd Amendment Bullshit)

  • Myth: A fiction or half-truth, especially one that forms part of an ideology. (legend, story, tradition, fiction, saga, fable, parable, allegory, fairy story, folk tale, urban myth, urban legend, illusion, story, fancy, fantasy, imagination, invention, delusion, superstition, fabrication, falsehood, figment, tall story, cock and bull story)
  • Mythos: The underlying system of beliefs, especially those dealing with supernatural forces, characteristic of a particular cultural group.
  • Myths: Plural of myth.
  • NRA: Stage name for the National Rifle Manufactures’ Association of Lobbyists.

When  you were a kid, did you ever play “cops & robbers”, “star wars” or “cowboys & Indians,”?

Well, the NRA want’s you to play it “for realzies”!

Ok, let me get a few things out of the way before we get started:

  • I am not anti-gun, however I do tend to be anti-shooting of anything living.
  • I’m also not anti-gun owner. I’m fascinated by medieval swords, but that doesn’t mean that I would ever hack someone to death with one, any more than the average gun owner would be irresponsible with their usage. (Gun-buttheads, on the other hand……)
  • I understand hunting for food when there isn’t a supermarket within a mile or so, but don’t try to tell me hunting is a sport. There’s only two ways in which hunting could be considered a sport. 1) Weaponless hunting. (i.e. mano-a-bestia) Just you and the bear, and may the best critter win. 2) When they develop a weapon that an animal can accurately fire back. (In other words, you can bare arms if they can arm bears.) THEN it’s a sport. Until then, non-food hunting is just a substitute for a shriveled dick.Nuff said!
  • I do enjoy target shooting. In fact, that was my favorite part of the army (other than not “re-uping”).
  • I realize that there are situations and places where a gun is more or less appropriate. (Despite what the nutters think, churches, schools and bars are not among those places.) When I was in concert promotion, I used to have to carry a heavy amount of cash from time to time. I carried police-grade mace, but I can understand carrying a gun if you are properly trained in how and when to use it and when NOT to use it.

I should probably reiterate one of my standard disclaimers for those readers new to my postings. I give stupidity and stupid people exactly the respect that they deserve: NOT A DAMN BIT. I’m not talking about ignorance. Ignorance is simply the absence of knowledge, and that’s easily curable. Stupidity seems to be the abhorrence of knowledge as in: “Don’t confuse me with facts, my mind’s already made up!” Unfortunately, stupidity seems to be incurable.

My regular readers know that I like to inject a bit of humor in my posts “to make the medicine go down”. And, there will be the usual amount of jabs & jibes at gun-buttheads in general, the NRA in particular, and Ted Nugent specifically. But, don’t think for a second that I find real gun violence in the least bit funny. It is an absolute tragedy that in a lot of ways is uniquely American.

Be warned that there are three rather looooong lists included (free of charge, of course). At the end of this post you’ll find a militia list. (In case you get a hankerin’ to join.) In pt. 5 (when I finish it) you’ll find the NRA “Enemies” list, an abridged version of their much longer one. These first two lists are for skimming. However, you might want to check out the “Collateral Damage” list in more depth. It comes in pt. 3: “Collateral Damage“, complete with links to more info.



There are many myths that have found their way into “the American Story”. Some were tall tales to begin with, like Pocahontas or George & the cherry tree. Some were twisted versions of real events like the Boston Tea Party. (It wasn’t about taxation and representation, it was about smuggling profits.) And, some have been shaped (and in some cases, distorted) to advance political goals. Part 1 of this series is about one of those: The 2nd Amendment.

Guns, Slaves & the FF


“A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”

27 words. A bit ungrammatical, even for back in the 1790’s. (And, believe me, I know ungrammatical sentences. I write them all the time.) Still, it looks pretty straight forward. Shouldn’t be any problem understanding it. Right?

Well……It’s amazing how a couple hundred years and varying political mind sets can alter the interpretation.

Ok, this is going to get rather nerdy to start off folks. (Nerdy words for wordy nerds?) Sorry ’bout that, but “sometimes ya jist gotta do whatcha jist gotta do, if ya wanna git’er done. (And, you can quote me on that!)

There were actually two main versions of the 2nd, the one above that congress passed and one that the states ratified. (There were other versions, but they don’t count.) The differences were in capitalization and punctuation, so I used the Congressional version.

First thing to be done is take a close look at the key words in their 1791 context:

  • well-regulated: (adj.) Of a business, military outfit, routine, etc. controlled or supervised to conform to rules, regulations, tradition, etc.
  • Militia: (n.) From Latin militia for miles soldier (military service). In the 1580s, it meant “system of military discipline”. In the 1690’s it meant “citizen army” as distinct from professional soldiers. For what it meant it the 1790’s, I refer you to the 1st & 2nd Militia Acts of 1792 in which militias are addressed as state and local militia companies, not individuals.600 Rounds per minute man And, then of course there’s that pesky ol’ constitution itself. Specifically Article 1, Section 8: To provide for calling forth the Militia to execute the Laws of the Union, suppress Insurrections and repel Invasions; To provide for organizing, arming, and disciplining, the Militia, and for governing such Part of them as may be employed in the Service of the United States, reserving to the States respectively, the Appointment of the Officers, and the Authority of training the Militia according to the discipline prescribed by Congress
  • the right of the people: This particular phrase is used in two other places in the Bill of Rights: The 1st & the 4th. The 1st deals with keeping mythology out of government and giving whackos the legal right to spout absolute garbage. (Without it, there would be no “Bullshit Mtn”.) The 4th deals with probable cause, search warrants and the like.          To both of these amendments, there are limitations. Speech may be free, but not if it’s libelous, or inflames violence. And, if you think that you are immune from warrantless searches and seizures, you haven’t been paying attention the last 12 years.               For instance, the IRS can read your email without a warrant if it’s stored in “the cloud” or if it’s in your computer over 180 days. (Seriously! They can!)                                     Still, the gun-buttheads seem to think their beloved 2nd is exempt from any type of restrictions. Even “District of Columbia v. Hellerdidn’t go that far. (I’ll have more to say on “Heller” in pt. 2: To Heller & Back.))
  • necessary to the security of a free State: In the 1790’s context, does the word “state” refer to geography such as Virginia or the U.S. or does it refer to the population?  Neither! It refers to government, as in: “THE STATE“. Those Militia Acts were set up to deal with situations like Shays’ Rebellion

    Mr Shays & Friend

    and (my personal favorite:) The Whiskey Rebellion. Whee Haw!(I covered that in “The Tea Potty (pt: 1 The Early Years)”.                                        Citizen militias were supposed to be for the protection of the government against armed rebellions. This was essentially a continuation of English law dating back to the Assize of Arms of 1181. More on that in “pt. 2: To Heller & Back”                                           (This is where the “gun-butts” and the 2nd Amendment idiots get it “bass-akword”: The 2nd wasn’t placed there to protect the people from the government, it was placed there to protect the government from the people.       

  • Arms: When the 2nd Amendment was ratified (1791) the weapons available to the military were the same the same weapons available to the general population. Revolutionary Rifles In fact, almost all of the weapons used by the colonists in the Revolutionary war were theirs. In colonial days, a rifle was an essential piece of farm equipment. Unless you lived in a town, a lot of your marketing was done in the surrounding forest. (Ralph’s and/or King Kullen hadn’t invented the supermarket yet.)                                                           Also, you needed rifles to fight off those damn pesky redskins that had the audacious idea that this was their land and we were all illegal immigrants. (They were right!) Actually, there were a lot more raids by immigrants practicing ethnic cleansing against the native population than the other way around. (But, we don’t talk about that aspect very much.)                                                                                                            Now, this may come as a shock to more than a few baggers and gun butts, but it ain’t the 1700’s any more, and civilian and military weaponry ain’t equivalent any more. (More on that in a moment.) Plus, I could be wrong, but I don’t think the Founding Daddy’s ever envisioned 650 rounds per minute weapons or 100 cartridge ammo clips, so saying that they would approve of their indiscriminate private ownership leaves a large gaping hole in logic.
  • shall not be infringed: Viewed in the context of 1181 through 1792, this makes perfect sense. In the context of 2013, it is absolutely ludicrous.                                 Remember, that in the 1790’s the country wasn’t too firmly implanted yet. Plus, there had been a number of rebellions in the recent past such as the aforementioned Shays (MA 1786-87) and Whiskey (PA 1791), as well as the Negro Plot of 1741 (NY 1741), the War of the Regulation (NC & SC 1765-71), the Pennsylvania Mutiny of 1783 (PA 1783), and the then upcoming Frie’s Rebellion (PA 1799-1800).                               The government needed men in arms, but couldn’t afford to pay for too many of them because of major financial problems. (See: The Tea Potty (pt: 1 The Early Years) The solution was simple: Let civilians join organized militias and pay for their own weapons. So, it made a great deal of sense to insert wording forbidding infringements. Otherwise, you could end up with a weaponless militia and what the hell good were those to the state?                                                                                                                       All that being said, I’ve got a not-so-late-breaking news flash for ya: As I said under “the right of the people“, Constitutional rights are infringed all the time. From the FCC to the CIA, they all have lots of exceptions to “not infringing on your rights”. So, that whole argument is D.O.A.!                                          

Lastly, the stated purpose for the amendment (“being necessary to the security of a free State“) no longer exists. The U.S. military can defend the country from enemies both foreign and domestic quite nicely! (They damn well better be able to, we spend over 42% of the world’s military budget on them.)

Active right-wing militia groups in the United States as of 2010

And finally, going back to the “militia” part, check out this list of militias (in your back yard?) Then, ask yourself a question: “Do you really feel safer with these people armed to the teeth and looking for trouble”?

MILITIA group name State, county or locale
2nd Alabama Militia Alabama, Mobile
Alabama Shoals Badgers Alabama, Tuscumbia
Alaska Citizens Militia Alaska, Nikiski
Arizona Citizens Militia Arizona, Douglas
Arizona Militia Arizona, Glendale
Cochise County Militia Arizona, Tombstone
Northern Arizona Militia Arizona, Flagstaff
Militia of Washington County Arkansas, Fayetteville
American Resistance Movement All States, USA/Nation-Wide area
State of California Unorganized Militia California, Monrovia
Minutemen Militia Colorado, Fort Collins
Florida Free Alliance Florida, Nokomis
Florida Free Militia Florida, Palm Coast
Georgia Militia Georgia, Chatham County
Militia of Georgia Georgia, Lawrenceville
Idaho Citizens Constitutional Militia Idaho, statewide
North Idaho Light Foot Militia Idaho, Bonner County
135th Illinois Volunteer Cavalry Illinois, statewide
Illinois State Militia (Unorganized) 167th Battalion, 21st FF Illinois, statewide
Indiana Citizens Volunteer Militia, 3rd Brigade Indiana, Tippecanoe County
Indiana Constitutional Militia Indiana, statewide
Indiana Militia Corps Indiana, Statewide
Indiana Sedentary Militia Indiana, Hendricks County
Indiana Sons of Liberty Indiana, Statewide
Indiana’s Greene County Militia Indiana, Greene County
Indiana State Militia 14th Regiment Indiana, Owen County
Kansas State Militia Kansas, Wichita
1st Joint Public Militia Kentucky, Bowling Green
Kentucky State Militia – Ohio Valley Command Kentucky, Louisville
Northern Kentucky Militia 105th “Blue Guard” Kentucky, Bracken,Mason,Pendleton,Countys
Louisiana Militia Louisiana, statewide
Louisiana Unorganized Militia Louisiana, Abbeville
Maine Constitutional Militia Maine, statewide
Southern Sons of Liberty Maryland, statewide
Delta 5 Mobile Light Infantry Militia Michigan, Eaton County
East-Central Volunteer Militia of Michigan Michigan, Lapeer County
Hutaree Militia Michigan, Southern
Jackson County Volunteers Michigan, Jackson County
Lenawee County Free and Independent Militia Michigan, Adrian
Michigan Militia Michigan, Redford
Michigan Militia Corps Wolverines 8th Division Michigan, South Central
Northern Michigan Backyard Protection Militia Michigan, Northern
Southeast Michigan Volunteer Militia Michigan, 13 counties
West Michigan Volunteer Militia Michigan, Muskegon County
Capitol City Militia Michigan, Eaton County and Ingham County
Mid Michigan Militia Michigan,7 Counties,centered around Ingham County
Ocqueoc Militia Michigan, Presque Isle County, Montmorency County, Alpena County, Cheboygan County
Minnesota Militia/Army of Mississippi Minnesota, St. Cloud
Minnesota Minutemen militia Minnesota
Constitution Defense Militia of Attala County (CDMAC) Mississippi, Attala County
East Central Mississippi Militia Mississippi, East Central
Missouri Militia Missouri, Kansas City
Militia of Montana Montana, Noxon
New Hampshire Patriot Militia New Hampshire, statewide
United States Constitution Rangers New Hampshire, West Lebanon
New Jersey Militia New Jersey, Trenton
New Jersey Guardian Angels New Jersey, Jackson
Empire State Militia 11th Field Force New York, Northwestern
Sons of Liberty New York, Buffalo
Bloodville Volunteers New York, Saratoga County
North Carolina Citizens Militia North Carolina, Charlotte
Constitutional Militia of Clark County Ohio, Clark County
Northeastern Ohio Defense Force 3BN Ohio, Lisbon
Northwestern Ohio Defense Force 4BN Ohio, Kenton
Ohio Defense Force State Headquarters Ohio, Zanesville
Ohio Militia Ohio, statewide
Southeastern Ohio Defense Force 3rd Platoon Ohio, Belmont County
Southwestern Ohio Defense Force 5BN Ohio, Lebanon
Unorganized Militia of Champaign County Ohio, St. Paris
Oregon Militia Corps Oregon, statewide
Southern Oregon Militia Oregon, Eagle Point
Keystone Freedom Fighters Pennsylvania, Gettysburg
East Tennessee Militia Tennessee, East
American Patriots for Freedom Foundation Texas, Spring
Central Texas Militia Texas, Central
Texas Well Regulated Militia Texas, Edwards County
Texas State Militia Texas
Virginia Citizens Militia Virginia, Roanoke
King County Volunteer Militia Washington, King County
Kitsap County WA Militia Washington, Kitsap County
Washington State Militia Washington, statewide

Coming up in pt. 2: a trip to the fantasy land inhabited by the partisan hacks in the not-so-Supreme Court. See you next time in “To Heller & Back”


p.s.: If my ramblings don’t revolt you, check out my FaceBook page (“Grouchy’s Grumbles”) you might just enjoy it. Better yet, you might “like” it.  I’d love it if you did.It’s free (and worth every cent) and almost completely painless (other than the usual bad jokes).

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