The Tea Potty (pt 10: Clowns & Commodians cont.)

 (A BALLSY  HISS-STORY OF THE “BAGGERS” AND OTHER LOONY TUNE MOVEMENTS)

(Pt. 10 CLOWNS & COMMODIANS (And that’s not a misspelling) cont.)

 

Christine O’Donnell

Christine O’Donnell – gotta love her! Cute as a three-day old bunny and half as bright. And, she’s funnier than a busted condom.

She’s not afraid to take a stand on such vital American issues as porn: “When a married person uses pornography, or is unfaithful, it compromises not just his (or her) purity, but also compromises the spouse’s purity. As a church, we need to teach a higher standard than abstinence. We need to preach a righteous lifestyle“.

and masturbation: “The Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery. So you can’t masturbate without lust.”  She’s also said that it was a “misconception that you, quote unquote, can’t legislate morality.” (Interestingly, that’s the exact same position that the Taliban takes.)

She also has the distinction of being the only U.S. politician that has ever denied being a witch.

Of course, nobody has ever asked Ms Brewer or Ms Bachmann. (And they should.)

 

Bill O’Reilly

“Billo the Clown” as Keith calls him.

Believe it or not, I used to work with this jerk. Of course, that’s before Bill became “BILL“. He was an anchor at a Portland TV station, and in fairness, he read the teleprompter quite well.

That’s all that most TV anchors are – news readers. They really don’t get out in the field and practice their craft too awful much. There’s a tiny bit more on this subject in my post “There Are Not Two Sides To Every Story(Shameless plug #103,872,583)

You’ll recall that back in “The Tea Potty (pt.8)(Shameless plug #103,872,584) I mentioned that Roger Ailes had learned his lesson about hiring journalists with integrity. Billo’s living proof of that.

He will push whatever Fox’s talking points are on any specific day. If gas prices go up under George “Duh”, then the president has absolutely no control over prices at the pump. If Obama’s president when it happens, It’s all Obama’s fault!

He lies. Then when he’s caught in the lie, he says he never said it. On May 19th, 2000 he said “We won Peabody awards!” He was referring to the TV tabloid “Inside Edition”, the program he anchored before Fox. When Al Franken pointed out that Inside Edition never won a Peabody, (It won the lesser Polk Award, and that was after he left.) Billo said “Guy says about me, couple of weeks ago, ‘O’Reilly said he won a Peabody Award.’ Never said it. You can’t find a transcript where I said it.

He considers himself somewhat of a historian, but he’s not actually very good at history. His book on Lincoln is a good example There were multiple errors in it, including several references to the Oval Office which didn’t exist back then. The National Park Service refused to sell it at Ford’s Theater because of the inaccuracies.

I don’t think science is Billo’s strongest subject either. He probably never studied it at all or he went to school in Alabama. (or Arkansas…or Georgia…or Kansas…or Kentucky…or South Carolina.)

I’ll tell you why [religion is] not a scam, in my opinion. “Tide goes in, tide goes out. Never a miscommunication. You can’t explain that. You can’t explain why the tide goes in.”

Okay, how’d the moon get there? Look, you pinheads who attacked me for this, you guys are just desperate. How’d the moon get there? How’d the sun get there? How’d it get there? Can you explain that to me? How come we have that and Mars doesn’t have it? Venus doesn’t have it. How come? Why not? How’d it get here? How did that little amoeba get here, crawl out there? How’d it do it?

 

Sarah Palin

Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce a lady who needs no introduction. She’s the 2008 Republican candidate for Vice President of the United States, the 1/2 Governor of Alaska, the all-time tea potty fave-o-right and, lest we forget, the winner of the 1984 Miss Wasilla Beauty Pageant: Ms Sarah Palin!  (Too bad about that habitual eye twitch condition. Kind of screws up her face funny)

Of course she has other claims to fame as well:

  • She’s a brilliant historian. She alone figured out that Paul Revere was actually trying to warn the British, despite whatever that Longfellow guy wrote. (June 12, 2011);
  • She has in-depth knowledge of the diplomatic world. For example, she knows about our secret pact with our North Korean allies. (Nov. 24, 2010);
  • She’s no slouch in the geography department either. “They are also building schools for the Afghan children so that there is hope and opportunity in our neighboring country of Afghanistan.” (Oct. 5, 2008)
  • She’s the former star of her own reality show: “Sarah Palin’s Alaska”. (The show bombed, but not to worry, we still have Tina Fey.)
  • She’s a humanitarian! (Or is that a turkeyitarian?) She pardoned a turkey for Thanksgiving while other turkeys were being slaughtered right behind her. (Nov. 20, 2008);
  • But she can hunt down food for the table with the best of them.
  • She also loves hunting just for the sport of it, especially hunting wolves with a machine gun from a helicopter,
  • Need I add that she’s a valued member of the N.R.A.
  • And, to top it off, she looks great photoshopped into a bikini holding a rifle.
  • She’s a prime example of “You don’t vet, you don’t get”. (Otherwise known in political circles as “The Palin Effect”.)

In 2008, a seemingly semi-intelligent John McCain chose her over Willard as his running mate. (Which says loads about Willard.) Immediately every Republican male snapped to attention. (Or at least, a part of him did.)

At the convention, she proved that she is a good speaker. (Studying communications in all those schools helped out.) On the campaign trail she was great in stirring up the base, telling them exactly what they wanted to hear. The rest of the country however, started listening to what she was saying and came to a different conclusion. She was definitely “Not Ready for Prime Time.”

 

Rick Perry

Between George “Duh” and the Rickster, Texas pols are getting a reputation for being downright D-U-M-B! I mean, this man makes Sister Sarah seem semi smart.

Now, I do grant him a little slack here because he’s never had to run a race in which he actually had to know anything to get elected. This was his first time running outside of Texas, for crap sakes.

In Texas you can stir up the baggers (a sizable % of the population) by suggesting Texas could secede from the U.S. Or by calling the Chairman of the Federal Reserve a traitor. (Come to think of it, that works with the Repub Primary crowd just as well.) But, if you’re in a debate with six or seven other candidates (three or four of which might actually have IQ’s over 85), you need to get your shit together. At the very least, if you want to eliminate three departments, you should probably know their names.

The Rickster’s campaign was of the shooting star variety: Bright at first, but rapidly burning out and falling. In the end, he went back to Texas, which probably deserves him.Not to fear, the Rickster has a post-political future. Like Herman “have you seen my salami” Cain, he’s a natural born comedian. Check out the video below and you’ll see what I mean. It’s long, but it’s hilarious.

 

Rick Santorum

Rick Santorum – on a mission from god! (At least that’s what the voices told him.)

Yup, Saint Orum is another one of those politicians that say “god told me to run”. Of course, Michelle, Herman and the Rickster also said the same thing. And, as you might have noticed, they all lost. That proves that either god has a sadistic sense of humor or they’re all liars. (Personally, my money’s on door #2.) Now, Willard has never said that god told him to run, but then again, Willard is pretty secretive about everything.

Have you noticed that all the “god candidates” seem to be Republican. I may have missed it, but I don’t recall any Dems making those claims. (I guess god only talks to those who twist and distort his teachings for their own benefit. See door #1)

One thing you do have to say about Saint Orum – he has convictions and he sticks to them. I’d respect the shit out of that if some of those convictions  weren’t so “14th century” and/or damn scary.

What are some of those convictions? Here they are, straight from the horse’s mouth: (The nether one.)

  • One of the things I will talk about, that no president has talked about before, is I think the dangers of contraception in this country” – Interview with CaffeinatedThoughts.com (October 2011)
  • Earlier in my political career, I had the opportunity to read the speech, and I almost threw up.” –  On JFK’s 1960 speech about the importance of separation of church and state (October 2011)
  • [Gay marriage] is an issue just like 9-11.” – Interview with the Allentown Morning Call (February 2004)
  • The idea that the Crusades and the fight of Christendom against Islam is somehow an aggression on our part is absolutely anti-historical. And that is what the perception is by the American Left who hates Christendom.” – Campaigning for president in South Carolina (February 2011)
  • If the Supreme Court says that you have the right to consensual [gay] sex within your home, then you have the right to bigamy, you have the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest, you have the right to adultery. You have the right to anything.” – AP interview (April 2003)
  • If you haven’t cursed out a New York Times reporter during the presidential campaign, you aren’t a real Republican.” – Fox & Friends (March 2012)
  • I do have concerns about women in frontline combat. I think that can be a very compromising situation, where people naturally may do things that may not be in the interests of the mission because of other types of emotions that are involved… it’s probably not in the best interests of men, women or the mission.” – John King USA (February 2012)
  • It’s about some phony ideal, some phony theology. Oh, not a theology based on the Bible, a different theology, but no less a theology.” – Talking about the president’s agenda at the Ohio Christian Alliance event  (February 2012)
  • President Obama wants everybody in America to go to college. What a snob … Oh, I understand why he wants you to go to college. He wants to remake you in his image.” – speaking to a Tea Party group in Michigan (February 2012)

You might have noticed that I didn’t insert any snarky comments. Didn’t need to. That would be gilding the lily.

Btw, “gilding the lily” has  a Shakespearian origin:                                               “Therefore, to be possess’d with double pomp,
To guard a title that was rich before,
To gild refined gold, to paint the lily,
To throw a perfume on the violet,
To smooth the ice, or add another hue
Unto the rainbow, or with taper-light
To seek the beauteous eye of heaven to garnish,
Is wasteful and ridiculous excess.” King John (1595) (Who says my posts aren’t educational?)

Finally, I’m not going to sink to the level of suggesting that you google “santorum”. Even I have some standards. (Granted, damn few, but some.) All I’ll say about that is that he got into some verbal fisticuffs and had his ass handed to him by a gay guy. (Sorry ’bout the visual image that conjures up. Well… actually, not really.)

 

Orly Taitz

Orly Taitz, the “birther queen” is a woman who gives Glenn Beck a run for his money in the stupid conspiracies department. Even Billo the clown calls her a nut. (And, he knows nuts. And fruitcakes too, for that matter.)

According to Orly, Obama is not a natural-born citizen of the U.S. and is ineligible to be President. In her fantasy world, he was born in Kenya.

She has other misgivings as well: “I am extremely concerned about Obama specifically because I was born in Soviet Union, so I can tell that he is extremely dangerous. I believe he is the most dangerous thing one can imagine, in that he represents radical communism and radical Islam: He was born and raised in radical Islam, all of his associations are with radical Islam, and he was groomed in the environment of the dirty Chicago mafia. Can there be anything scarier than that?”

Ooooh Kay! Let’s take a look at that statement, joke by joke:

  • “…I was born in Soviet Union, so I can tell that he is extremely dangerous”. (Well, I can understand that being born there could make you a bit paranoid, and she obviously is. But, because of that, to automatically know that someone you’ve never even met and obviously know damn little about, is dangerous? I think that’s pushing it just a bit.)
  • “…he is the most dangerous thing one can imagine” (Hmmm.  Actually I can think of two or three more dangerous things, and according to baggers, I have a non-functioning brain.)
  • “…he represents radical communism and radical Islam” (I’m trying to remember the last time radical communism and radical Islam wanted to do anything together, other than kill each other. Hell, I’m trying to remember the first time! Their world views are a tad on the conflicting side.)
  • “He was born and raised in radical Islam…” (In our world, Kenya is a presidential democratic republic with a population that is 47.7% protestant, 23.5% Roman Catholic, 11.2% Muslim, 1.7% indigenous beliefs and 2.4% irreligious. I’m not sure what the mix is on Planet Orly.)
  • “…all of his associations are with radical Islam…” (I’m not quite sure what she means by that, but she probably isn’t either. Does she mean Rev. Wright, Occidental College, Columbia, Harvard, the University of Chicago Law School, the Illinois State Senate and the U.S. Senate? Inquiring minds want to know!)
  • “…he was groomed in the environment of the dirty Chicago mafia” (That statement could cover just about everybody that lives in Chicago. Are they all creatures of the mafia?)
  • Can there be anything scarier than that?” (Yes there can. People who actually believe this drivel.)

Taitz has made other Obama-related claims, including:

  • All of Obama’s gay lovers from his former church have been rubbed out, Chicago-style. (She didn’t want to accuse Obama of doing it, “But those are the facts!“)
  • Obama has dozens of Social Security numbers (Gee, I only have the standard nine.)
  • Taitz claims that a person who was cooperating with the FBI in connection with Obama’s inaccurate passport was “shot in the head”. (Has she ever identified him or provided any proof of that? I don’t think so.)
  • A Kenyan birth certificate with the name Barack Obama is authentic. (There have been a couple of them so far and they’ve been proven forgeries within 24 hours of their release.)
  • (Meanwhile, back on Planet Orly): The first thing Obama did as President was to donate money to Hamas so they could build some more Qassam rockets.
  • (And, while we’re still visiting):Obama’s FEMA is building internment camps for “Anti-Obama dissidents”. (Well, that solves their “bagger problem”.)
  • Osama bin Laden was killed years ago, with his body kept on ice. (I guess “Bush League” just forgot to tell us.) It was kept secret so Obama could divert attention from a court case {Taitz v Dunn} she litigated challenging Obama’s citizenship. She not only lost that case, The court observed that:
  1. “Taitz failed to comply with the rules regarding proper service of opposition pleadings”
  2. “Taitz failed to comply with the mandatory requirements outlined in the statutory scheme for bringing a timely election contest”
  3. “Taitz’s complaint failed to comply with most basic rules regarding the format of contest statements”

This was by far not the only Obama related case she lost. She’s lost cases time after time after time after time. She’s lost in D.C., CA, HI, NH, GA, IN, and MS.

In fact, out of 148 cases filed by Orly and other birther bozos, they’ve already lost 138 of them with 10 pending. They took 70 of those cases to Appellate Court and lost all 70. And, they dragged 22 cases clear up to the Supreme Court. Care to guess how many they lost there? 22Btw, Orly got her law degree at Taft Law School. The State Bar of California Committee of Bar Examiners has registered Taft Law School as an unaccredited correspondence law school.

Taitz has also supported a number of other theories not directly related to Obama, including:

  • Goldman Sachs runs the United States Treasury. (I hate to admit it, but she could be right on that one.)
  • Representative Alcee Hastings and the House of Representatives are planning to build at least six labor camps. (Hey, I thought that was FEMA’s job.)
  • Hugo Chávez (of Venezuela fame) owns the software that runs American voting machines,

 

Allen West

Meet the ghost of Joe McCarthy. (Admittedly, a ghost with a very dark tan.)

Like McCarthy, West seems to see communists everywhere he looks. (And, like McCarthy, he doesn’t have one iota of proof for his accusations,)

For instance, there’s his take on congressional Democrats: “I believe there’s about 78 to 81 members of the Democratic Party that are members of the Communist Party

Since this is the 21st century and communists aren’t quite the boogie men they were in the ’50’s, he’s updated to include Muslims: “We already have a 5th column that is already infiltrating into our colleges, into our universities, into our high schools, into our religious aspect, our cultural aspect, our financial, our political systems in this country. And that enemy represents something called Islam and Islam is a totalitarian theocratic political ideology, it is not a religion. It has not been a religion since 622 AD, and we need to have individuals that stand up and say that.” (March 2010)

And, he contends they are influencing our “national strategy.

And, after all, religious coexistence “would give away our country“.

He compares Democrats to Joseph Goebbels‘ propaganda machine. (Funny, but I have the same opinion of Faux Noise)

Goebbels, lest we forget, was a practitioner of the big lie as laid down by uncle Adolf: “…that in the big lie there is always a certain force of credibility; because the broad masses of a nation are always more easily corrupted in the deeper strata of their emotional nature than consciously or voluntarily; and thus in the primitive simplicity of their minds they more readily fall victims to the big lie than the small lie…Adolf Hitler, Mein Kampf, vol. I, ch. X

For that matter, he’s not too fond of the 1st Amendment: He says we should be censoring American news agencies.

Meanwhile back to the Democrats: “Conversely, the Democratic appetite for ever-increasing redistributionary handouts is in fact the most insidious form of slavery remaining in the world today, and it does not promote economic freedom.”

But, not to worry. He also claims to be “the modern-day Harriet Tubman“.

His solution to the Democrat/liberal problem: “get the hell out of the United States of America.

Oh, and btw: “I must confess, when I see anyone with an Obama 2012 bumper sticker, I recognize them as a threat to the gene pool.”

It’s my opinion that his military service may have warped his viewpoint a bit. Allan was a “bottlecap colonel” (lt. colonel) in the Army with a career lasting 22 years.

However, his career came to a screeching halt due to an incident in which a prisoner was subjected to a beatdown under his supervision; and in which he threatened to kill the man, and in fact, fired a shot which just missed the prisoner’s head. Allen was charged with violating articles 128 (assault) and 134 (general article) of the Uniform Code of Military Justice. The charges were ultimately referred to an Article 15 proceeding and West was fined $5,000.

(Or, all those mouth farts may be just some weird side effect of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.)

Ok, that wraps it up for this episode and the entire series. It’s been a lot longer than my original idea of a 4-parter and I’ve learned a hell of a lot along the way. (Some of which scares the shit out of me.)

Anyway, I hope you’ve been enlightened (and entertained) along the way. Comments, as always, are cherished.

Take care of yourselves. I need all the readers I can get.

Grouchy

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