Wingnut Declares War On Witches Attacking The Trumps

Cotton Mather Lives! (Or, at least his superstitious stupidity does.)

Over the last year or so, a number of troglodyte “Khristians” (As opposed to “Christian,” which they ain’t!) have seen witches coming out of the woodwork.

Last fall, a Family Research Council member, Robert Maginnis, visited Jim Bakker to spread the alarm.

I have personally met people that refer to themselves as witches, people that say they advise the senior leadership of the country. We invite within the federal government people to advise us and often some of those advisers, I think, have evil motivations, things that you and I would not approve of.

And then in February, everybody’s least favorite crazy uncle, Pat Robertson, piped in.

I read that a bunch of witches have gotten together to put a curse on Trump, and I think the Christians need to be praying for him to defend him.

Pat’s Co-Hostess, Wendy Griffith stated that “probably millions” of Christians are praying to cancel out the witches curses. She didn’t mention the “probably millions” of Americans that are praying that Trump will rot in Hell!

In June, warnings started surfacing about witches brewing something up for Summer Solstice.

Rumor had it that the majority of witches were students from Uadaguo [Wag-a-do], the African wizarding school and the event was hosted by its American counterpart, Ilvermorny. There are also unconfirmed sightings of several Hogwarts alumni, including Hermione Weasley. (Just kidding(?) about this part.)

With this cat-ass-trophy on the horizon, the president of Intercessors for America (IFA) issued an urgent call to prayer about this abhorent sacrilege. (And, he knows a thing or three about sacrilege.)

Whether or not this call for spells pans out and people act on it, we feel compelled, as the body of Christ and intercessors, to come against this evil with immediate and powerful prayer.

At one point, a pair of Roman Catholic female eunuchs even outed Katy Perry as a witch. Some unbelievers called this “

Some unbelievers called this “nunsense.” I mean, Katy may get a bit “out there” at times, but I’ve never seen her in proximity of a broom.

On the other hand, just look at all the adolescent males she’s cast a spell on.

Which brings us to the latest (But, not the greatest.) tinfoil slippage about the witchery situation.

Khristian bible beater and Rump licker extraordinaire, Lance Wallnau, has had enough of these witch curses. Lance claims that Rump is ok because sooo many people are praying for him. Besides, Lance has already prayed the impeachment away.

Oh, and Rump is already safe from a stroke as well. A few days ago, he watched fellow troglodyte, Rodney Howard Brown, pray it away.

The devil is trying to get him and his family. And I heard Rodney Howard-Browne say when he laid hands on the president, he was worried there was a stroke coming; well, we veto that stroke in Jesus’ name! That is nothing but stress and we’re breaking it off of him right now.

So, Rump is all prayed-safe, but think of poor Bevis & Butthead, Jarhead, and the rest of family.

Photo Credit: mccauleys-corner

 

 

 

 

 

People are praying for the president, but they’re not necessarily praying for his family. So right now, all those witchcraft curses that did not land on Donald Trump are trying to take out his kids, trying to take out his offspring, trying to attack anything near him.

He knows this for a fact, because he’s seen it before.

Lance remembered when a bud of his was “casting a demon out of somebody” while driving down the highway and the demon jumped right into a dog. The dog jumped out of the car and with the aid of an oncoming vehicle, morphed into a freeway flapjack!

He then went on to state,

We take authority over every hex, vex, spell, jinx, satanic curse, blood curse, every demon assigned to destroy the health of the president, to destroy the health of his family, to harass him, to vex him, to cause him to lose sleep.

In Jesus name, we veto every curse that has been brought against Donald Trump and his family and his administration.

Stay tuned!

Grouchy

h/t: Right Wing Watch
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Are Witches Advising High-Ranking Government Officials?

the-witches-are-hereIt’s a horrible time for “KKKhristians” (as opposed to “Christians”). The witches are here and it’s not even Halloween yet!

Not only that, but Muslims are being given “preferential treatment(Horror of horrors, three of them are even judges!) and “the cross is being degraded in America, the Christians are being—the very thing Jesus said would happen in the Last Days, that we would be, because we serve God, we would be attacked, we would be hated for the name of Christ’s sake. It seems like our nation is kinder to other faiths and Christianity is being put down further and further and further

Ok, let me explain a couple of things before we proceed with this nonsense:

  • Witches don’t exist! At least not the “flying by broomstick,” or “Double, double, toil and trouble” type. Yes, there are Wiccans, but by-and-large, they tend to be pacific in their beliefs and there’s no real magic about them.
  • I use the term “KKKhristians” because these troglodytes’ rantings are the antithesis of Christ’s teachings. He preached love, they preach hate.
  • Islam is just like any other “religion.” There’s good in it and there’s bad in it. If you’re going to judge all Muslims by ISIS, (which destroy’s Islamic holy sites with impunity and is deeply violent) then you have to judge Christianity by the KKK (which hates all races except Caucasian with impunity and has a deep history of violence).

In the fevered mind of some filberts, Islam is taking over the country, lead by that secret Muslim (and suspected Anti-Christ) Barack Hussein Obama. (FYI, his middle name proves he’s Muslim, just like mine “LeRoy” proves I’m a king.)

What’s the purpose of the Islamic conquest you might ask? Why, to impose Sharia Law, of course. (At least that’s what the religious trogs claim.) To be honest, I’m a bit confused why KKKhristians are so opposed to that, since Sharia Law is almost exactly the same as Evangelical Law, which they support.

Ok, so what do Muslims taking over and Witches in high councils have to do with one another?

Both “items” were the subject of discussion yesterday’s (9/22/16) on Jim Bakker’s program. You remember Jimmy. He’s the “family values” televangelist who cheated on his wife and diddled his secretary. Then he got several years of rock hockey lessons at the Iron Bar Inn for defrauding his “church.” Well, Jim’s out and back to the old con.

Jimmy was a bit unhappy about Obama having the nerve to nominate another Muslim attorney to be a federal judge. His guest was Robert Maginnis, a member of the Family Research Council. After Jimmy made the above “the cross is being degraded” statement, Bobby agreed, adding “the persecution against Christians is rampant in the Pentagon and that the Obama administration is aggressive against Christians.

He then went on to claim that he had met with witches that advised government big wigs in Washington D.C.

I have personally met people that refer to themselves as witches, people that say they advise the senior leadership of the country. We invite within the federal government people to advise us and often some of those advisers, I think, have evil motivations, things that you and I would not approve of.

If you have the stomach or the stomach medicine for it, here’s the video: