Rapture Begins Saturday as ‘Planet Nibiru’ Collides with Earth

Are you righteous enough to be “raptured?”

If not, stop by Jim Bakker’s website to pick up your needed survival food and gear. But, you better get your tail a-movin’ because we’re going to collide with another planet, come Saturday [9/23/17].

COST SAVING ALERT!!!:

If the planet playing bumper-cars has a diameter of more than 60 miles, save your money. Anything larger than that and microbes may not survive.

It seems, according to noted numerologist David Mead, there’s a solar planet called “Nibiru” with a 3000 year orbit that’s going to get a bit too friendly on Saturday.

For starters, he’s got the number to prove it: 33!

As Mead explained it to the Washington Post,

Jesus lived for 33 years. The name Elohim, which is the name of God to the Jews, was mentioned 33 times [in the Bible] It’s a very biblically significant, numerologically significant number. I’m talking astronomy. I’m talking the Bible … and merging the two.

And, wouldn’t you know it, this Saturday is 33 days after the solar eclipse. (More on that in a bit.)

Speaking of stuff in the”Good Book,” there’s this gem that’s supposed to occur at the same time.

And a great sign appeared in heaven: a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet, and on her head a crown of 12 stars. She was pregnant and was crying out in birth pains and the agony of giving birth. – Revelation 12:1-2

In case you missed the “true meaning” of that, the woman is the constellation Virgo, her soon-to-be-born son is Jupitor. In other words, the moon, Jupitor and the constellation Virgo are all lined up like a row of ducks. This is supposed to harold J.C.’s “2nd Coming.”

One teensy-weentsy problem with that. It happens about every 12 years

(Btw, would J.C. be riding in on Nibiru or would he have separate transportation?)

BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!

And there shall be signs in the sun, and in the moon, and in the stars; and upon the earth distress of nations, with perplexity; the sea and the waves roaring. – Luke 21:25

Signs in the sun and in the moon = Solar Eclipse: CHECK (Of course, there are, on average, two to four solar eclipses every year.)

And in the stars = Stars going supernova: CHECK (Stars go supernova in the universe, about every second or so.)

Distress of nations = Rump bragging about starting a nuclear war: CHECK (The earth has been under that threat for 70 years from people almost as nut-cake as he is.)

The sea and the waves roaring = Hurricanes: CHECK (Several hurricanes are spawned every year. Yes, they’re getting worse, but that’s due to climate change, not “the 2nd Coming.”)

Oh, and there’s one other minor problem with this scenario: NIBIRU DOESN’T EXIST!

There may be more undiscovered solar planets out there. Very possibly are! However, a planet heading towards Earth could be seen with the naked eye even if it were still nine months out, let alone a few days.

Check out this WaPo article.

In the meantime, enjoy the video. You might get a chuckle or three.

Stay tuned!

Oh, and have a great “End of Days” party Saturday.

Grouchy

Featured Image Credit: NASA/JPL-Caltech/T. Pyle (SSC)

p.s.: If my ramblings don’t revolt you, check out my FaceBook page (“Grouchy’s Grumbles”) you might just enjoy it. Better yet, you might “like” it.  I’d love it if you did. It’s free (and worth every cent) and almost completely painless (other than the usual bad jokes).