Jim Bakker: Mock Me And You’ll Answer To God

Jim Bakker, the self-anointed profit, (Yes, that’s the correct word when it comes to Jimbo.) is upset that some people consider him a con artist and/or a joke! And, some people (such as yours truly) have a hell of a lot lower opinion of him.

For those of you just back from wind surfing on Neptune, a bit of background may be in order.

While serving time at the Iron Bar Inn for various offenses including fraud, Jimbo dreamed up a new scam: Survival Food.

Now, in order to sell survival food, there has to be something to survive. So, Jimbo became a “Khristian” (As opposed to “Christian.”) End Times preacher. His programs are full of prophecies of doom and worse.

Here’s where the propheting for profit comes in, and it goes something like this:

There’s only one itsy, bitsy, teeny, weeny, little spanner in the works. None of this has happened or is happening! (Other than Ringling Brothers closing because the circus wasn’t drawing flies.)

  • No Muslim take over.
  • No big Blue State earthquakes. (A couple monster hurricanes ravaging Red States, though.)
  • If the Apocalypse is on, when was the rapture? (Did Jimbo and the gang miss the rocket ship?)
  • As for the “hellish 42 months?” Well, Rump is still squatting in the Oval Office, so we’ll have to see on that one.

The thing is, people are noticing that Jimbo’s batting average wouldn’t get him on a T-ball team and we’re letting other people know.

Well, Jimbo’s had it and he’s gotten Big Daddy (or whoever the voice in his head is) on his side as well!

When God says something to you, you don’t always know the exact time it’s going to happen. [So] stop beating up the prophets because God says, ‘Woe unto you when you beat up on the prophets.’

God is speaking to his people. The only ones who probably aren’t talking to God these days are mean people in America, people who just are anti-Christ.

If you don’t want to hear it, just shut me off. Especially you folks that monitor me every day to try to destroy me. Just go away. You don’t have to be there, you don’t have to hear it. But one day, you’re going to shake your fist in God’s face and you’re going to say, ‘God, why didn’t you warn me?’ And He’s going say, ‘You sat there and you made fun of Jim Bakker all those years. I warned you but you didn’t listen.’

Earth to Jimbo: Here’s what Big Daddy really said about you. It’s from Ezekiel 13:9:

My hand will be against the prophets who see false visions and utter lying divinations.

Grouchy

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p.s.: If my ramblings don’t revolt you, check out my FaceBook page (“Grouchy’s Grumbles”) you might just enjoy it. Better yet, you might “like” it.  I’d love it if you did. It’s free (and worth every cent) and almost completely painless (other than the usual bad jokes).

Jim Bakker: The Recent Hurricanes Are A Sign That ‘God’s Judgment Is Coming’

Back in the Bronze Age, disasters and other infrequent acts of nature were “SIGNS FROM GOD!” (Or Gods, depending on which mythology you subscribed to.) Of course, so were sheep’s entrails, goose livers and a host of other esoteric items. But that was 3,000 years ago. This is the 21ST CENTURY! We’re all past believing in that mythological nonsense. Right??

Well. Evidently. Not all of us. Take Jim Bakker. (Insert your own snark here.)

Now, a lot of you remember Jimbo from his fraudy, rapey days at PTL. (PTL was supposed to stand for “Praise The Lord,” but “Pass The Loot” was a better fit.)

But, that was the old Jimbo. During an all too brief vacation at the Iron Bar Inn, he found “God.” (Or, at least a safer scam.) Nowadays, he’s an “End-Times” herald and a survival food salesman. (Falls under: Create a need and fill it.)

Food sales must be down a bit, because Jimbo went on his show today [9/12/17] to pitch gloom and doom like he was the devil himself. (Or, at least a close cousin.)

God’s judgment is coming.

Why am I crying out, ‘Prepare, prepare, prepare’? Because somebody put me in prison.

Yeah, that would have been the Feds, after he was convicted on multiple charges.

The devil meant it for evil but … God meant it for good. So I studied every word [in the Bible], so I know what’s coming. This flood didn’t shock me, I saw this flood. New Orleans is going to be covered with water; I don’t know if it’s this week but it’s going to happen. God says it will never come back at one point, unless it repents.

Maybe I missed that part of the “good book,” but I’ll be darned if I remember a passage mentioning New Orleans.

Do you know when these other huge hurricanes hit? Do you know what days they hit? It hit on the decadent days, the days of the decadence parades and all … The hurricane hit in Florida and they were having that parade and it hit on that day and then when it was to hit in New Orleans, it started there.

I don’t have a clue which “decadence parades” he’s referring to. There are so many to choose from. But, it wasn’t Mardi Gras, and you’d think it would be.

God’s judgment is coming. It’s coming whether we want it or not and it’s not because he hates us, he just wants to wake up America. We have mocked God.

So, am I to assume that Big Daddy is going to give the rest of the world a pass and just take out his anger on us? And, if that is the case, why are only “Red States” being hit? (You’d think he’d give Massachusetts a shot across the bay.)

Now, in fairness to Jimbo, he’s not the only “Khristian” (As opposed to “Christian,” which they ain’t!) troglodyte trotting this trail. The “Religious Wrong” blogosphere is replete with them. After all, “Fear is the best fundraiser!”

Stay tuned!

Grouchy

Featured Image Credit: Screen Grab

p.s.: If my ramblings don’t revolt you, check out my FaceBook page (“Grouchy’s Grumbles”) you might just enjoy it. Better yet, you might “like” it.  I’d love it if you did. It’s free (and worth every cent) and almost completely painless (other than the usual bad jokes).

Deranged Jim Bakker Is Sure Trump Is BFF With Jesus–Will Fight Evil Women Who Kill Babies

Jim Bakker, for those of you who don’t keep up with troglodyte bible-thumpers, is a lecherous, larcenist, preacher, who spent a few years learning the finer points of “rock hockey” after being caught for his misdeeds. In 1989,he was sentenced to 45 years in the  “Stony Lonesome,” but he wrangled a sentence reduction and only served five.

Since his release, he’s back at the old con shop, mostly pushing apocalyptic visions of the future and selling survival food and gear. (Of course, if you’re “raptured,” it’s a waste of money.)

To push his predictions, products and profits, he has an online broadcast (The Jim Bakker Show), with guests like Rick Wyles, Rick Joyner, Mike Huckabee and Carl Gallups.

In fact, Mr. Gallups was a guest on last Monday’s (1/16/16) show.

Carl Gallups has all the standard right-wing filbert credentials: He’s anti-gay, claiming it will completely destroy society and lead to enslavement.

He’s against Common Core, because, in his words,

Under Common Core, our smallest children in pre-school, kindergarten, etc. will learn about “the mechanics of homosexual sex because it has now been deemed normal and natural.

He’s also a “Sandy Hook Truther” claiming that the whole thing was a government hoax to justify new firearm restrictions and the grieving parents were actors.

Is it any wonder that Trump said Gallup’s endorsement was a “great honor” during the campaign?

As I said, on Monday Bakker had Gallup as a guest on his show. During their discussion, Bakker went off the deep end (again). He claimed that a million women are getting ready to march (Women’s March on Washington) because they want to kill their babies. They also want to kill Trump, because he’s leading the battle against evil. If they do that,they’re free to “sin.”

During the program, we also found out that Trump is a “born again” Christian (If that’s true, I want to see his “re-birth certificate.”) and has been ministered to for 15 years in preparation for the presidency.

Then Gallup piped in that the “demonic powers” (aka “Globalists“) are freaking out over the possibility that Trump may be president for 8 years, followed by Pence for another 8 and Trump’s son Eric taking over after that. (Hell, if that were a possibility, everybody should be freaking out!)

If you have enough Emetrol handy, here’s a clip of the proceedings:

Is Trump the Messiah or Just John the Baptist?

herr-rumpI swear this country is morphing into Bizarro World! Case in point: Monday morning, “end times” prophet and profiteer, Tom Horn, showed up on the “Jim Bakker Show” to claim that Donald Trump is either the Messiah or his forerunner.

Before I get into the fruit of this story, a bit of background on the nuts involved.

Those of you with longer memory spans, may recall Jim Bakker from his days as host of the PTL Club, although his then wife, Tammy Faye, (She of the bouffant hairdo and layer upon layer of makeup.) was more memorable. PTL stood for “Praise The Lord,” although, in Jim’s case, it seemed to stand for “Pass The Loot.”

He also built a Christian theme park, Heritage USA, raising the money through donations. (And diverting $3.4 million into his own wallet.)

In 1987, things rapidly unraveled. It was discovered that he had been paying church secretary, Jessica Hahn, to keep quiet about the time he and a fellow evangelist did the “horizontal mambo” with her after she had declined the honor! Due to the scandal, he quickly resigned from PTL.

Then, in 1988, Bakker was indicted on eight counts of mail fraud, 15 counts of wire fraud and one count of conspiracy. He was convicted on all 24 counts! He spent the next five years learning the fine points of boulder busting at several Iron Bar Inns. He was released on December 1st, 1994.

He’s now back in business as a televangelist, specializing in the coming apocalypse. Not to worry, Bakker has a store that will sell you all the food you need to survive it. (Of course, if you’re “raptured,” you probably won’t need it.)

Heritage USA closed down in 1989. Tammy Faye Divorced her husband in 1992 and married the man in charge of constructing Heritage USA the following year, after he divorced his wife. She passed away in 2007.

Tom Horn is not so well known as Bakker. (Unless you’re a member of the tinfoil toupee set.)

Horn is an ex Assembly of God bible thumper, turned “End Times” profiteer. He’s a prolific author, with book subjects ranging from extraterrestrials (Nephilim) to Jewish mysticism to the evils of Freemasonry and Catholicism to the Mayan Calendar “End of Days.” (Everybody but him, got it wrong. 2012 was just the start, 2016 is the apex.)

Horn also spreads this manure on his video podcast, Skywatch TV.

He’s HUGE on apocalyptic end times theories. And, he’ll be very happy to sell you everything you need to survive it, from pepper spray to porta potties  at survivormall.com(Once again, if you’re “raptured,” you may be wasting your money.)

Ok, the back has been grounded, on with the show.

On the Jim Baker Show, Horn claimed that Israeli rabbis (At least 12 of them.) have told him that Donald Trump is either the Messiah or the forerunner to same. According to those rabbis, Trump’s name “actually means ‘messiah.’” (Actually, it doesn’t. It’s derived from the early 16th century Middle English word, trumpen, meaning “deceive, cheat.”)

They’re sure of this because Trump is a kingly and warrior-like leader committed to protecting Israel and rebuilding the Temple of Jerusalem. Other clues include a 300 year old prophecy by a Jewish mystic that says the Messiah will come between “Oct 1st, 2016 and September 30th, 2017.” (year 5777 in the Jewish calendar)

Of course, according to those same rabbis, it’s possible that Trump isn’t the real Messiah. Evidently, the “real Messiah” has to be of the Dividic bloodline and Trump may be too Aryan. (He’s of German descent, after all.) Horn stated that the Rabbis are investigating Trump’s bloodline to see if he qualifies.

He may just be a “John the Baptist” type of forerunner. In other words, (Horn’s) Trump is “God’s messenger.” His inauguration will start the count-down to the Messiah’s appearance.

Grab some popcorn and check out the segment:

p.s.: If my ramblings don’t revolt you, check out my FaceBook page (“Grouchy’s Grumbles”) you might just enjoy it. Better yet, you might “like” it.  I’d love it if you did. It’s free (and worth every cent) and almost completely painless (other than the usual bad jokes).

Featured Image credit: Gage Skidmore. Licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.0 Generic license.

Are Witches Advising High-Ranking Government Officials?

the-witches-are-hereIt’s a horrible time for “KKKhristians” (as opposed to “Christians”). The witches are here and it’s not even Halloween yet!

Not only that, but Muslims are being given “preferential treatment(Horror of horrors, three of them are even judges!) and “the cross is being degraded in America, the Christians are being—the very thing Jesus said would happen in the Last Days, that we would be, because we serve God, we would be attacked, we would be hated for the name of Christ’s sake. It seems like our nation is kinder to other faiths and Christianity is being put down further and further and further

Ok, let me explain a couple of things before we proceed with this nonsense:

  • Witches don’t exist! At least not the “flying by broomstick,” or “Double, double, toil and trouble” type. Yes, there are Wiccans, but by-and-large, they tend to be pacific in their beliefs and there’s no real magic about them.
  • I use the term “KKKhristians” because these troglodytes’ rantings are the antithesis of Christ’s teachings. He preached love, they preach hate.
  • Islam is just like any other “religion.” There’s good in it and there’s bad in it. If you’re going to judge all Muslims by ISIS, (which destroy’s Islamic holy sites with impunity and is deeply violent) then you have to judge Christianity by the KKK (which hates all races except Caucasian with impunity and has a deep history of violence).

In the fevered mind of some filberts, Islam is taking over the country, lead by that secret Muslim (and suspected Anti-Christ) Barack Hussein Obama. (FYI, his middle name proves he’s Muslim, just like mine “LeRoy” proves I’m a king.)

What’s the purpose of the Islamic conquest you might ask? Why, to impose Sharia Law, of course. (At least that’s what the religious trogs claim.) To be honest, I’m a bit confused why KKKhristians are so opposed to that, since Sharia Law is almost exactly the same as Evangelical Law, which they support.

Ok, so what do Muslims taking over and Witches in high councils have to do with one another?

Both “items” were the subject of discussion yesterday’s (9/22/16) on Jim Bakker’s program. You remember Jimmy. He’s the “family values” televangelist who cheated on his wife and diddled his secretary. Then he got several years of rock hockey lessons at the Iron Bar Inn for defrauding his “church.” Well, Jim’s out and back to the old con.

Jimmy was a bit unhappy about Obama having the nerve to nominate another Muslim attorney to be a federal judge. His guest was Robert Maginnis, a member of the Family Research Council. After Jimmy made the above “the cross is being degraded” statement, Bobby agreed, adding “the persecution against Christians is rampant in the Pentagon and that the Obama administration is aggressive against Christians.

He then went on to claim that he had met with witches that advised government big wigs in Washington D.C.

I have personally met people that refer to themselves as witches, people that say they advise the senior leadership of the country. We invite within the federal government people to advise us and often some of those advisers, I think, have evil motivations, things that you and I would not approve of.

If you have the stomach or the stomach medicine for it, here’s the video:

Was Louisiana Flooding Caused By Government Weather Weapon?

29121363206_e72f558de7_bSeems like every time a horrendous event happens, the kooks come out. From Sandy Hook to 911, there’s always a certain contingent of mental midgets shouting from the cesspool that it’s a “false flag” government op. Last month’s flooding in Louisiana is no exception.

Meet Steve Quayle. (I’m not sure if he’s related to George “Pappy” Bush’s former Veep, Dan “potatoe” Quayle.) You may not have heard about him, I certainly hadn’t. However, he seems to be known to the tinfoil toupee set.

Ol’ Steve’s a radio commentator. (Well, shortwave radio, anyway.) He’s a guest of cutting edge conspiracy kooks such as Alex Jones, (A Trump consultant, btw) The Hagmann & Hagmann Report and the Khristians’ favorite ex-con scam artist, Jim Bakker.

Steve’s a believer in zombies, the Nazi’s alien base in Antartica, Planet X (aka Nibiru), Giant Reptilian Man Eating Demons and weather weapons. It’s the latter item that’s the subject of this post.

It seems (to Steve’s short-circuited brain cells) that the government decided to use it’s weather weapon on the unsuspecting citizens of Louisiana. (I guess the government figured they were “all wet” anyway, so what’s the big deal?) According to Steve, this had something to do with the government elites wanting to create a “generated famine” after stockpiling food in their “underground bases.”

In order to inform the nation of this nefarious plot, Steve appeared on the Jim Bakker Show. (Have I mentioned that both Steve and Jim’s websites sell food stocks to survive the coming apocalypse, in whatever form it may take? Not that that has anything to do with it of course.)

As Steve put it,

If you control the weather, you control the food; you control the food, you control the people. This is what’s going on in Louisiana.

There was a standing wave in Louisiana, that’s a weather weapon and weather weapons are real. And people, they knew it was going to come but they still stayed and that’s what’s tragic because weather weapons are real.

What you’re watching is a nation under siege.

You say you’d like to learn more about the evil American government’s weather war on its own citizens? Well, rejoice! Steve’s got you covered! He just happens to have written an entire paperback book, “Weather Wars,” on the subject and he’ll be glad to sell you a copy. And as an added incentive, for this month only, he’ll drop the price in half. What was a bargain at $30, can be yours for the low, low price of just $15. Such a DEAL! (If you’re as stupid as he hopes you are!)

Image: U.S. Army National Guard photo by Sgt. Noshoba Davis (Creative Commons 2.0)