Christian Terrorist Threatens to Hang Seven Mayors

Photo Credit: Arkansas Department of Corrections.

Photo Credit: Arkansas Department of Corrections.

Maverick Dean Bryan is a Christian. (Or, is that KKKhristian?) He’s also a convicted felon, the founder (and only known member) of the so-called “First Christian Militia of the USA” and a terrorist as well as a wannabe seditionist. In addition, he’s upset, VERY UPSET!

In fact, he’s so upset that he wrote letters to the mayors of Ashdown, De Queen, Hope, Lewisville, Murfreesboro, Nashville and Prescott, Arkansas threatening to hang them from “mighty oaks” if they don’t do what he tells them to do.

For starters, he’s pissed that schools are teaching common core and not Jesus Christ. (Or at least, his version of J.C.) He wants common core dropped and replaced with the bible. (He neglected to note which version is his preferred choice.)

Also, no more counting votes of any homosexual, Muslim, socialist, communist, atheist, or who worships a God besides Jesus Christ. Not only that, but he wants them kicked out of Arkansas. Oh, and he wants the mayors to hand over their counties to him.

Somehow, I get the feeling that Maverick doesn’t have a clue how things work on this level. Last I heard, mayors don’t run schools, don’t run election boards and don’t run counties. Although, if fairness, maybe they do on Maverick’s planet.

But, Maverick has greater ambitions than just setting Arkansas counties on the road to righteousness. He allegedly wants to kill every living American president, past and present, especially Jimmy Carter.

Not only that, but under the nom de plume of Lt. Gary Owen, he used a local shopper (Thrifty Nickle) to solicit $23,000,000 to overthrow the U.S. government. (Just a loan, mind you. He expected to have no problem repaying it from the spoils of war.)

Local law enforcement is well acquainted with Maverick. He was convicted of interstate motor vehicle theft in 1987 and has been arrested twice since then for possession of firearms. He is currently on probation for being a felon and wearing a .44 caliber pistol in a western style holster. When agents arrested him on March 18th, they found a shotgun in his home. (He seems to think that being in a “militia” trumps the law forbidding felons from firearm possession.)

On the 28th of March, U.S. Magistrate Judge Caroline Craven released him until his trial, however the local District Attorney requested a review of that decision by the U.S. District Court. On May 2nd, Judge Susan Hickey sent him back to jail, stating,

Defendant has an extensive criminal history involving the possession of firearms. In addition to his three previous convictions involving firearms, Defendant has admitted that he was impermissibly in possession of a firearm on the day of his arrest. Thus, Defendant has repeatedly demonstrated his unwillingness to abide by the laws concerning the possession of firearms by a convicted felon. This pattern of disobedience poses a threat to the safety of the community and gives the court little hope that Defendant would abide by any conditions set by this court.

Maverick faces a jury trial later this month. If convicted, he faces fines of up to $250,000 with five years in a federal prison, for each of the seven letters.

‘God’ And The Republican Primary Candidates

creation-of-man-1159966_960_720Ever notice that a lot of Republican candidates for president like to claim that “God” told them to run?

It never seems to be Democrats that claim a holy endorsement. That’s probably because, as every good Regressive teabag sucker knows, Dems are atheistic socialist Nazis or Beel-Zebub boosters or members of the “Gay Mafia” or something like that. They are therefore totally unworthy of any heavenly guidance.

However, the first question that comes to my mind, is “which god?” It’s probably not the one below, although he is part elephant. That’s Ganesh, the Hindu god of wisdom and learning. And, since we’re talking about Republicans, that pretty much lets him out. Ganesh

It isn’t the god of the New Testament. He was apolitical. As J.C. put it,

Then saith he unto them, Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s; and unto God the things that are God’s. Matthew 22:21 (KJV)

After listening to the various “born again” candidates, I’ve come to the conclusion that the Republican god is probably the Old Testament god, YHWH, formally known as El, the supreme god of the Mesopotamian Semite pantheon in the pre-Sargonic period.

He personified fire and brimstone! A cranky, vindictive, narcissistic, blood-thirsty bully with a seven-mile wide jealousy streak, who didn’t play well with his fellow gods.

Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.

Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me. – Exodus 20:3-5 (KJV)

Remind you of any Regressive candidates?

What the bible doesn’t point out, is that he also has a weird sense of humor, at least when it comes to politics. Lemme ‘splain.

Last presidential cycle, I noticed that several presidential wannabes were “Big Daddy” endorsed.

Michele Bachmann

No CommentTo start with, He told Mother Michele that she should run.”If I felt that’s what the Lord was calling me to do, I would do it. When I have sensed that the Lord is calling me to do something, I’ve said yes to it. But I will not seek a higher office if God is not calling me to do it. That’s really my standard. If I am called to serve in that realm I would serve, but if I am not called, I wouldn’t do it.

I guess she got the call. ( I wonder if it was a text message?)

Herman Cain

I bid $2Herman “heard the word”. (Probably after using the wrong mushrooms on his pizza.) Cain told one crowd. “God said, ‘Not yet. I’ve got something else for you to do.’ And it might be to become the president of the United States of America.(Was that the “God” of Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan, I wonder?)

Rick Perry

The Rickster, (known to Bubbas, far & wide as “Cuzin Ricky.) felt the mighty hand of God. (Hmmm. What part of him was “God” touching?)

Now, where the hell did I leave my keys?I have basically been called to serve my country. “That’s what this election is about. It is not about me. It is about this country.” He added: “Your country is calling you. At a matter of fact, your children are counting on you to answer the call. And the Lord said to the Prophet Isaiah, he said, ‘Who shall I send? Who will go for us? And Isaiah held his hand up and said, ‘Here I am. Send me.’ Your country is calling you today. Your country is calling you to do your duty.

Rick Santorum

Then there’s the “Guy from God” himself: Saint Orum!

Righteous-Rick-150x150The saint, speaking to pastors and spiritual muckity-mucks, said: “I’m trying to walk down a path that God is leading me. I figured if this is what he is calling me to do, then I just have to go out and work hard”…

(Btw, did you notice that every one of “God’s chosen” lost?)

And now we’re in a brand new cycle, but several candidates are singing the same old hymn.

Ben Carson

Dr Crazy T.N. Dr Crazy may be one of the best examples of an idiot savant (emphasis on “idiot”) on this year’s Bozo bus. He may have been a brilliant brain surgeon, but other than that, he’s “Filbert City!” However, that hasn’t seemed to matter to the big guy. As he related to Bullshit Mtn last August, “I believe God will make it clear to me if that’s something I’m supposed to do…if God grabbed me by the collar and asked me to run.” When CBN’s David Brody asked him “How is that conversation going with God about this potential presidential run?” He replied “I feel his fingers.”

(So, he’s saying Big Daddy “fingered” him. Hmmm)

Mike Huckabee

M.H.Mike, the former minister, former governor and on-going huckster (It’s not for nothing, I call him “Hucksterbee.”) appeared on James Robison’s “Life Today” program and asked the TV audience to pray that Big D would bless him in his quest. “For me, this is not just a political or financial decision, it is a spiritual decision. You know, the only thing worse than not being elected president would be to be elected president without God’s blessing. I can’t think of a worse place in the world to be than in the Oval Office without God’s hand upon you. I’d rather not get near the place. But if that’s a purpose, so be it. And that’s my prayer.”

(Looks like he was “blessed,” although his campaign didn’t seem to be.)

John Kasich

J.K.Last April, when John was a guest on “Meet the Press,” Chuck Todd asked him if he was going to run. He replied, “…the most important thing is, what does the Lord want me to do with my life? You know, he puts us on Earth, all of us on Earth, to achieve certain purposes, and I’m trying to determine if this is what the Lord wants, and I’m not going to figure that out laying in bed hoping lightning strikes, so I’m out there one foot in front of another.

(Well, being struck by lightning would explain a few things.)

Rick Perry

Now-where-the-hell-did-I-leave-my-keys-150x150Cuzin Ricky came back for a second shot at the Oval Office. Unfortunately he was out of ammunition, but the invisible man in the sky didn’t care. As the Rickster explained on “The Janet Mefferd Show,“…It has been an incredible outpouring and I can tell you that has given me the calmness in my soul that, you know, God sends messages through a lot of ways and through a lot of messengers.”

(I guess the second time around, his messages came “second hand.”)

Rick Santorum

Righteous-Rick-150x150Also returning for another tilt at the windmill, albeit for a very short ride, was Saint Orum. (Old Righteous Rick, himself.) As Mrs Rick told CBN News, “it really boils down to God’s will. What is it that God wants? … We have prayed a lot about this decision, and we believe with all our hearts that this is what God wants.”

(Or, maybe “God” just wanted another good guffaw.)

Scott Walker

And last, as well as pretty much least, we have Scotty who already had the blessing of a “higher power” (the Koch Bros).

S.W.Like the others, Scotty claimed that his candidacy was “God’s plan!” In his first “give me money” letter, he stated “My relationship with God drives every major decision in my life. Each day I pray and then take time to read from the Bible and from a devotional named Jesus Calling. As you can imagine, the months leading up to my announcement that I would run for President of the United States were filled with a lot of prayer and soul searching. Here’s why: I needed to be certain that running was God’s calling — not just man’s calling. I am certain: This is God’s plan for me and I am humbled to be a candidate for President of the United States.”

(Evidently, “God” didn’t plan very well.)

So there you have it: Two presidential cycles, multiple candidates endorsed by the “high guy” and every one a loser! It just might be that “God” is a practical joker. The question is, who’s the butt of the joke?13076602_10153911520891195_6351405000417854868_n

 

 

Kirk Cameron: Submissive Wives = Successful Marriages

Photo credit: Gage Skidmore

Photo credit: Gage Skidmore

Ex-teen hunk turned troglodyte, Kirk Cameron has the perfect formula for a successful marriage (if you’re a bronze age, or earlier, desert dweller). He bases it on the holey wisdom of “THE BOOK!”

You know, the one with the oral bush and talking snake, re-animated zombies, unfrozen water walking, an unscrewed virgin having a baby, fiery flying serpents and a six mile deep world-wide flood that no civilization noticed at the time.

Yeah, that one!

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.Colossians 3:18

For fun and profit….I mean, to spread “the word,” Kirk has embarked on a “Love Worth Fighting For” national marriage tour to explain to the suck..faithful, how to make your marriage work after you drag her, by her hair, into the cave. In order to hype the tour, Kirk graciously granted an interview to the “Christian Post.”
According to the actor, once known as Mike Seaver,(With apologies to Prince.)
A lot of people don’t know that marriage comes with instructions. And, we find them right there in God’s word…Wives are to honor and respect and follow their husband’s lead, not to tell their husband how he ought to be a better husband. When each person gets their part right, regardless of how their spouse is treating them, there is hope for real change in their marriage.
So, wenches, when your hubby blows the rent on a crap game, crawls home 3 1/2 sheets to the wind and threatens to “give you what you’re asking for” when you’re too tired to dance the horizontal mambo with him, just submit and remember, you’re saving the sanctity of your successful marriage.
Oh, and never get into an argument with hubby!
Thinking that you are going to win an argument, you end up losing. It’s a no-win situation. In order for you to win, your husband or wife has to lose. When they lose, you have not built up your marriage. You have really cut them down.
And, if your marriage collapses, it’s your fault.
What most people do is they try to blame their spouse and say, ‘Hey, I would be a great husband if it weren’t for my wife.’ ‘We would have a great marriage if it wasn’t for my husband. This talks to the importance of getting your own part right. There is only one person on the whole planet who you can change and it’s not your spouse.
So, if your love boat is steaming straight toward the matrimonial shoals because the 1st mate is being uppity, there’s still hope. Catch Cameron’s tour and he’ll show you how to be guided by the lighthouse of love.
We talk about faith in God. We talk about the heart of the problem in marriage. We talk about what it means to love your wife in a practical way and what it means to honor your husband. It is possible to fireproof your marriage. Fireproof doesn’t mean that the fire will never come, it means when the fire comes and the heat is high, you will be able to withstand it.
After the talk, but sure to check out the concession area. Salesmen are standing by with special deals on southern Florida wetlands and some famous bridges.

Idaho Republicans Want The Bible Taught In School

Creation???Khristian filberts along with their Regressive allies (when they are not one and the same) keep trying to inject their bible mythology and their Bronze Age laws into the mainstream. Never mind the fact that the United States was founded as a secular nation with a constitutional division between church and state. They don’t believe that anyway. In their bubble, fantasies trump facts!

Which brings us to Oregon’s embarrassing next door neighbor, Idaho, or at least its legislature. In its infantile wisdom the legislature has decided that what schools really need is some good old fashion bible sttudy.

Of course, besides that silly old 1st Amendment’s separation of church and state, there’s Idaho’s constitution, which is even more specific. In Article 9, Section 6 it states,

No books, papers, tracts or documents of a political, sectarian or denominational character shall be used or introduced in any schools established under the provisions of this article, nor shall any teacher or any district receive any of the public school moneys in which the schools have not been taught in accordance with the provisions of this article.

However, one spudhead has decided that he can overrule both. According to Rep. Sage Dixon,

The little Supreme Court in my head says this is OK.

This latest brain fart comes to us courtesy of an Idaho Republican Party conclave last June.

idaho-gop-logoTHEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED, That the Idaho County Central Committee encourages the Idaho legislature to draft and support a bill stating that the Bible is expressly permitted to be used in Idaho public schools for reference purposes to further the study of literature, comparative religion, English and foreign languages, U.S. and world history, comparative government, law, philosophy, ethics, astronomy, biology, geology, world geography, archaeology, music, sociology, and other topics of study where an understanding of the Bible may be useful or relevant;

(Geology? Biology? Archaeology? Can you say “Creationism?”)

A month or so back, Senate Bill 1342 was introduced to enable the Idaho County Central Committee’s dream to become reality. One of the drafter’s attorney defended the bill stating,

Nobody should be concerned that what we’ve asked for is to allow religious training in school.

(Of course, that’s exactly what it does!)

After some minor tweaking, the bill was passed 34 – 3 on March 7th. It then proceeded to the house.

There was an attempt in the house to remove the word “bible” and just use “religous texts” instead. That went down 52 – 15.

Representative Dixon and some of his fellow troglodytes claimed that the bill only refers to the bible is because only the bible is “under attack.” Besides, the bible is nonsectarian and nondenominational.

There are many religions that refer back to the Bible in their tenets.

Also, Rep. Vito Barbieri claimed the bible is different because it’s “fundamental to the American way of life.”

Monday, the house passed the bill 54 – 15. It now goes to the Governor for his signature. No word so far on whether he intends to sign it.

The state Attorney General has stated that it “violates the Idaho Constitution and likely would be overturned in court, as it’s “specifically prohibited” by Article IX, Section 6.

 Stay tuned!