Repugnut Thoughts (Mine, not theirs (pt. 1))

Thoughts on the upcoming “NEW!!!” “IMPROVED!!” “USER-FRIENDLY!” GOP*

*(Geriatric Obstructionistic Poopy-heads**) **(Inspired by a Grover Norquist rant.)

The last few days have more than compensated for the brief periods of anxiety leading up to the election. Though, to be honest, if you paid attention beyond what the “Tame Stream Media” was insinuating, the election was never in serious doubt. (Remember, it’s in media’s self-interest to pretend it’s a horse race.)

Anyway, it’s been fun watching the excuses and recriminations fly back and forth. Since the Repugs have a long history of being sore losers, most (but not all) of them were golden oldies: “The candidate wasn’t conservative enough!” “The message didn’t get through!” “Voter fraud!” “Free gifts for the “takers”!” “It was a P.R. problem with women and minorities!” “Hurricane Sandy ruined it!” “Chris Christie made nice with Obama!”

The Reps, much like the Dems, are made up of various factions, each with their own agenda:

  1. There are the “fiscal conservatives” who mainly want your money. (Fiscal conservatives should not to be confused with deficit hawks who only fly during a Democratic administration.)
  2. The “social conservatives” who mainly want to control your mind and body. (The Tea Potty/Religious Wrong loonies, who are on “A MISSION FROM GOD!“)
  3. The “elected elite” who mainly want your vote. (What! Give up all those perks they have and you don’t? Not to mention the big bucks for those 3 day work weeks? NEVER! Unless there’s a lucrative lobbying position open.)
  4. The “pragmatic conservatives” who mainly want to work on solutions. (But, remember, they’re an endangered species.)
  5. And the largest, but in many ways the least, group – the “mentally lazy” who mainly want whatever Faux Noise (aka “Bullshit Mountain”) tells them to mainly want. (And, sadly enough, they’re the key to the whole mess.)

I’ll explain these groups in greater detail as we move along.

The autopsies by the various factions have already started. Each, of course, has worked out its own “solutions” to the debacle.

I won’t go into all of the real problems of the party. (I’m writing a post, not a seventeen volume series.) Besides, they’ve been hashed and re-hashed so many times, they have the consistency of gruel. Instead, I’ll look at their perceived problems, some of which actually do have a reality base.

Then, baring in mind that today’s paradigm isn’t necessarily tomorrow’s, but also baring in mind that it takes leopards a hell of a long time to change their spots, I’ll make a few predictions based on history, (Which Alexander Herzen has rightly described as “the autobiography of a mad man.”) and common sense. (Which, as everybody has said, “ain’t all that common”.)

The “Chili Chomper” Problem

This one is a pretty good one to start off with. It actually has some basis in fact, plus it’s perplexing that Repugs got themselves into this one in the first place. If it wasn’t for the in-bred bigotry of the loony-toon fringe, the Repugs could have fashioned a message that would resonate with Hispanics.

Unfortunately, that selfsame loony-toon fringe is currently calling the shots. (Just ask Willard.) For example, calling for Hispanics to “self-deport” didn’t exactly warm too many Latino hearts. (The weird thing about “self-deportation” is that it started out as a satiric reaction by two Mexican-American comics, Lalo Alcaraz and Esteban Zul, to California’s Proposition 187 back in 1994.) Prop. 187, in case you didn’t click the link, (Shame on you!) was a ballot initiative to prohibit illegal aliens from utilizing health care, public education, and other social services. It passed as a referendum, but was declared unconstitutional in 1999.

Just a few short years ago, George (Duh Bull U) Bush Got 40 % of the Hispanic vote. However, as a consequence of Repugnut bigotry, Obama won the Hispanic votes by a 72 – 23 margin this time around. And, as has been stated time after time after time, Hispanics are the fastest growing ethnic group in the U.S.. For that reason, among others, states like Arizona, Georgia and Texas will probably morph blue within the next 1 – 3 cycles.To compound all of this, Hispanics are not Hispanics are not Hispanics. To say that Cuban-Americans, Mexican-Americans and Central & South American-Americans are a monolithic group shows a total misunderstanding of the whole situation. (So, of course, the Repugnuts treat them as a monolithic group.)

And, while most pundits have concentrated on the Hispanic section of the minority vote, the Repugnuts also lost the Asian-American vote 73% to 26%. Asian Americans are another group that have always seemed right with the traditional Republican message, but the xenophobic rantings of the Bubba crowd are scaring them off en masse.

So, the problem as defined is that Hispanics don’t like or trust Repugnuts. (What to do? What to do?) This could end up a rather fractious conflict within the party, but I doubt it.

The fiscal conservatives (i.e. bankers and their business buds) want a cheap labor market. The status-quo is working for them. They get cheap labor that won’t complain too loudly about pay and conditions. This also puts pressure on the non-Hispanic labor force to put up with poor wages and bennies.

The social conservatives (tea potty/religious wrong bozos) want someone to look down on and blame for their problems. Back in the last century it was “niggers”. In the new & improved 21st Century, it’s also “spics”. If they don’t have someone to blame, they might have to (gasp!) take responsibility for their own plight.

The elected elite’s primary desire is to be elected, so they’re trapped in the middle of this high wire act. Lean too far one way, there goes the Hispanic vote. Lean too far the other way and there goes the Bubba vote. (And, that’s a hefty portion of their remaining voters.)

The pragmatic conservatives want.……Oh, wait! There are so damn few p.c.’s left that nobody gives a shit about what they want. (And, they should!)

The mentally lazy faction (that aren’t also s.c.’s) are ok with whatever Bullshit Mountain thinks is best.

Fixing(?) the problem

First off, the Repugs will continue showcasing their three token Hispanics: Mario Rubio, Ted Cruz and Susana Martinez as the faces of the “New, demographically diverse Republican Party”. Hell, they let Michael Steele pretend to run the party when they wanted to balance Barack’s “blackness”. (And, btw, I liked Michael Steele even if I didn’t agree with him too much. He was trying for a “big tent” Republican party, at a time when the troglodytes were more interested in a “porta-potty” party.)

They will make an effort to seem reasonable (if you’re not paying close attention) in addressing immigration. By which I mean, they will stop saying Arizona’s “Papers Please” law is a model for the nation. (Though, they’ll continue to pay lip service to “states rights” to discriminate.) They will probably propose something that makes working here in the U.S. A bit easier if you’re “one of them”. (Gotta keep those wages low.) These moves, of course, will go hand-in-hand with “border security”. (Gotta keep those s.c.’s pacified.)

As an example of what I’m talking about, Kay Bailey Hutchison, a Repug from Texas and Jon Kyl, an Arizona Repug (Both of whom are leaving the Senate) introduced the “Achieve Act“. The “A.A.” is very watered down version of the DREAM Act. Oh, and get this, the bill has almost no chance of passing in the lame duck session. And, since Hutchison and Kyl are “getting out of Dodge”, they won’t be around to re-introduce them in January. BUT, the GOPers can say “See, we’re good guys. We tried to pass legislation for you, but those Damn-o-Craps wouldn’t let us. We love Hispanic voters.” (After you show your papers please.)

I doubt if they will attempt to make becoming an American any easier, and equal rights and opportunities for illegals will be totally off the table. For instance, unlike the DREAM Act, which had a path to citizenship, the Achieve Act. only sets a path for legal residence.

If the Repugs spin it just right (and they are damn good at spinning) they just might be able to cut into the Democratic majority and get to the point where they’re only down by 25-30 points instead of 49.


The “Slut” ProblemW.o.W. Front Line

I’m doing a whole series on “The Repuglican War on Women“, so this is going to be a very quick overview. Check out the series for a lot more detail.

In 2010, running on a mantra of “Jobs, jobs, jobs”, a lot of Repugnuts got elected and in the process, took control of a number of states.. (Which is kind of weird when you think about it, since it was mainly their policies and leadership that stumbled us into the shit pit to start with. But, then again, Americans are notorious for their collective “attention deficit disorder” syndrome.)

Once elected, the Repugs got right down to their “jobs”. (What, you thought “Jobs, jobs, jobs” was about the public’s jobs? Silly ass!) While the populace may have elected them thinking they might actually have some solutions for the economic situation, Republicans seemed to think they had been given a mandate to impose the Religious Wrong’s “family values” on everyone.

Their primary jobs as they saw them were two-fold. In order of importance they were:

  1. clinging to power by legislative or executive means, which I’ll cover a few sections down.
  2. Legislatively impose their rather warped views on women.

I’m not sure what position “getting people back to work” was slotted in, but from observing  Repuglican actions, it didn’t seem to make the top 10.

On the national scene, there were several doomed-to-fail pieces of “lady law” in the Repug controlled House. The efforts were “all show, no go” and didn’t attract a lot of attention. They were mainly for the “rubes” back in the home districts. There was never a possibility of getting them through the Senate, let alone being signed into law.

The states, on the other hand, were whole different game. Legislature after legislature introduced, passed and sent “lady laws” on to be signed by a Repuglican Governor.Besides attempts to skirt Rove v Wade using “TRAP” (Targeted Regulation of Abortion Providers) laws, they passed numerous bills making it more and more difficult to obtain an abortion.

They even introduced anti-contraception bills into several state legislatures. Their alternative, as espoused by Foster Friess, was the old “Aspirin between the knees” form of birth control beloved by Reaganuts everywhere. That, and “Just say no!” (Both equally effective.)

The Repugnuts didn’t raise a lot of hoop-la about what they were doing (unless they felt safe among their fellow troglodytes), but people, particularly female people, started to notice. Just ask Governor “Ultra-sound”of Virginia (former VP frontrunner) about that.

Then along came Akin’s “legitimate rape” comment, Willard’s “get rid of Planned Parenthood” comments, Mourdock’s “god intended you to get raped and knocked up” comment (So god’s a sadistic bastard that gets his rocks off on brutal porn? Whoda thunk it?) and almost any one of St. Orum’s comments. (Take your pick.) They all cemented the image of the Repuglians as creatures from another age. (And, not a “Golden” one.)

And, this only covers one of the “lady parts” issues. Don’t even ask a Repugnut about Lilly Ledbetter. (The very idea! Women making the same amount as men. That would mean they’re equal to men! That’s socialism! Plus, it cuts into the profit margin!)

As a result of a lot of this, women voted for Obama over Willard 55% to 43%. In fact, women have voted Democratic in every election since 1988. (And, a larger percentage of women vote than men.)

The “little lady” problem is one that social conservatives are mainly responsible for. Since they are the loudest (and dumbest) group within the party, how do you fix the problem?

Problem? What problem? I don’t hear a problem, do you?

Fortunately, (for their fantasy, at least) the Repugs have got this figured all out: Just don’t talk about it.

You see, all the trouble really began when Akin said out loud what a very large number of Repugnuts believe. It wasn’t that they disagreed, but these were deeds better done in the dark. It was ok, to demonize Planned Parenthood, (Hey, it worked with A.C.O.R.N.) and use code words, but don’t come right out with it. Same goes for Mourdock’s comments. St. Orum was a special case. After having his ass handed to him by a gay man, nobody outside of “true believers” gave him any credence anyway.

So, they will just “keep on keepin’ on”, but try a bit more stealth with code words and misdirection. This will keep the troglodytes happy, ensure that the “tame stream media” gets bored and segues over to whatever part of their anatomy some “C list” starlet exposed this time.

And, they’ll explain it all to the ladies, keeping the words very simple so even they will understand that Repugs are just very kindly trying to guide them through matters that are too important to be left to a woman’s decision. (And, keep repeating “Family values! Family values! Family values!”)

The reality of course, is that it won’t work. Despite their fondest desires, this is not the 19th century when the woman’s role was to shut her mouth and open her legs. The real problem for the party is that it has next to nothing to offer women voters and hasn’t for a loooooong time.

The “If This Is Tuesday, I Must Be a Severe Conservative” Problem!

Ah Willard, we hardly knew ye. (We tried to, but every time we thought we had a handle on it, you morphed.)

Are you still that spoiled brat of a high school student that thought it was fun “outing” a younger boy who may or may not have been gay? Are you the asshole that got a bunch of “rich thug” friends to hold him down while you whacked his hair off? Or, are you the “bleeding heart liberal” that tried to run left of Teddy Kennedy on “Gay Rights”

Are you that brilliant businessman that knows how to fix the economy? Or are you a vulture capitalist that knows how to export jobs, loot a company and then walk away while other people’s lives are ruined?

Are you the father of Romney-care as you used to brag about? Or are you the sworn enemy of its clone: Obama-care?

The answers to these and other questions, inquiring minds wanted to know. Now – they no longer give a shit!

Despite the denigration you’ve suffered since the election, the sad truth is that you were almost the best of the batch running as a Republican. The only reality based candidate seemed to be your fellow Mormon, Jon Huntsman. He was the only one Obama really worried about. Unfortunately, Jon was about 30 years too late to fit in with what the Repugs had become.

The rest of the candidates made the debates seem like clown college auditions. And, speaking of the debates, they had a very detrimental effect that wasn’t entirely Willard’s fault. The debates branded the Repuglican Party as the party of hate, intolerance and bigotry. The Repuglican audiences drove home this point with their reactions. (Check out the vid.)

Ok, back to Willard.

The mountain of mistakes made by the Willard campaign is huge and well mined by analysts and pundits, and will continue to be for years. Therefore, I’m going to ignore 99.9173% of them and concentrate on the one area that was the ultimate deal breaker for me, (and maybe a lot of other people): WILLARD LIED!!! AND LIED!!! AND LIED!!!

Ok, I’m a big boy and I’ve been in and around politics and politicians a lot in my life. I know that politicians lie. (in other words, “creatively shade the truth”) All parties, and politicians try to advantage every nuance to give you the impression that up is purple, left is a 5 year old VW, and they’re god’s gift to you. I’m not talking about that.

I’m talking about spreading lies that you know are lies and when you’re caught red handed (and it’s always the lame stream media’s fault for catching you) you declare that “we’re not going to let our campaign be dictated by fact checkers”.

In other words you treat your potential voters with utter disrespect. Now that may work with the “my mind’s made up, don’t disturb me with facts” crowd. (After all, they think Bullshit Mountain is a purveyor of news.) And, admittedly, it does work with the general public some of the time. (Repeat a lie often enough…….) However, sooner or later, it’s going to catch up with you (Karma and all that.)

And then to lie, when there is no perceivable reason to lie. For example, the campaign’s claim that Chrysler was shipping Jeep jobs out of the country. This “fact” was so easy to refute, that you have to ask what the rationale was. All it did was temporarily worry some auto workers and their families. When the lie was uncovered (the same day) not only did the campaign not pull the claim, or even apologize for the “error”,  they increased their “buy”. Somehow, I don’t think those temporarily worried families appreciated it very much. In fact, they probably ended up not voting for Willard. (There goes Ohio and the election.)

What made this all even worse, he lied so much that nobody really knew what Willard really believed in. (I wonder if he even did.) It was easy to see what drove him; money and power!

But as to core principles? I know what his religious beliefs are, because I grew up in the Mormon Church. That’s what made the lying aspect even more onerous to me. (Yes folks, I’m an “EX-Saint” or a “Jack Mormon”, although I prefer “Fallen Angel”.)

Even in his late blossoming “etch-a-sketch” period following the 1st debate, you couldn’t really pin him down past talking points, platitudes and vagaries. I think in the end a lot of people decided “better the devil you know than the devil you don’t”.

The Solution:

This one is already solved. You’ll won’t have Willard to kick around anymore. Romney never bothered to build a loyal base in the party so he has zero constituency. And, after losing a “sure thing” Repugnuts don’t want him around anyway. He’s been filed, along with Bush League and St. Reagan’s 11 tax hikes, as “bad news” never to be referred to in polite company.


Ok, once again, I started a single post only to succumb to diarrhea of the mouth (or is it diarrhea of the fingers?) So, this is now an official 2 parter. (Hopefully, I can keep it that.) Next up we take a look at the “533 problem”, the “47% Strikes Back problem”, the “Sandy Blew the Election problem”, the “Chris Christie Sank Our Battleship problem” and the “Graveyards Voted Early & Often problem”.


Goodnight Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are!


p.s.: If my ramblings don’t revolt you, check out my FaceBook page (“Grouchy’s Grumbles”) you might just enjoy it. Better yet, you might “like” it.  I’d love it if you did.It’s free (and worth every cent) and almost completely painless (other than the usual bad jokes).


Leave a Reply