Repugnut Thoughts (pt. 2: The Turd Blossom Rationalizations)

Welcome back.

Ok, last episode we took quick peeks at the Repugs’ minority problem (real), woman problem (real) and Willard problem (could have been a lot worse). For the next couple of peeks, I’m going to dive in to what I call “The Turd Blossom* Rationalizations”, in honor of good old Unka Karl. (Pleasant thought of the day: Turd Blossom explaining to his billionaires why, after throwing millions down a shit hole, they didn’t even get fertilizer out of the deal.)

*As a good portion of you probably already know, “Turd Blossom” did not originate with me. It was George (Duh)’s pet name for Unka Karl. I have more class than that. Not much, but more! Also, I deeply apologize for the mental image of “diving into turd blossoms”.

The rationalizations don’t have much to do with truth, otherwise they would be reasons, not rationalizations. Of course, a good Repuglican DS (Doctor of Spinology) knows every good rationalization needs a good scapegoat.



MOTHER NATURE!!!!Ma's pissed off!!

Hell, the Repugs don’t get along with Ma Nature anyway. Damn environment keeps getting in the way of profits. And, don’t even start on that “Global” shit! Plus, it’s just “God” reminding us he’s pissed cause we don’t hate gays enough! (So, why the hell did he create so many of them?)

Speaking of “God”, can’t you just see him in his pretty green & flowery Mother Nature dress, taking a big deep breath so he can blow up a hurricane? Ma Nature must be “God” in drag if you believe the ravings of Mother Michelle and “Crazy Uncle” Pat. (And, Repugnuts do!)Idiots, a pair

For instance back in 2011 “God”, in his “Ma Nature” aspect, sent an earthquake and a hurricane to visit.

Mother Michelle spotted the REAL situation right away: “I don’t know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We’ve had an earthquake; we’ve had a hurricane. He said, ‘Are you going to start listening to me here?(The earthquake and hurricane she’s referring to only affected “red states”. Hmmmm. Maybe she’s right on this one.)

Anyway, without further ado (as opposed to “adieu”) lets take a gander at what mean old Ma did to all those nice Repuglican daydreams.

The “Sandy Blew the Election” Problem!

Before I paddle out into the hurricane, a bit of background:

Sometime way back in the Cretaceous I remember my Poly-Sci 101 instructor explaining about “bumps”. Bumps, for those of you that missed class that day, are upward movements in favorable reaction responses after an event. They are a normal part (hopefully) of most campaigns. They usually last for a period of time, depending on the cause, and the modifying events that follow. In normal situations they’re fairly predictable as to their size and duration range. (But, not always!)

For instance, a Vice Presidential nomination is normally worth about a 1 to 2 point bump in the home state vote. So, picking Paulie as Veep wasn’t much help. At the time of the pick, Obama was 6 points ahead. When the election was over, Obama took Wisconsin by 7. (Like I said, not always.)

Convention bumps vary depending on the effectiveness of the convention. Obama got about a 4 point bump, but Willard got no bump at all. Debate bumps are even more transitory, usually lasting only until the next debate, if that long. Also, in the history of Presidential Debates, only two of them had any measurable effect on the outcome: Nixon v Kennedy (1960) & Gore v Bush (2000).

To make an overly long explanation quite a bit shorter: Bumps are nice, but mostly transitory. One more thing I should explain, just in case you haven’t noticed: When it’s your campaign that’s getting the bump, it isn’t a bump, it’s a TREND! (At least til it comes back down to earth.) 

Ok, the back’s been grounded. Let’s take a look at the “Sandy Situation”.

After Willard’s “no-bump” convention and Obama’s “big-bump” convention, a lot of non Bullshit Mtn. pundits were wrapping up Willard’s obit. (Of course, the BSM marionettes & their minions thought the Repuglican Incest Fest was a SMASH, including the immortal clash between Clint and the empty chair.)

On Oct. 1st, Nate Silver (he of the perfect 2012 record) called it 320.1 electoral votes to 217.9. Advantage: Team Obama.

After the 1st debate, in which he clashed with an another empty chair (this time disguised as Barack Obama), Willard got a nice bump. (Btw, the challenger usually wins the 1st debate and its bonus bump.)  By Oct 13th, Willard had closed the gap to 285.4 – 252.6. (Still, an almost 33 e.v. spread.)

By Oct 16th, even before the second debate, Willard’s “Big Mo” had already begun to evaporate. In the preceding three days Obama had widened the gap by over three electoral votes.

By the time that Sandy hit (Oct. 29) the electoral chasm had already expanded to over 51 electoral votes. (294.6 – 243.4)

Not that Sandy didn’t cause Willard some grief. It most certainly did!

It’s an old saw that every man is his own worst enemy. Well, here’s one of those relationships in spades:

Willard, meet Mit!

I covered a bit of Willard’s confusion with his own principles in the “If This Is Tuesday, I Must Be a Severe Conservative” Problem! section back in pt. 1. After claiming that the states, or better yet, the private sector could handle major disasters better, he spent the first few days of Sandy’s landfall dodging questions about his statements. cartoon-110212On Nov. 1st, his  “people” released the following statement: “I believe that FEMA plays a key role in working with states and localities to prepare for and respond to natural disasters. As president, I will ensure FEMA has the funding it needs to fulfill its mission, while directing maximum resources to the first responders who work tirelessly to help those in need, because states and localities are in the best position to get aid to the individuals and communities affected by natural disasters.

But, where Sandy really hurt was that it gave the President a chance to show himself being Presidential. Especially in comparison to those not-so-fond memories of Bush League’s Katrina.

Willard, on the other hand, made an attempt to capitalize on the disaster by turning a campaign rally into a phony “relief rally”, complete with the originally planned video biography and surrogates lauding Willard’s candidacy. They even took up a collection of canned goods for the Red Cross “donated” by local supporters.

Two small problems here (I mean, other than the thinly disguised political rally.)

  1. Almost all of the “supporter donated goods” had been previously purchased by the campaign.
  2. The Red Cross specifically states on their website that they need dollar donations, not article donations. Donating things like food and blankets is a logistical nightmare in situations like Sandy. Money on the other hand, lets them purchase exactly what they need at very large discounts.

God Liked Obama better than Willard.

There’s also one other Sandy related excuse:

The “Chris Christie Made “Nice-nice” with that Damn Kenyan Usurper” Problem

BFF's (Or at least til the next election)Ahhhhhh yaaah……New Jersey……Chris Christie……New Jersey politics…… Always an interesting territory to explore.

Ok, let me pop in a quick disclaimer and an even quicker bit of background. This really doesn’t deserve a lot of space. But, since they brought it up……

Quick disclaimer: As a character, I like Christie. Politically, we are not in the same book, let alone on the same page. However, Chris does have a number of qualities that I rather like. (A disdain of “political correctness” is one good example.)

I’d love to have a political discussion with him sometime. It would be rather enjoyable. (If he could keep it from getting personal.) On the other hand, I’d pay to see him and Ed Shultz go at it.

Even quicker bit of background: NEW JERSEY IS A DEEP BLUE STATE!

The troglodyte segment (aka the majority) of the GOP is PISSED at Christie!!! He committed the cardinal sin of putting his duty to his constituents above his duty to help get rid of that half-black Damn-o-crap President.

Even before Sandy, while he was supposed to be a major surrogate for Willard, you could always tell his heart just wasn’t into it. Take a look at his speech at the Tampa Incest Fest:

In Christie’s 2,600 word speech, Willard didn’t even get mentioned until around word 1,800.

In fairness to Chris, he was far from the only half-hearted surrogate. From John McCain to Jeb Bush to Mario Rubio, there were quite a few major players that took the “hold your nose and tout the Willard” attitude. It’s just that when it came to Christie, it was a bit more obvious.

Then along came Sandy

As opposed to the Presidential partying that was going on when Katrina hit, Obama’s FEMA had men and material strategically placed prior to landfall. The administration, FEMA and the effected governors were in constant communication. The coordinated efforts received praise from both Connecticut’s and New York’s governors, but the one that stung the Bubbas, was the praise from New Jersey’s governor. Not only praise, but effusive praise.

So, did Chris “sink Willard’s (electoral) battleship”? Not hardly!R.E.S.C.U.E. M.E.

As I pointed out previously, Willard’s numbers were already back to tanking.original

Chris may have slightly influenced a few of the few remaining Republican moderates, but most of those are in reliably blue states anyway.

I know that Cristie is up for re-election this year and Cory Booker was contemplating a challenge. And, I know you get into trouble when you start believing politicians, but I truly think that Christie put his state and his job first and “to hell with the politics of it”. Plus, as a result, Cory decided that a Senatorial run was a better fit. Which is fine with me, I’d rather have Cory in the Senate, then let N.J. have him to themselves. ;-P

One of Romney’s advisors was quoted as whining, “Christie allowed Obama to be president, not a politician.”

Christie’s response: “I will not apologize for doing my job.”

Chris has proven himself to be a pragmatic politician. (And, those you can work with.) I look forward to disagreeing with him for years.

The “God is a Practical Joker” Problem!


In the various Repugnut groups’ “exhaustive” analysis of their election fiasco, there’s one possible cause they’ve been overlooking.

It just might be that “God” is a practical joker. The question is, who’s the butt of the joke?

“God’s own chosen”

No CommentTo start with, He (She?) told Mother Michelle that she should run.”If I felt that’s what the Lord was calling me to do, I would do it. When I have sensed that the Lord is calling me to do something, I’ve said yes to it. But I will not seek a higher office if God is not calling me to do it. That’s really my standard. If I am called to serve in that realm I would serve, but if I am not called, I wouldn’t do it.

I guess she got the call. ( I wonder if it was a text message?)

I bid $2Herman Cain “heard the word”. (Probably after using the wrong mushrooms on his pizza.) Cain told one crowd. “God said, ‘Not yet. I’ve got something else for you to do.’ And it might be to become the president of the United States of America.(Was that the “God” of Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan?)

The Rickster, (known to Bubbas, far & wide as “Cuzin’ Ricky.) felt the mighty hand of God. (Hmmm. What part of him was “God” touching?)

Now, where the hell did I leave my keys?I have basically been called to serve my country. “That’s what this election is about. It is not about me. It is about this country.” He added: “Your country is calling you. At a matter of fact, your children are counting on you to answer the call. And the Lord said to the Prophet Isaiah, he said, ‘Who shall I send? Who will go for us? And Isaiah held his hand up and said, ‘Here I am. Send me.’ Your country is calling you today. Your country is calling you to do your duty.

Righteous Rick

Then there’s the “Guy from God” himself: Saint Orum!

The saint, speaking to pastors and spiritual muckity-mucks, said:I’m trying to walk down a path that God is leading me. I figured if this is what he is calling me to do, then I just have to go out and work hard”…Brother from another mother?

Willard never said anything about God telling him to run. But then, Willard was never specific about much of anything.

So, which one (if any) was “God”‘s anointed?

“Crazy Uncle” Pat claimed that “God” told him that, not only would Willard win the election, he’d serve two terms.


god-sense-of-humor-cain-santorum-and-bachmann(Btw, did you notice that every one of “God’s chosen” lost?)

Doin’ what comes nature-ly

If Ma Nature really is “God” in drag, as the Christmas cakes in the social conservative segment believe. (Of course, according to them, he’s also a gun totin’, fag hatin’, card carryin’ Repugnut just like they are.) And, if he really does use natural disasters occasionally to send a message, I find it interesting that most of the messages seem to target the redneck right.

Every area gets its share of really bad weather. (Well, maybe not the NW, but everybody else. And, anyway we get big earthquakes every few decades. Not to mention that we have far more than our share of volcanoes.) But, lately the red states seem to be abusing the privilege.

You get the message.

The problem is……they don’t!

Continuing on with the “God/Ma Nature is a practical joker” hypothesis:

When it came time for the conventions (i.e. Incest Fests), ol’ “Joybuzzer” struck again. Now, he/she didn’t send either of his/her storms directly at Tampa or Charlotte, but he/she did manage to more or less shut the Repugs up for a day; (A minor miracle in itself.) and pull a good head fake on the Dems.

With all this as prologue, it’s no surprise that “Ma” decided to get in one more lick. This time, just for a little extra “kick”, he/she waited until about a week before the election.

What the “master plan” was, God only knows and he/she ain’t talkin’. But, the immediate results were a bit of a boost for Barack. (Although, he didn’t need it), and a bit of a boot in the butt for Willard. (And, he did need it.)

In the intermediate run, it almost guarantees that Christie will be re-elected N.J. Gov, but will never be elected President. (Repugs never forgive “traitors”!)

In the long run, we may never hear from Willard again. He’ll probably spend his reclining years riding up and down in his car elevator.

And  just out of curiosity, I checked on major hurricane activity in New York in the last 112 years. Since 1900, and discounting the usual remnants that crawl up the east coast:

Notice anything interesting about the list?

1900-1925 – 1; 1926-1950 – 3; 1951-1975 – 4; 1976-2000 – 5; 2001-2012 –3 (And still 13 years left in the quarter.)

Now, with all we’ve learned over the past few decades, a rational individual might think of these “events” as perhaps related to climate change.GW in B&W (& a bit of blue)

However, since climate change is a hoax, just like evolution (Even Pat Buchanan says so.)

and the whole thing is purely Satan’s doing, then you can understand why God IS Ma Nature. (At least I think you can. I’ve never really understood the wingnut thought(?) processes.)

Once again, you get the message.GOP'ing GOD

Once again, the problem is: They still don’t!

Wrap time for another episode.

Next time we journey a little closer to the real world and take a look at a last couple of “problems”, as well as why Repugnuts are an endangered species. (And why baggers aren’t.)

In the meantime – Keep on keepin’ on! (Whatever the hell that means.)


p.s.: If my ramblings don’t revolt you, check out my FaceBook page (“Grouchy’s Grumbles”) you might just enjoy it. Better yet, you might “like” it.  I’d love it if you did.It’s free (and worth every cent) and almost completely painless (other than the usual bad jokes).

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