Rapture Begins Saturday as ‘Planet Nibiru’ Collides with Earth

Are you righteous enough to be “raptured?”

If not, stop by Jim Bakker’s website to pick up your needed survival food and gear. But, you better get your tail a-movin’ because we’re going to collide with another planet, come Saturday [9/23/17].

COST SAVING ALERT!!!:

If the planet playing bumper-cars has a diameter of more than 60 miles, save your money. Anything larger than that and microbes may not survive.

It seems, according to noted numerologist David Mead, there’s a solar planet called “Nibiru” with a 3000 year orbit that’s going to get a bit too friendly on Saturday.

For starters, he’s got the number to prove it: 33!

As Mead explained it to the Washington Post,

Jesus lived for 33 years. The name Elohim, which is the name of God to the Jews, was mentioned 33 times [in the Bible] It’s a very biblically significant, numerologically significant number. I’m talking astronomy. I’m talking the Bible … and merging the two.

And, wouldn’t you know it, this Saturday is 33 days after the solar eclipse. (More on that in a bit.)

Speaking of stuff in the”Good Book,” there’s this gem that’s supposed to occur at the same time.

And a great sign appeared in heaven: a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet, and on her head a crown of 12 stars. She was pregnant and was crying out in birth pains and the agony of giving birth. – Revelation 12:1-2

In case you missed the “true meaning” of that, the woman is the constellation Virgo, her soon-to-be-born son is Jupitor. In other words, the moon, Jupitor and the constellation Virgo are all lined up like a row of ducks. This is supposed to harold J.C.’s “2nd Coming.”

One teensy-weentsy problem with that. It happens about every 12 years

(Btw, would J.C. be riding in on Nibiru or would he have separate transportation?)

BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!

And there shall be signs in the sun, and in the moon, and in the stars; and upon the earth distress of nations, with perplexity; the sea and the waves roaring. – Luke 21:25

Signs in the sun and in the moon = Solar Eclipse: CHECK (Of course, there are, on average, two to four solar eclipses every year.)

And in the stars = Stars going supernova: CHECK (Stars go supernova in the universe, about every second or so.)

Distress of nations = Rump bragging about starting a nuclear war: CHECK (The earth has been under that threat for 70 years from people almost as nut-cake as he is.)

The sea and the waves roaring = Hurricanes: CHECK (Several hurricanes are spawned every year. Yes, they’re getting worse, but that’s due to climate change, not “the 2nd Coming.”)

Oh, and there’s one other minor problem with this scenario: NIBIRU DOESN’T EXIST!

There may be more undiscovered solar planets out there. Very possibly are! However, a planet heading towards Earth could be seen with the naked eye even if it were still nine months out, let alone a few days.

Check out this WaPo article.

In the meantime, enjoy the video. You might get a chuckle or three.

Stay tuned!

Oh, and have a great “End of Days” party Saturday.

Grouchy

Featured Image Credit: NASA/JPL-Caltech/T. Pyle (SSC)

p.s.: If my ramblings don’t revolt you, check out my FaceBook page (“Grouchy’s Grumbles”) you might just enjoy it. Better yet, you might “like” it.  I’d love it if you did. It’s free (and worth every cent) and almost completely painless (other than the usual bad jokes).

Jim Bakker: The Recent Hurricanes Are A Sign That ‘God’s Judgment Is Coming’

Back in the Bronze Age, disasters and other infrequent acts of nature were “SIGNS FROM GOD!” (Or Gods, depending on which mythology you subscribed to.) Of course, so were sheep’s entrails, goose livers and a host of other esoteric items. But that was 3,000 years ago. This is the 21ST CENTURY! We’re all past believing in that mythological nonsense. Right??

Well. Evidently. Not all of us. Take Jim Bakker. (Insert your own snark here.)

Now, a lot of you remember Jimbo from his fraudy, rapey days at PTL. (PTL was supposed to stand for “Praise The Lord,” but “Pass The Loot” was a better fit.)

But, that was the old Jimbo. During an all too brief vacation at the Iron Bar Inn, he found “God.” (Or, at least a safer scam.) Nowadays, he’s an “End-Times” herald and a survival food salesman. (Falls under: Create a need and fill it.)

Food sales must be down a bit, because Jimbo went on his show today [9/12/17] to pitch gloom and doom like he was the devil himself. (Or, at least a close cousin.)

God’s judgment is coming.

Why am I crying out, ‘Prepare, prepare, prepare’? Because somebody put me in prison.

Yeah, that would have been the Feds, after he was convicted on multiple charges.

The devil meant it for evil but … God meant it for good. So I studied every word [in the Bible], so I know what’s coming. This flood didn’t shock me, I saw this flood. New Orleans is going to be covered with water; I don’t know if it’s this week but it’s going to happen. God says it will never come back at one point, unless it repents.

Maybe I missed that part of the “good book,” but I’ll be darned if I remember a passage mentioning New Orleans.

Do you know when these other huge hurricanes hit? Do you know what days they hit? It hit on the decadent days, the days of the decadence parades and all … The hurricane hit in Florida and they were having that parade and it hit on that day and then when it was to hit in New Orleans, it started there.

I don’t have a clue which “decadence parades” he’s referring to. There are so many to choose from. But, it wasn’t Mardi Gras, and you’d think it would be.

God’s judgment is coming. It’s coming whether we want it or not and it’s not because he hates us, he just wants to wake up America. We have mocked God.

So, am I to assume that Big Daddy is going to give the rest of the world a pass and just take out his anger on us? And, if that is the case, why are only “Red States” being hit? (You’d think he’d give Massachusetts a shot across the bay.)

Now, in fairness to Jimbo, he’s not the only “Khristian” (As opposed to “Christian,” which they ain’t!) troglodyte trotting this trail. The “Religious Wrong” blogosphere is replete with them. After all, “Fear is the best fundraiser!”

Stay tuned!

Grouchy

Featured Image Credit: Screen Grab

p.s.: If my ramblings don’t revolt you, check out my FaceBook page (“Grouchy’s Grumbles”) you might just enjoy it. Better yet, you might “like” it.  I’d love it if you did. It’s free (and worth every cent) and almost completely painless (other than the usual bad jokes).

‘Aborted Babies Are The Food Source That Is Empowering Baal’

People have to realize the strongman over America is Baal. Baal is a very violent entity, he is the second in Satan’s triune, he is the second in command, he is the counterfeit Christ. It feeds off the blood of the innocent, which is the aborted babies. This is why Baal is the strongman, because the aborted babies are the food source that is empowering Baal. – Mark Taylor

Mark “The Man Who Saw Tomorrow” Taylor has dug a deeper hole in the excrement that passes for his thought processes.

It seems like just last week (Actually, it was!) I did a post on this loon (with apologies to my favorite bird) claiming the Illuminati and the Freemasons got together to broadcast a frequency [440 hz] that turns normal, everyday people into Trump haters!

Of course, the Illuminati is every filbert’s fave conspiracy cabal, but I was intrigued that the Freemasons joined in. After all, most of the major movers and shakers of the Founding Daddies were Freemasons. They were also deists, which shoots the whole “America is a Christian nation” steer shit in the ass! (Or would, if steer shit had an ass, rather than emanate from one.)

But, that was last week’s rant, let’s delve into this latest pile of emasculated bovine bowel movement.

Baal (17th Century version)

Those of you who have really read “The Good Book.” (Most “Khristians” really haven’t. They just read the parts they cherry-pick to back up their polluted fantasies.) you may recall Baal as a Canaanite god. He was the god of fertility. (Which is kinda the opposite direction from “aborted”.)

It wasn’t until the 17th century goetic occult writings that Baal emerges as one of the seven princes of Hell. (Who says my rants aren’t educational?)

Goety, for those of you who didn’t click the link, is a practice that includes the conjuration of demons. (A handy talent to have, no matter what the century.)

Speaking of demons and sprits from “The Dark Side,” let’s get back to Markie.

If you’re listening to these politicians and they’re telling you, ‘Oh, we’re pro-choice, it’s all about a woman’s right to choose, it’s all about women’s health,’ you’re being duped, you’re being lied to.

They don’t care anything about you. All they want from you, as a woman, is to be a breeder for that food source, for you to abort that baby to feed their god called Baal. They don’t care anything about your right to choose, they don’t care anything about your health, all they want is that baby aborted as a sacrifice because every time you abort a baby, it’s a sacrifice to their god called Baal.

Stay tuned!

Grouchy

Featured Image Credit: Philip De Vere
p.s.: If my ramblings don’t revolt you, check out my FaceBook page (“Grouchy’s Grumbles”) you might just enjoy it. Better yet, you might “like” it.  I’d love it if you did. It’s free (and worth every cent) and almost completely painless (other than the usual bad jokes).

Alex Jones: Michelle Obama Has A Penis, May Have Murdered Joan Rivers

 

The competition for “Flakiest Filbert in the Nut Hatchery” must be tremendous!

From “Reverend Senile” (aka “Crazy Uncle” Pat Robertson) to the dispicable Teddy Shoebat, these tinfoil toupeed troglodytes keep trying to top (Or, is that “bottom?”) each other.

It seems that every day, they fantasize something new and even more bizzare than the day before. (Usually via a conversation with “Big Daddy!) But, if “Big D” is busy, or if they’re too damn dumb to dream up a new outrage, they’ll recycle an old one!

Speaking of Alex “Wo0 W0o” Jones,

Three years ago (Sept. 8, 2014, to be exact.) I did a post covering the claim that the “nefarious” Michelle Obama was, in reality(?), a cleverly disgusied male. Not only that, but she was in on the Illuminati plot to kill Joan Rivers.

According to the “Conspiracies-R-Us” gang, that African Islamist, Barack Hussein Obama conspired with the very Christian Illuminati to rub out Joan Rivers. The C-R-U doesn’t mention which Illuminati it is, (There’s more than one offshoot of the original Bavarian Illuminati.) but whoever it is, they’ve got this “super-secret” hit list and Joan’s name is (was?) on it.

It seems that Joan “outed” the president. Not only that, but she exposed Mrs Obama as a tranny. She never explained how she found out. Possibly used her “gaydar” on Barack and her “trannydar” on Michelle. I really don’t know. (Or care.)

In the words of that great philosopher, Yogi Berra, “It’s deja vu all over again!”

In his “Infowars” fantasy fest yesterday, [8/25/18] Alex was back at it and this time he brought along video “proof.”

Michelle Obama] looks like she’s either got a rubber snake in her pants or she is — could be a major porn star in Hollywood. Joan Rivers said this and died, and none of the media will even cover that she had dinner with the Obamas. And then she died, but they don’t ever show in the reports that I’m saying Joan Rivers said it.

Since the early days of the Obama administration, citizens across the board have studied videos and photos of Michelle Obama and said that she is a man.

Look, see it for yourself. Here’s the footage. It’s going to go to number one on YouTube.

Michelle is transgender, we all know it…we have famous photos of her where it appears she has a large bulge in her pants.

Maybe it’s a forked tail that’s six inches long. That’s it. Michelle Obama is a devil. I’ve already made that joke about Obama, but maybe it isn’t, maybe it’s a little forked tail. You decide, what is this hanging between her legs jiggling and flopping around? Here it is. She’s adjusting it. I mean I’ve seen men my whole life, myself, adjust their packages.

There you have it! Straight from the horse’s (nether) mouth. Proof positive(?)

However, remember that Alex has previously claimed without evidence, that the Sandy Hook massacre and Boston bombings were hoaxes and that Barack Obama founded Isis. (I don’t call him “Wo0 W0o” for nothing!)

Stay tuned!

Grouchy

Featured Image Credit: Sean P. Anderson

p.s.: If my ramblings don’t revolt you, check out my FaceBook page (“Grouchy’s Grumbles”) you might just enjoy it. Better yet, you might “like” it.  I’d love it if you did. It’s free (and worth every cent) and almost completely painless (other than the usual bad jokes).

Dave Daubenmire: Paying Government Taxes Is A Sin

And Jesus answering said unto them, Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s. And they marvelled at him.Mark 12:17 KJV

“Coach” Dave Daubenmire (I’d call him “Dooby,” but I have a fondness for “doobies.”) has decided that J.C. was wrong!

Like most “Khristians,” (As opposed to “Christians,” which they ain’t!) the “Coach” likes to cherry-pick passages that celebrate his fantasies. Bible passages that don’t, much like facts that don’t, are gleefully ignored.

For instance, according to Dave, the moon landing was fake!

For those of you lucky enough to have never heard of this troglodyte, your streak is about to end.

I’ll make the intro brief, because I’m out of Emetrol. However, if you’ve got some handy, you can check out his bio in the “Encylopedia of American Loons.”

“Coach” used to be a high school coach before he got kicked out for coercing his players to pray. Nowadays, he’s “coaching God’s team” with his very own ministry: “Pass the Salt(and some Benjamins, while you’re at it).

He’s a bit anti-LGBT, to the extent that he claims “we’re at war” with the demonic LGBTQ agenda!

Don’t you know it’s a war? Don’t you know they want your children? Don’t you know they’re occupying your pulpits? Don’t you understand that those same people singing ‘Jesus loves you this I know’ want to kill us?

He thinks “Main-Line” Christians are a bunch of pussies and America needs “a more violent Christianity!” Which brings us to another thing J.C. supposedly said, and Coach ignores:

But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right. cheek, turn to him the other also.Matthew 5:39 KJV

He’s rabidly anti-Semitic! He thinks ‘Murica was supposed to be a Christian country, and thinks the “Good Book” (At least, the “OT” part) outranks the Constitution. He knows “PizzaGate” is the real deal! And, (This is my fave!) he believes that we are about to be invaded by alien “Cloudeaters” from another dimension!”

They are setting us up for the appearance of these, I believe, extra-dimensional beings that are going to come as our rescuers, the ones who are going to rescue the world and the very elect themselves, if it was possible, will be deceived…The MK Ultras, the satanically ritually abused children. All that kind of stuff, it is right before our face

Ok! Now you know what brand of filbert we’re dealing with, back to today’s subject – Caesar’s renderings!

Caesar (aka: the U. S. of A.), much like every other government since “The Big Bang,” requires that its citizens render unto it, a share of their shekels.

There are some exceptions to that. For instance, if a citizen claims to be a minister, with a ministry like “Pass the Salt,” they are are generally exempt from income tax and receive other favorable treatment under the tax law. That’s a great thing for Coach. Otherwise, he’d be living in sin! (Or in a federal “Rock Hockey Resort!”)

I’ll let him explain his case: (Since I’m not buying a damn bit of it!)

Better ask the Lord, ‘Do you want us to give our money to kill babies? Is that what you want us to do, Lord? Advance homosexuality and perversion in our schools? Lord, do you want me to take some of that hard-earned money that you blessed me with and you want me to give it to continue that process?

I’ll say this without question! The paying of government taxes, I believe, is sin. I’m sorry, I believe it’s sin. And so my struggle is with that premeditated sin every day because I know, for me to give one penny to Planned Parenthood is a sin. If I know what they’re doing with it, it’s a sin. For me to have to pay my property taxes—get your local property tax bill and look at how much of your local property tax goes to fund your schools and ask yourself, ‘Why am I funding that filth?’

Like most of his fellow filberts, he sees no sense in supporting edjamicashun! I think getting fired from his high school job, kinda soured him. (And, just for the record, “Advanced Homosexuality and Perversion” was my favorite class in 3rd grade!)

Planned Parenthood? Coach is using “dog wistle politics!” To troglodytes, “Planned Parenthood” is code for ABORTION!

Thing is, by law, tax dollars in support of PP can NOT be used to fund abortions. (Coach is either too dumb to know that, or he thinks his “flock” is!)

Coach wrapped up his ridiculousness by claiming that every “Christian” would have to explain to Big Daddy, why they supported our wicked government with their taxes.

Stay tuned!

Grouchy

Featured Image Credit: screen grab

p.s.: If my ramblings don’t revolt you, check out my FaceBook page (“Grouchy’s Grumbles”) you might just enjoy it. Better yet, you might “like” it.  I’d love it if you did. It’s free (and worth every cent) and almost completely painless (other than the usual bad jokes).

Wingnut Binds Anti-Trump Demons And Saves ‘Murica!

Rick Wiles has had a wild week.

It was just a couple of days ago [7/2/17] that I covered his brain(?)storm of an idea that Trump (aka “Hair Fuhrer,” aka “Rump.”) should grant Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio a pardon for his conviction for Criminal Contempt and hire him to run the Department of Homeland Security. (Just what ‘Murica needs, one of the biggest racial bigots behind a badge since Bull Conner, in charge of Immigration.)

And then, as a public dooty, (Not a misspelling!) the Rickster alerted the nation of the vile “Deep State Goon Squad” that’s been going around, beating up poor politicians.

As evidence, he cited John McCain’s stitches above his eye, George Bush Sr. choking on a pretzel, (Little) Dick Cheney’s busted lip, Harry Reid’s eye injury and Colin Powell’s broken arm. (Or was it a broken leg?)

What I do recall, through the years, is how many national politicians have had injuries that, to me, were suspicious. Maybe all of these are coincidences, or maybe they’re not. Maybe there is a shadow government that roughs up the politicians when they don’t do all the dirty, evil things that they want done.

Among other “Deep State” dirty deeds: they sent the Capitol Police Containment and Emergency Response Team to the wrong location during the attack on a GOP congressional baseball practice.

Wiles claimed this was intentionally done to “give the gunman more time” to kill as many Congressmen as possible.

Then Ricky went and saved ‘Murica. (Whatta guy!)

It was laborious endeavor, but somebody had to do it! (It took him a whole five minutes!)

Being a “Khristian” (as opposed to “Christian”) prophet…profit, he knew exactly what to do. Simply bind the demonic spirits that are bent on destroying Hair Fuhrer and starting a civil war.

I’ll let the Rickster explain. (As only he, Alex Jones, Jim Bakker and a few others can.)

These are demonic spirits attempting to start a civil war in this country. If they think that they are going to succeed in removing the president of the United States and this country is not going to erupt into a civil war, these people are totally deluded and full of pompous pride. They will destroy the country and they cannot be allowed to do it.

They are acting under the spirit of Lucifer and therefore we, the church, have authority … [to] bind these devils and let’s loose angels to protect the president.

We bind every demonic, evil, wicked, satanic spiri. We bind all of those demonic spirits that are operating in the White House, in the Congress, in the intelligence agencies, in the Pentagon, anywhere in this nation to destabilize the president of the United States and to cause our government to collapse. We bind those evil spirits and we render them paralyzed.

Now, why didn’t I think of that?…(Oh yeah, because “demonic spirits” are fig newtons of an addlepated mind.)

But WAIT! There’s more. Our Rickster’s not just a “3-trick jackass!” (He’s at least a “4.”)

Not content with saving the nation, (or at least his version of it) Ricky decided to tackle a really BIGLY YUUGE problem: cleaning up the mess that masquerades as the “White House.” But not to worry, he knows exactly what to do. He’s gonna “PRAY IT AWAY!”

At this point, a bit of context is in odor…er order.

You see the WH disfunction isn’t caused by leaks or tweets or incompetence. Nosiree! It’s because there’s fighting between factions. For instance, there’s “The Good Guys.” That would be Bannon and Flynn and their buds. And, on the other side, you’ve got “The Bad Guys.” You know, pointy-headed intelligence people, diplomats, Democrat moles, and most especially, National Security Advisor, H.R. McMaster.

It seems that McMaster has a nasty habit of firing some “Good Guys” for super-silly reasons like bias, bigotry or downright incompetence.

Well, Ricky’s had it!

I’m fed up with putting up with this stuff. From now on we go on the offensive in the spirit and we become warriors against this evil force and we call upon the name of the God of this universe and we ask Him to come and fight for us and defeat these wicked people.

Not only that, but the “Holy Spirit” (aka “Sacred Spook”) told him personally that McMaster had to go because he’s an evil globalist. trying to destroy our gearless leader.

Father, we ask that you remove Gen. McMaster from the White House as director of national security. Let this be done quickly as a show of your force, as a show of your intervention in the affairs of this country

Personal note to the Rickster: You might want to change your supplier for your tinfoil toupees, your current ones seem to leak a lot.

He’s done,” Wiles said. “I believe that with all my heart and mind.”

Stay tuned!

Grouchy
p.s.: If my ramblings don’t revolt you, check out my FaceBook page (“Grouchy’s Grumbles”) you might just enjoy it. Better yet, you might “like” it.  I’d love it if you did. It’s free (and worth every cent) and almost completely painless (other than the usual bad jokes).

Michele Bachmann: Hate Crimes Hotline Is A Violation Of The Separation Of Church And State

Michele Bachmann is back!

What I want to know is who the HELL invited her?

It was only a couple of years ago that she left Congress one step ahead of an ethics probe. Of course, she claimed the whole investigation was “a Muslim Brotherhood plot.

Actually, the charges included misuse of campaign funds, during her aborted run at the Presidency. Specifically, using leadership PAC money to pay staff and paying an Iowa State Senator under the table. (Ethics rules bar legislators from being employed by campaigns.)

It was a bit quieter in Tinfoil Toupee Territory after she left. Of course, there were still lots of filberts like Louie Gohmert to take up a bit of the slack, but Michele was in a league of her own.

And then, along came Donny Trump (aka “His Hairness,” aka “Duh Fuhrer,” aka “Rump.”)

She probably felt a bit left out when His Hairness didn’t invite her to join the mayhem that is his administration.

I doubt if that was personal. It’s just that she didn’t meet his qualifications. She isn’t super-rich, she isn’t a high ranking military person with a few tubes loose, and SHE’S A WOMAN. (You’d think that Rump would at least want to grab her “youknowwhat.”)

I know, the Secretary of Education, Betsy DeVos, claims to be a woman, but she donated millions to “the cause.” (Money trumps gender in Trumpistan!)

In any case, Michele is back in the news cycle once again.

It seems she’s got a bad case of the “upsets” about an “unconstitutional” action by Minneapolis. (Btw, “Minneapolis” is NOT Chippewa for “Apple Orchard!” Who says my posts aren’t educational?) The city actually had the audacity to set up a “hate crime” hotline.

To Michele, this reeks of fascism, not to mention government interference with the religious right of “Khristians” (As opposed to “Christians,” which they ain’t!) to be assholes

Over the weekend, Michele went on Jan Markell’s “Understanding The Times” radio rant fest to share her feelings on the matter.

What we’re seeing is that hotlines are being set up by units of government for the purpose of encouraging people to call in and rat on their fellow man to report a hate crime. What they’re trying to do is implement anti-blasphemy laws. They’re trying to implement Islamic Sharia law locally in order to quiet churches and quiet anybody who would talk about what the truth is about Islam.

What they want is civilization jihad. They want jihad through the court system to silence speech because when you take away someone’s speech rights to speak out—like we’re doing right now, to tell the truth about something—then it’s game over … There should be a lawsuit filed against the city of Minneapolis for doing this. They have violated the so-called separation of church and state that the left is so in love with because they’re preferring Islam over any other religion and, number two, they’re fascists. That’s what they are, they’re fascists; they want to shut down your right to free speech.

I noticed that she brought up the “Sharia law” thingy. That seems to be an extremely dangerous item to the religious(?) wing-nuts. They are deathly afraid of the miniscule Muslim population taking over the judicial system and replacing it with “Sharia.” However, they truely believe (Michele included) that this country should be ruled under biblical law, which, if you look close, is a mirror image of “Sharia.” (Probably stems from the fact that Jews, Christians and Muslims are all “People of the Book.”)

Stay tuned!

Grouchy
p.s.: If my ramblings don’t revolt you, check out my FaceBook page (“Grouchy’s Grumbles”) you might just enjoy it. Better yet, you might “like” it.  I’d love it if you did. It’s free (and worth every cent) and almost completely painless (other than the usual bad jokes).

Fruitcake: One Third Of The Government Is Involved In A Satanic Pedophile Ring

A “satanic pedophile ring?” And a third of the government is involved?

That’s either the hottest news story in decades, someone is seriously off their meds again, or maybe they’re just fishing for money and using bullshit for bait! (My money is on Door #3!)

There’s big Benjamins to be earned on the “I Hate Hillary and/or Obama” Circuit. (Not to mention, book sales to the “It’s hard reading words with over four letters” crowd.)

Right now, you’re probably asking yourself, “Where do they find these imbeciles?

Meet Liz Crokin!

Lizzy is a minor leaguer trying to break into the “bigs” by outlandishing the competition. She’s been a volunteer or intern for “Great ‘Muricans,” like George “Duh” Bush (aka: “Bush League”) and Billo (“the Clown”) O’Reilly. She now writes for WorldNetDaily (aka: “WeirdNutsDrooling”).

Lizzy got a bit of attention back in May when she claimed that it wasn’t up to conspiracy theorists to prove anything. It was up to the anti-conspiracy theorists to prove them wrong!

If you want to debunk a story, a conspiracy theory, you have to prove evidence that X, Y, and Z isn’t true and no one does that! This isn’t the conspiracy theory defense. I’m sorry, it’s not going to fly anymore.

Sounds logical. (If your height in inches is a larger number than your IQ.)

Nowadays she’s into that whole “PizzaGate” thingy. You know, the one where the Big Bad Democrats had this hole….excuse me, whole child-sex thing going on in places that were masquerading as restaurants, pizza joints and bookstores. Oh yeah, and Hillary headed it!

Some people believed all this bullshit. (According to one poll, taken at the time, 9% of Americans really are that stupid!) Included in that exclusive group is ex-National Security Advisor, Mike Flynn (of Russian collusion fame).

In fact, one guy, whose nose hairs outnumbered his IQ, walked into Comet Ping Pong (Sex Slave Central?) with his loaded AR-15 type rifle to do a bit of “self-investigating.” While there, he “self-investigated” three bullets into a wall. (If he was aiming at people, he shoots like he thinks. If he was aiming at the wall, at least he managed to hit it.) He later stated that he “found no evidence that underage children were being harbored in the restaurant.”

As an award for his adventure, he got a 4 year vacation at the Iron Bar Inn. Plus, he had to pay for damages to Comet Ping Pong. That bill came to $5744.33 ($1914.78 per bullet hole).

But, back to our gal, Lizzy.

Though a “Lizzy-come-lately” to the PizzaGate fun and games, she brought out some heavy artillery! (Does that qualify as a mixed metaphor? Sometimes I like to mix and match them.)

In the early part of July, she exploded a bombshell! (…….Ok, so it was more like a fire cracker.) It seems (to Lizzy) that not only were these perverted, child-sex-lovers doing unmentionable things to poor sweet innocents, they were also a bunch of murderous thugs!

On “The Hagmann and Hagmann Report,” she claimed that they had put a hit on Rep. Steve Scalise.

Scalise, I truly believe, was specifically targeted in the Alexandria shooting, I believe it was a hit because of his work with sex trafficking!

If you start taking the microscope under these people that are speaking out the loudest against [Jeff] Sessions, Scalise and [President] Trump, you will find many, many ties to pedophilia.

Is it a coincidence that he was just starting to push for legislation to end human trafficking? I don’t think so. And we damn well know the Podesta emails, that those emails are filled with pedophile code words. Connect the dots.

Oh, and her proof? (I’m so glad you asked!) The Democrats sent pizzas to Scalise’s staff, just to rub it in!

And, as they say in old infomercials, “But wait! There’s more!

More specifically, more utter MORONity!

You may (I hope!) remember back a few paragraphs when I mentioned that this salacious, sex syndicate was populated by Hillary and her Democratic Elite Henchpersons. (That kinda sounds like a really bad lesbian grunge band.)

Well, (alternate) truth be told, it’s much bigger than that. In fact, you might even call it YUGE! (You might! I never would!)

Just last week, Lizzy went on Dave Hodges’ “The Common Sense Show,” to share her latest tinfoil hairnet slippage. That nasty, vile, and may I say,  very naughty, Democrat O&O (Owned and Operated) pedophile syndicate has GONE GLOBAL! (A true American success story!)

The leadership now consists of big wigs of various governments, corporate captains and kinky celebs.

Not only that, but “one-third of the government” is part of this. However, don’t get your “Sponge Bobs” all bunched up. There’s a reason for that: It comes with their membership in the satanic Illuminati cult that runs the operation. (I hear the numbers in the Child Protection Departments are exceptionally high.)

And, they not only play “Fun-between-the-Buns” with their little “lovers,” the also kill and eat them. (I think the ritual is called “The Sexy Praying Mantis,” but I could be wrong.) They also drink their blood.

The raping of children and the drinking of blood, this is a ritual they do, this is their religion, this is how they believe they obtain power. That is very hard for people to believe, but we did learn from the Podesta emails, that is exactly what is going on.

She neglected to comment on which were the most savory parts (I’m a “breast guy” myself. Or maybe a baby rib eye.) or even how to cook them. (Maybe they like ’em tartare.) However, that does explain the resturants and pizza joints.

That’s very hard for the public to process, so President Trump and his people understand that they can’t just come out one day and be like, ‘Oh hey, one third of the government is raping children and sacrificing them and drinking their blood and they’re satanists.’ You just can’t drop that bomb on people; people can’t process that information like that, they need it in doses, they need to be conditioned. So what we have going on behind the scenes is that … the Trump administration is slowly trying to condition the public and try to prepare them for what’s about to go down.

Whew! For a minute there, I was soooo worried. I didn’t know Duh Fuhrer was on the case!

He’ll get to the bottom of these sex-crazed killers and drinkers of baby blood. And, you know dang well he’ll bring his yuge twitter paddle with him when he gets there. It’s VERY bigly! It takes two hands to operate. (Well, two Trump hands, anyway.)

Stay tuned!

Grouchy

p.s.: If my ramblings don’t revolt you, check out my FaceBook page (“Grouchy’s Grumbles”) you might just enjoy it. Better yet, you might “like” it.  I’d love it if you did. It’s free (and worth every cent) and almost completely painless (other than the usual bad jokes).

Wingnut Declares War On Witches Attacking The Trumps

Cotton Mather Lives! (Or, at least his superstitious stupidity does.)

Over the last year or so, a number of troglodyte “Khristians” (As opposed to “Christian,” which they ain’t!) have seen witches coming out of the woodwork.

Last fall, a Family Research Council member, Robert Maginnis, visited Jim Bakker to spread the alarm.

I have personally met people that refer to themselves as witches, people that say they advise the senior leadership of the country. We invite within the federal government people to advise us and often some of those advisers, I think, have evil motivations, things that you and I would not approve of.

And then in February, everybody’s least favorite crazy uncle, Pat Robertson, piped in.

I read that a bunch of witches have gotten together to put a curse on Trump, and I think the Christians need to be praying for him to defend him.

Pat’s Co-Hostess, Wendy Griffith stated that “probably millions” of Christians are praying to cancel out the witches curses. She didn’t mention the “probably millions” of Americans that are praying that Trump will rot in Hell!

In June, warnings started surfacing about witches brewing something up for Summer Solstice.

Rumor had it that the majority of witches were students from Uadaguo [Wag-a-do], the African wizarding school and the event was hosted by its American counterpart, Ilvermorny. There are also unconfirmed sightings of several Hogwarts alumni, including Hermione Weasley. (Just kidding(?) about this part.)

With this cat-ass-trophy on the horizon, the president of Intercessors for America (IFA) issued an urgent call to prayer about this abhorent sacrilege. (And, he knows a thing or three about sacrilege.)

Whether or not this call for spells pans out and people act on it, we feel compelled, as the body of Christ and intercessors, to come against this evil with immediate and powerful prayer.

At one point, a pair of Roman Catholic female eunuchs even outed Katy Perry as a witch. Some unbelievers called this “

Some unbelievers called this “nunsense.” I mean, Katy may get a bit “out there” at times, but I’ve never seen her in proximity of a broom.

On the other hand, just look at all the adolescent males she’s cast a spell on.

Which brings us to the latest (But, not the greatest.) tinfoil slippage about the witchery situation.

Khristian bible beater and Rump licker extraordinaire, Lance Wallnau, has had enough of these witch curses. Lance claims that Rump is ok because sooo many people are praying for him. Besides, Lance has already prayed the impeachment away.

Oh, and Rump is already safe from a stroke as well. A few days ago, he watched fellow troglodyte, Rodney Howard Brown, pray it away.

The devil is trying to get him and his family. And I heard Rodney Howard-Browne say when he laid hands on the president, he was worried there was a stroke coming; well, we veto that stroke in Jesus’ name! That is nothing but stress and we’re breaking it off of him right now.

So, Rump is all prayed-safe, but think of poor Bevis & Butthead, Jarhead, and the rest of family.

Photo Credit: mccauleys-corner

 

 

 

 

 

People are praying for the president, but they’re not necessarily praying for his family. So right now, all those witchcraft curses that did not land on Donald Trump are trying to take out his kids, trying to take out his offspring, trying to attack anything near him.

He knows this for a fact, because he’s seen it before.

Lance remembered when a bud of his was “casting a demon out of somebody” while driving down the highway and the demon jumped right into a dog. The dog jumped out of the car and with the aid of an oncoming vehicle, morphed into a freeway flapjack!

He then went on to state,

We take authority over every hex, vex, spell, jinx, satanic curse, blood curse, every demon assigned to destroy the health of the president, to destroy the health of his family, to harass him, to vex him, to cause him to lose sleep.

In Jesus name, we veto every curse that has been brought against Donald Trump and his family and his administration.

Stay tuned!

Grouchy

h/t: Right Wing Watch
p.s.: If my ramblings don’t revolt you, check out my FaceBook page (“Grouchy’s Grumbles”) you might just enjoy it. Better yet, you might “like” it.  I’d love it if you did. It’s free (and worth every cent) and almost completely painless (other than the usual bad jokes).

Wingnut: Stop Funding Planned Parenthood And God Will Heal All Disease (Video)

Gordon Klingenschmitt is one of those “Khristian” (As opposed to “Christian,” which he ain’t!) troglodytes that gets the eminations of his oral and anal cavities mixed up!

I won’t go deep into his history, (If you want to, start here!) other than to mention that he was a chaplin in the navy, built a “ministry” around a lie about his court martial that got him kicked out, and then found enough stupid people in Colorado to elect him to office. Although, even they weren’t stupid enough to elect him again. (He lost in the primary.)

Since then he’s back with his ministry and a regular on the “Pepe the Frog” circuit. Oh, and he has a program, ironically named “Pray in Jesus Name,” even though, where J.C. preached love, he preaches hate!

On his program last week, he weighed in on the Senate battle over its “DeathCare” bill. According to Gordo-head, we don’t need no stinking bill. All we have to do is make the government quit funding Planned Parenthood abortions and the “Guy in the sky” will “heal your diseases.”

He claims the politicians fighting to keep Planned Parenhood abortion funding “are being influenced by a demonic spirit because they want to kill children with your taxpayer dollars” Of course, almost every group that Gordo-head doesn’t like is, according to him, influenced by demonic spirits.

For instance:

  • The Disney Corp for making “Beauty & the Beast(The movie was made to turn kids gay.);
  • ABC TV for creating a show with a gay minister (Heaven forbid, or at least, Gordo-head forbid.);
  • Gays (Of course!);
  • The Supreme Court (I did a post on that a couple of years ago.);
  • And ex-President Obama! (You knew that one was coming!)

There’s a whole bunch more, but you get the idea.

Back to his latest oral bowel movement:

You know what the solution to America’s healthcare crisis is? Obey the Ten Commandments, stop funding abortion, stop funding child killing and God will heal your diseases, America. The supernatural blessing of healing is available if we stop working with the demonic spirit of murder…we would receive [Big Daddy’s] healing and wouldn’t need to rely on socialist healthcare.

A couple of inconvenient “truth bombs” that either G-h is to ignorant to be aware of, or just get in the way of his rants:

  1. THERE IS NO FEDERAL FUNDING FOR ABORTIONS! Whether it’s to Planned Parenthood or Joe’s All Night Garage and Fetus Killing Palace!
  2. There are a number of countries where abortions are illegal and I haven’t noticed Big D jumping in and curing all their diseases.

But, then again, what is truth to a bozo that makes his bucks selling hate and lies?

Stay tuned!

Grouchy
p.s.: If my ramblings don’t revolt you, check out my FaceBook page (“Grouchy’s Grumbles”) you might just enjoy it. Better yet, you might “like” it.  I’d love it if you did. It’s free (and worth every cent) and almost completely painless (other than the usual bad jokes).