Gohmert: investigate Democrats for staging Charlotte neo-Nazi riot.

“Screwy” Louie Gohmert is back in the news cycle!

After the wide-spread condemnation of the club-swinging, automotive hit-and-run actions of the white supremacists in Charlottesville, Loony Louie (aka “Screwy” Louie, aka “Goober”) claims we’re aiming at the wrong targets.

Going beyond the “bothsiderism” of the Regressive Bullshit Machine and the “Some of the white supremacists were nice people” claim of the “so-called” president, Goober knows the real culprit. And, (surprise, surprise) he’s a Democrat.

No, it wasn’t “Obama done it,” for a change. Although some Regressive “whosit?” From Idaho (Oregon’s embarrassment of a neighbor) thinks so! Besides, Bullshit Mtn’s Ralph Peters claims the “Big O” was busy being responsible for the USS John McCain’s collision.

Sunday, Goober unvailed his crackpot conspiracy on Bullshit Mtn’s “Fox & Friends” (of Rump)

The way forward’s not gonna be easy. And I think the Justice Department needs a full investigation of the governor, of the mayor.

For those non-“Virginia politics nerds” that’s Governor Terry McAuliffe and Charlottesville Mayer Michael Signer. And, wouldn’t you know it? They’re both Dems.

Methinks deviltry is afoot! (Or at least seven or eight inches.)

Back to the filbert’s fantasy:

Screwy Louie thinks this is just the tippy-top of the pair’s nefarious deeds. According to him, they were behind all the violence at poor Don-Don’s rallies!

We have got to have this investigated. They were the violence (sic) at Trump events, and they may have been behind this violence getting started. They facilitated it, anyway.

Then on Monday, Goober hopped over to “Fox Business,” another neighborhood on Bullshit Mtn, to claim this is all a racist ploy by the Dems.

This has been stirred up. This is being driven by forces of evil that are so far beyond what normal people can think about.

There is a strategy to make race the number one issue in 2018 and 2020. They think it’s their ticket back this is going to blow up in their face,

Right now you’re probably asking yourself one of two questions.

  1. Did loony Louie run out of tinfoil? Or,
  2. Where the hell did he come up with this

Well, it turns out that Louie knows a guy who knows a guy that saw KKK and BLM members get off the same Greyhounds in Charlottesville. It’s obvious that they couldn’t have gotten on the buses at different stops! HELL NO! This is shear (VERY shear) proof of collusion.

We need an investigation as to what happened in Charlottesville! Who paid for the different groups to come in? Who ordered the funneling of those groups together? Who ordered to stand by while the violence goes on?

Stay tuned!

Grouchy

Featured Image Credit: DonkeyHotey
p.s.: If my ramblings don’t revolt you, check out my FaceBook page (“Grouchy’s Grumbles”) you might just enjoy it. Better yet, you might “like” it.  I’d love it if you did. It’s free (and worth every cent) and almost completely painless (other than the usual bad jokes).

Pat Robertson: Agents Searching Manafort’s Home Is ‘Outrageous’

Giving credence to the old saw, “There’s no fool like an old fool,” crazy uncle Pat strikes again!

Unless you’ve been skiing on Hoth (Watch out for the wampas!), you’ve heard about the search of the Paul Manafort manse by federal agents. Pat Robertson has and he’s NOT a happy camper. (More like a crappy hamper.)

As he put it,

Federal agents armed with a warrant broke into his home. What in the world is going on?

Now, the story of Manafort’s problems with the feds (Possible Russian collusion and money laundering, to name just a couple.) has been all over the news for months. However, in Pat’s defense, short term memory loss is one symptom of dementia.

Pat’s co-host,Terry Meeuwsen, had a thought(?),

Do you feel like when a special counsel is appointed like that and actions like that are taken, it’s almost as though something has to be found.

Pat totally agreed. As he put it, “Exactly!”

Pat seems to think it’s a “fishing expedition.” (But Rump claims it’s a “witch hunt.” Which is it? Hunting or fishing?)

Now he’s [Mueller] empowering grand juries and having search warrants of distinguished Republican’s homes, this is outrageous!

No Pat, it’s how the process works when there’s sufficient evidence that possible crimes have been committed. Oh, and utilizing a search warrent is NOT “breaking in.”

Pat’s also pretty pissed that Hair Fuhrer is out-armed in the legal battle against that nasty old Special Prosecuter. Mean Mr Mueller has a full team of experienced experts and poor little Don-Don only has two or three blowhards. (My description, not Pat’s.)

It’s like going to a knife fight armed with a stick of butter.

Stay tuned!

Grouchy

h/t: Crooks & Liars

Featured Image Credit: Daniel Oines

p.s.: If my ramblings don’t revolt you, check out my FaceBook page (“Grouchy’s Grumbles”) you might just enjoy it. Better yet, you might “like” it.  I’d love it if you did. It’s free (and worth every cent) and almost completely painless (other than the usual bad jokes).

 

Dave Daubenmire: Paying Government Taxes Is A Sin

And Jesus answering said unto them, Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s. And they marvelled at him.Mark 12:17 KJV

“Coach” Dave Daubenmire (I’d call him “Dooby,” but I have a fondness for “doobies.”) has decided that J.C. was wrong!

Like most “Khristians,” (As opposed to “Christians,” which they ain’t!) the “Coach” likes to cherry-pick passages that celebrate his fantasies. Bible passages that don’t, much like facts that don’t, are gleefully ignored.

For instance, according to Dave, the moon landing was fake!

For those of you lucky enough to have never heard of this troglodyte, your streak is about to end.

I’ll make the intro brief, because I’m out of Emetrol. However, if you’ve got some handy, you can check out his bio in the “Encylopedia of American Loons.”

“Coach” used to be a high school coach before he got kicked out for coercing his players to pray. Nowadays, he’s “coaching God’s team” with his very own ministry: “Pass the Salt(and some Benjamins, while you’re at it).

He’s a bit anti-LGBT, to the extent that he claims “we’re at war” with the demonic LGBTQ agenda!

Don’t you know it’s a war? Don’t you know they want your children? Don’t you know they’re occupying your pulpits? Don’t you understand that those same people singing ‘Jesus loves you this I know’ want to kill us?

He thinks “Main-Line” Christians are a bunch of pussies and America needs “a more violent Christianity!” Which brings us to another thing J.C. supposedly said, and Coach ignores:

But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right. cheek, turn to him the other also.Matthew 5:39 KJV

He’s rabidly anti-Semitic! He thinks ‘Murica was supposed to be a Christian country, and thinks the “Good Book” (At least, the “OT” part) outranks the Constitution. He knows “PizzaGate” is the real deal! And, (This is my fave!) he believes that we are about to be invaded by alien “Cloudeaters” from another dimension!”

They are setting us up for the appearance of these, I believe, extra-dimensional beings that are going to come as our rescuers, the ones who are going to rescue the world and the very elect themselves, if it was possible, will be deceived…The MK Ultras, the satanically ritually abused children. All that kind of stuff, it is right before our face

Ok! Now you know what brand of filbert we’re dealing with, back to today’s subject – Caesar’s renderings!

Caesar (aka: the U. S. of A.), much like every other government since “The Big Bang,” requires that its citizens render unto it, a share of their shekels.

There are some exceptions to that. For instance, if a citizen claims to be a minister, with a ministry like “Pass the Salt,” they are are generally exempt from income tax and receive other favorable treatment under the tax law. That’s a great thing for Coach. Otherwise, he’d be living in sin! (Or in a federal “Rock Hockey Resort!”)

I’ll let him explain his case: (Since I’m not buying a damn bit of it!)

Better ask the Lord, ‘Do you want us to give our money to kill babies? Is that what you want us to do, Lord? Advance homosexuality and perversion in our schools? Lord, do you want me to take some of that hard-earned money that you blessed me with and you want me to give it to continue that process?

I’ll say this without question! The paying of government taxes, I believe, is sin. I’m sorry, I believe it’s sin. And so my struggle is with that premeditated sin every day because I know, for me to give one penny to Planned Parenthood is a sin. If I know what they’re doing with it, it’s a sin. For me to have to pay my property taxes—get your local property tax bill and look at how much of your local property tax goes to fund your schools and ask yourself, ‘Why am I funding that filth?’

Like most of his fellow filberts, he sees no sense in supporting edjamicashun! I think getting fired from his high school job, kinda soured him. (And, just for the record, “Advanced Homosexuality and Perversion” was my favorite class in 3rd grade!)

Planned Parenthood? Coach is using “dog wistle politics!” To troglodytes, “Planned Parenthood” is code for ABORTION!

Thing is, by law, tax dollars in support of PP can NOT be used to fund abortions. (Coach is either too dumb to know that, or he thinks his “flock” is!)

Coach wrapped up his ridiculousness by claiming that every “Christian” would have to explain to Big Daddy, why they supported our wicked government with their taxes.

Stay tuned!

Grouchy

Featured Image Credit: screen grab

p.s.: If my ramblings don’t revolt you, check out my FaceBook page (“Grouchy’s Grumbles”) you might just enjoy it. Better yet, you might “like” it.  I’d love it if you did. It’s free (and worth every cent) and almost completely painless (other than the usual bad jokes).

Wingnut Binds Anti-Trump Demons And Saves ‘Murica!

Rick Wiles has had a wild week.

It was just a couple of days ago [7/2/17] that I covered his brain(?)storm of an idea that Trump (aka “Hair Fuhrer,” aka “Rump.”) should grant Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio a pardon for his conviction for Criminal Contempt and hire him to run the Department of Homeland Security. (Just what ‘Murica needs, one of the biggest racial bigots behind a badge since Bull Conner, in charge of Immigration.)

And then, as a public dooty, (Not a misspelling!) the Rickster alerted the nation of the vile “Deep State Goon Squad” that’s been going around, beating up poor politicians.

As evidence, he cited John McCain’s stitches above his eye, George Bush Sr. choking on a pretzel, (Little) Dick Cheney’s busted lip, Harry Reid’s eye injury and Colin Powell’s broken arm. (Or was it a broken leg?)

What I do recall, through the years, is how many national politicians have had injuries that, to me, were suspicious. Maybe all of these are coincidences, or maybe they’re not. Maybe there is a shadow government that roughs up the politicians when they don’t do all the dirty, evil things that they want done.

Among other “Deep State” dirty deeds: they sent the Capitol Police Containment and Emergency Response Team to the wrong location during the attack on a GOP congressional baseball practice.

Wiles claimed this was intentionally done to “give the gunman more time” to kill as many Congressmen as possible.

Then Ricky went and saved ‘Murica. (Whatta guy!)

It was laborious endeavor, but somebody had to do it! (It took him a whole five minutes!)

Being a “Khristian” (as opposed to “Christian”) prophet…profit, he knew exactly what to do. Simply bind the demonic spirits that are bent on destroying Hair Fuhrer and starting a civil war.

I’ll let the Rickster explain. (As only he, Alex Jones, Jim Bakker and a few others can.)

These are demonic spirits attempting to start a civil war in this country. If they think that they are going to succeed in removing the president of the United States and this country is not going to erupt into a civil war, these people are totally deluded and full of pompous pride. They will destroy the country and they cannot be allowed to do it.

They are acting under the spirit of Lucifer and therefore we, the church, have authority … [to] bind these devils and let’s loose angels to protect the president.

We bind every demonic, evil, wicked, satanic spiri. We bind all of those demonic spirits that are operating in the White House, in the Congress, in the intelligence agencies, in the Pentagon, anywhere in this nation to destabilize the president of the United States and to cause our government to collapse. We bind those evil spirits and we render them paralyzed.

Now, why didn’t I think of that?…(Oh yeah, because “demonic spirits” are fig newtons of an addlepated mind.)

But WAIT! There’s more. Our Rickster’s not just a “3-trick jackass!” (He’s at least a “4.”)

Not content with saving the nation, (or at least his version of it) Ricky decided to tackle a really BIGLY YUUGE problem: cleaning up the mess that masquerades as the “White House.” But not to worry, he knows exactly what to do. He’s gonna “PRAY IT AWAY!”

At this point, a bit of context is in odor…er order.

You see the WH disfunction isn’t caused by leaks or tweets or incompetence. Nosiree! It’s because there’s fighting between factions. For instance, there’s “The Good Guys.” That would be Bannon and Flynn and their buds. And, on the other side, you’ve got “The Bad Guys.” You know, pointy-headed intelligence people, diplomats, Democrat moles, and most especially, National Security Advisor, H.R. McMaster.

It seems that McMaster has a nasty habit of firing some “Good Guys” for super-silly reasons like bias, bigotry or downright incompetence.

Well, Ricky’s had it!

I’m fed up with putting up with this stuff. From now on we go on the offensive in the spirit and we become warriors against this evil force and we call upon the name of the God of this universe and we ask Him to come and fight for us and defeat these wicked people.

Not only that, but the “Holy Spirit” (aka “Sacred Spook”) told him personally that McMaster had to go because he’s an evil globalist. trying to destroy our gearless leader.

Father, we ask that you remove Gen. McMaster from the White House as director of national security. Let this be done quickly as a show of your force, as a show of your intervention in the affairs of this country

Personal note to the Rickster: You might want to change your supplier for your tinfoil toupees, your current ones seem to leak a lot.

He’s done,” Wiles said. “I believe that with all my heart and mind.”

Stay tuned!

Grouchy
p.s.: If my ramblings don’t revolt you, check out my FaceBook page (“Grouchy’s Grumbles”) you might just enjoy it. Better yet, you might “like” it.  I’d love it if you did. It’s free (and worth every cent) and almost completely painless (other than the usual bad jokes).

Sheriff Joe Arpaio In Charge Of DHS?

Sheriff, or more accurately, Ex-Sheriff, Joe Arpaio got some bad news this week. A mean old judge decided that violating a court order is a NO-NO, even if you are “America’s Toughest Sheriff!” (That’s the way Sheriff Joe thought of himself. Others would have used a different adjective!)

As a reward for blatantly not doing what he was told to do and doing what he was told not to do (aka “Criminal Contempt“), Sheriff Joe gets an all-expense-paid vacation at the local “Stony Lonesome Inn” for up to 6 months.

The good thing for Sheriff Joe (and the sad thing for the rest of us) is that the man that knocked him out at the ballot box, closed the “tent city” jail. (Sitting in a tent on a 110 degree summer day gets awfully close to “cruel & unusual.”) Also gone are those pretty pink jumpsuits Sheriff Joe liked his prisoners to wear. (Sheriff Joe sure must like pink…..)

Maybe they could make an exception and bring those back, just for Joe. (He’d be more comfortable in familiar surroundings.)

Now, the filbert-fringe types claim this is all a Dem plot to defame a true defender of ‘Murica! (At least the “white” part of it.) They’ve been hoping that the feds would drop the whole thing now that Trump (aka “Hair Fuhrer”) has taken over. Didn’t happen!

Fear not! Rick Wyles has come up with a llollapa-LOSER of a brain(?)storm.

You may remember the Rickster from such gems as:

There’s a hell of a lot more, but you get the picture.

Anyway, now that it’s too late to get the case dropped, it’s time to get a pardon from Hair Fuhrer. (Maybe as part of a group thingy when our gearless leader pardons himself, his family, staff and any Russians involved.) That would free up Sheriff Joe to take the next step up the ladder. (And avoid singing the “Iron Bar Blues.”)

What would that next step be?” you may ask.

Isn’t it obvious? But here, I’ll let the Rickster tell you:

I have an idea. In addition to giving him a presidential pardon … President Trump, if you want to stand for justice and do something to strike against the deep state, please nominate Sheriff Arpaio to be the next secretary of Homeland Security.

The position will put him in charge of the Immigration and Customs Enforcement Agency, along with the U.S. Border Patrol Agency. Your friends will shout with excitement and gratitude and your enemies will howl in misery, like wounded wolves.

Just what ‘Murica needs, one of the biggest racial bigots behind a badge since Bull Conner, in charge of Immigration. As for America, it’s one of the last things we need!

Stay tuned!

Grouchy

Featured Image Credit: Gage Skidmore
p.s.: If my ramblings don’t revolt you, check out my FaceBook page (“Grouchy’s Grumbles”) you might just enjoy it. Better yet, you might “like” it.  I’d love it if you did. It’s free (and worth every cent) and almost completely painless (other than the usual bad jokes).

 

Michele Bachmann: Hate Crimes Hotline Is A Violation Of The Separation Of Church And State

Michele Bachmann is back!

What I want to know is who the HELL invited her?

It was only a couple of years ago that she left Congress one step ahead of an ethics probe. Of course, she claimed the whole investigation was “a Muslim Brotherhood plot.

Actually, the charges included misuse of campaign funds, during her aborted run at the Presidency. Specifically, using leadership PAC money to pay staff and paying an Iowa State Senator under the table. (Ethics rules bar legislators from being employed by campaigns.)

It was a bit quieter in Tinfoil Toupee Territory after she left. Of course, there were still lots of filberts like Louie Gohmert to take up a bit of the slack, but Michele was in a league of her own.

And then, along came Donny Trump (aka “His Hairness,” aka “Duh Fuhrer,” aka “Rump.”)

She probably felt a bit left out when His Hairness didn’t invite her to join the mayhem that is his administration.

I doubt if that was personal. It’s just that she didn’t meet his qualifications. She isn’t super-rich, she isn’t a high ranking military person with a few tubes loose, and SHE’S A WOMAN. (You’d think that Rump would at least want to grab her “youknowwhat.”)

I know, the Secretary of Education, Betsy DeVos, claims to be a woman, but she donated millions to “the cause.” (Money trumps gender in Trumpistan!)

In any case, Michele is back in the news cycle once again.

It seems she’s got a bad case of the “upsets” about an “unconstitutional” action by Minneapolis. (Btw, “Minneapolis” is NOT Chippewa for “Apple Orchard!” Who says my posts aren’t educational?) The city actually had the audacity to set up a “hate crime” hotline.

To Michele, this reeks of fascism, not to mention government interference with the religious right of “Khristians” (As opposed to “Christians,” which they ain’t!) to be assholes

Over the weekend, Michele went on Jan Markell’s “Understanding The Times” radio rant fest to share her feelings on the matter.

What we’re seeing is that hotlines are being set up by units of government for the purpose of encouraging people to call in and rat on their fellow man to report a hate crime. What they’re trying to do is implement anti-blasphemy laws. They’re trying to implement Islamic Sharia law locally in order to quiet churches and quiet anybody who would talk about what the truth is about Islam.

What they want is civilization jihad. They want jihad through the court system to silence speech because when you take away someone’s speech rights to speak out—like we’re doing right now, to tell the truth about something—then it’s game over … There should be a lawsuit filed against the city of Minneapolis for doing this. They have violated the so-called separation of church and state that the left is so in love with because they’re preferring Islam over any other religion and, number two, they’re fascists. That’s what they are, they’re fascists; they want to shut down your right to free speech.

I noticed that she brought up the “Sharia law” thingy. That seems to be an extremely dangerous item to the religious(?) wing-nuts. They are deathly afraid of the miniscule Muslim population taking over the judicial system and replacing it with “Sharia.” However, they truely believe (Michele included) that this country should be ruled under biblical law, which, if you look close, is a mirror image of “Sharia.” (Probably stems from the fact that Jews, Christians and Muslims are all “People of the Book.”)

Stay tuned!

Grouchy
p.s.: If my ramblings don’t revolt you, check out my FaceBook page (“Grouchy’s Grumbles”) you might just enjoy it. Better yet, you might “like” it.  I’d love it if you did. It’s free (and worth every cent) and almost completely painless (other than the usual bad jokes).

Jim Bakker Promotes His New Survival Food With A Horrible Bee Gees Cover

Jim Bakker’s got a sweeeet thing going.

After several years R&R at the Ironbar Inn for various naughty-naughties, he’s devised a new scheme for rakling in the Benjamins: He’s an “End-Times” screacher…er “preacher.” Instead of promoting the “fire & brimstone” that awaits your arrival in Hell, he’s bringing it right down (up?) here to Earth.

So, you’re asking yourself, “How does that bring in the big bucks?” (I’m sooo glad you asked!)

Almost every “religion” has their version of “the last days.” (Personally, I prefer the Norse “Ragnarök” version with Odin, Thor, Loki and that whole Asgardian gang.) One thing almost all of the versions agree on, is that the “End Times” are not going to be the “Fun Times!” They envision a multi-system breakdown and a collapse of the social order!

What’s a Big Daddy fearing individual supposed to do when the fecal material hits the fan? What if they’re a bit too sinful to be “raptured?” How is he/she, and dependents, going to survive?

Ok, first lets get rid of that “Rapture” nonsense. It ain’t in the bible, folks. It was invented in 1830 by John Nelson Darby. Oh, and those 144,000 mentioned in Revelations? They seem to be reserected, not raptured, Jewish virgins. 12,000 from each tribe. (So, unless you’re a dead Jew who never “did the deed,” you’re out of luck!)

However, fear not, true believers! Bakker has not only manufactured the problem, he’s figured out how to profit from it: JIMBO SELLS SURVIVAL GEAR AND FOOD!

And, speaking of survival food, Brother Bakker is now promoting a “NEW & IMPROVED” name for his vittles. It’s now called “Staying Alive!” (Can you dig it?) AND it now has enough preservatives in it that it won’t rot for 30 years! HALLELUJAH!

He devoted part of his “Jim Bakker Show” on Tuesday, to spreading the “GOOD NEWS” about his tummy treats.

This show today is so important. God woke me up and I felt the presence of God like I never felt and He said, ‘Jim, I want you to do more food, build a new type of food.’

This is what God is saying to me. We’re in the Last Days. The years I spent in prison, God showed me the revelation and I’m telling you, almost all of it [has already happened.] We’re going to see the End of Time and that is where we are right now.

If you’ve got the Emetrol handy, here’s the whole pius pitch, including “NEW & IMPROVED(?)” lyrics to the Bee Gee’s “Stayin’ Alive.”

DANGER WILL ROBINSON: The music commences at about the 1:30 mark!

For those of you who prefer the “REAL DEAL,”here’s the “Wonders From Down Under,” “The Dukes of Disco,” Barry, Robin and Maurice, the Bee Gees, themselves (well, their voices, anyway) with scenes from the flick and displayed lyrics to aid you in committing karaoke.

Grouchy

Btw, I snuck in an “Easter Egg.” Happy hunting!

p.s.: If my ramblings don’t revolt you, check out my FaceBook page (“Grouchy’s Grumbles”) you might just enjoy it. Better yet, you might “like” it.  I’d love it if you did. It’s free (and worth every cent) and almost completely painless (other than the usual bad jokes)

Fruitcake: One Third Of The Government Is Involved In A Satanic Pedophile Ring

A “satanic pedophile ring?” And a third of the government is involved?

That’s either the hottest news story in decades, someone is seriously off their meds again, or maybe they’re just fishing for money and using bullshit for bait! (My money is on Door #3!)

There’s big Benjamins to be earned on the “I Hate Hillary and/or Obama” Circuit. (Not to mention, book sales to the “It’s hard reading words with over four letters” crowd.)

Right now, you’re probably asking yourself, “Where do they find these imbeciles?

Meet Liz Crokin!

Lizzy is a minor leaguer trying to break into the “bigs” by outlandishing the competition. She’s been a volunteer or intern for “Great ‘Muricans,” like George “Duh” Bush (aka: “Bush League”) and Billo (“the Clown”) O’Reilly. She now writes for WorldNetDaily (aka: “WeirdNutsDrooling”).

Lizzy got a bit of attention back in May when she claimed that it wasn’t up to conspiracy theorists to prove anything. It was up to the anti-conspiracy theorists to prove them wrong!

If you want to debunk a story, a conspiracy theory, you have to prove evidence that X, Y, and Z isn’t true and no one does that! This isn’t the conspiracy theory defense. I’m sorry, it’s not going to fly anymore.

Sounds logical. (If your height in inches is a larger number than your IQ.)

Nowadays she’s into that whole “PizzaGate” thingy. You know, the one where the Big Bad Democrats had this hole….excuse me, whole child-sex thing going on in places that were masquerading as restaurants, pizza joints and bookstores. Oh yeah, and Hillary headed it!

Some people believed all this bullshit. (According to one poll, taken at the time, 9% of Americans really are that stupid!) Included in that exclusive group is ex-National Security Advisor, Mike Flynn (of Russian collusion fame).

In fact, one guy, whose nose hairs outnumbered his IQ, walked into Comet Ping Pong (Sex Slave Central?) with his loaded AR-15 type rifle to do a bit of “self-investigating.” While there, he “self-investigated” three bullets into a wall. (If he was aiming at people, he shoots like he thinks. If he was aiming at the wall, at least he managed to hit it.) He later stated that he “found no evidence that underage children were being harbored in the restaurant.”

As an award for his adventure, he got a 4 year vacation at the Iron Bar Inn. Plus, he had to pay for damages to Comet Ping Pong. That bill came to $5744.33 ($1914.78 per bullet hole).

But, back to our gal, Lizzy.

Though a “Lizzy-come-lately” to the PizzaGate fun and games, she brought out some heavy artillery! (Does that qualify as a mixed metaphor? Sometimes I like to mix and match them.)

In the early part of July, she exploded a bombshell! (…….Ok, so it was more like a fire cracker.) It seems (to Lizzy) that not only were these perverted, child-sex-lovers doing unmentionable things to poor sweet innocents, they were also a bunch of murderous thugs!

On “The Hagmann and Hagmann Report,” she claimed that they had put a hit on Rep. Steve Scalise.

Scalise, I truly believe, was specifically targeted in the Alexandria shooting, I believe it was a hit because of his work with sex trafficking!

If you start taking the microscope under these people that are speaking out the loudest against [Jeff] Sessions, Scalise and [President] Trump, you will find many, many ties to pedophilia.

Is it a coincidence that he was just starting to push for legislation to end human trafficking? I don’t think so. And we damn well know the Podesta emails, that those emails are filled with pedophile code words. Connect the dots.

Oh, and her proof? (I’m so glad you asked!) The Democrats sent pizzas to Scalise’s staff, just to rub it in!

And, as they say in old infomercials, “But wait! There’s more!

More specifically, more utter MORONity!

You may (I hope!) remember back a few paragraphs when I mentioned that this salacious, sex syndicate was populated by Hillary and her Democratic Elite Henchpersons. (That kinda sounds like a really bad lesbian grunge band.)

Well, (alternate) truth be told, it’s much bigger than that. In fact, you might even call it YUGE! (You might! I never would!)

Just last week, Lizzy went on Dave Hodges’ “The Common Sense Show,” to share her latest tinfoil hairnet slippage. That nasty, vile, and may I say,  very naughty, Democrat O&O (Owned and Operated) pedophile syndicate has GONE GLOBAL! (A true American success story!)

The leadership now consists of big wigs of various governments, corporate captains and kinky celebs.

Not only that, but “one-third of the government” is part of this. However, don’t get your “Sponge Bobs” all bunched up. There’s a reason for that: It comes with their membership in the satanic Illuminati cult that runs the operation. (I hear the numbers in the Child Protection Departments are exceptionally high.)

And, they not only play “Fun-between-the-Buns” with their little “lovers,” the also kill and eat them. (I think the ritual is called “The Sexy Praying Mantis,” but I could be wrong.) They also drink their blood.

The raping of children and the drinking of blood, this is a ritual they do, this is their religion, this is how they believe they obtain power. That is very hard for people to believe, but we did learn from the Podesta emails, that is exactly what is going on.

She neglected to comment on which were the most savory parts (I’m a “breast guy” myself. Or maybe a baby rib eye.) or even how to cook them. (Maybe they like ’em tartare.) However, that does explain the resturants and pizza joints.

That’s very hard for the public to process, so President Trump and his people understand that they can’t just come out one day and be like, ‘Oh hey, one third of the government is raping children and sacrificing them and drinking their blood and they’re satanists.’ You just can’t drop that bomb on people; people can’t process that information like that, they need it in doses, they need to be conditioned. So what we have going on behind the scenes is that … the Trump administration is slowly trying to condition the public and try to prepare them for what’s about to go down.

Whew! For a minute there, I was soooo worried. I didn’t know Duh Fuhrer was on the case!

He’ll get to the bottom of these sex-crazed killers and drinkers of baby blood. And, you know dang well he’ll bring his yuge twitter paddle with him when he gets there. It’s VERY bigly! It takes two hands to operate. (Well, two Trump hands, anyway.)

Stay tuned!

Grouchy

p.s.: If my ramblings don’t revolt you, check out my FaceBook page (“Grouchy’s Grumbles”) you might just enjoy it. Better yet, you might “like” it.  I’d love it if you did. It’s free (and worth every cent) and almost completely painless (other than the usual bad jokes).

Wingnut Declares War On Witches Attacking The Trumps

Cotton Mather Lives! (Or, at least his superstitious stupidity does.)

Over the last year or so, a number of troglodyte “Khristians” (As opposed to “Christian,” which they ain’t!) have seen witches coming out of the woodwork.

Last fall, a Family Research Council member, Robert Maginnis, visited Jim Bakker to spread the alarm.

I have personally met people that refer to themselves as witches, people that say they advise the senior leadership of the country. We invite within the federal government people to advise us and often some of those advisers, I think, have evil motivations, things that you and I would not approve of.

And then in February, everybody’s least favorite crazy uncle, Pat Robertson, piped in.

I read that a bunch of witches have gotten together to put a curse on Trump, and I think the Christians need to be praying for him to defend him.

Pat’s Co-Hostess, Wendy Griffith stated that “probably millions” of Christians are praying to cancel out the witches curses. She didn’t mention the “probably millions” of Americans that are praying that Trump will rot in Hell!

In June, warnings started surfacing about witches brewing something up for Summer Solstice.

Rumor had it that the majority of witches were students from Uadaguo [Wag-a-do], the African wizarding school and the event was hosted by its American counterpart, Ilvermorny. There are also unconfirmed sightings of several Hogwarts alumni, including Hermione Weasley. (Just kidding(?) about this part.)

With this cat-ass-trophy on the horizon, the president of Intercessors for America (IFA) issued an urgent call to prayer about this abhorent sacrilege. (And, he knows a thing or three about sacrilege.)

Whether or not this call for spells pans out and people act on it, we feel compelled, as the body of Christ and intercessors, to come against this evil with immediate and powerful prayer.

At one point, a pair of Roman Catholic female eunuchs even outed Katy Perry as a witch. Some unbelievers called this “

Some unbelievers called this “nunsense.” I mean, Katy may get a bit “out there” at times, but I’ve never seen her in proximity of a broom.

On the other hand, just look at all the adolescent males she’s cast a spell on.

Which brings us to the latest (But, not the greatest.) tinfoil slippage about the witchery situation.

Khristian bible beater and Rump licker extraordinaire, Lance Wallnau, has had enough of these witch curses. Lance claims that Rump is ok because sooo many people are praying for him. Besides, Lance has already prayed the impeachment away.

Oh, and Rump is already safe from a stroke as well. A few days ago, he watched fellow troglodyte, Rodney Howard Brown, pray it away.

The devil is trying to get him and his family. And I heard Rodney Howard-Browne say when he laid hands on the president, he was worried there was a stroke coming; well, we veto that stroke in Jesus’ name! That is nothing but stress and we’re breaking it off of him right now.

So, Rump is all prayed-safe, but think of poor Bevis & Butthead, Jarhead, and the rest of family.

Photo Credit: mccauleys-corner

 

 

 

 

 

People are praying for the president, but they’re not necessarily praying for his family. So right now, all those witchcraft curses that did not land on Donald Trump are trying to take out his kids, trying to take out his offspring, trying to attack anything near him.

He knows this for a fact, because he’s seen it before.

Lance remembered when a bud of his was “casting a demon out of somebody” while driving down the highway and the demon jumped right into a dog. The dog jumped out of the car and with the aid of an oncoming vehicle, morphed into a freeway flapjack!

He then went on to state,

We take authority over every hex, vex, spell, jinx, satanic curse, blood curse, every demon assigned to destroy the health of the president, to destroy the health of his family, to harass him, to vex him, to cause him to lose sleep.

In Jesus name, we veto every curse that has been brought against Donald Trump and his family and his administration.

Stay tuned!

Grouchy

h/t: Right Wing Watch
p.s.: If my ramblings don’t revolt you, check out my FaceBook page (“Grouchy’s Grumbles”) you might just enjoy it. Better yet, you might “like” it.  I’d love it if you did. It’s free (and worth every cent) and almost completely painless (other than the usual bad jokes).

Wingnut: Junior’s Russian Meeting A Dark State Plot To Impeach Trump

End times “Khristian” (‘Cause, he sure as hell ain’t “Christian!”) troglodyte, Rick Wiles, has this whole dang thing about Junior Trump’s “Russian Adoption” meeting all figured out.

Don’t believe your lyin’ eyes when you read the emails. Don’t believe your lyin’ ears when you hear Junior’s various changing stories about the shits-ka-bob!

Believe the man who said Big Daddy would throw a fireball at us because “marriage equality.” Believe the man who said Target Restroom Policy Will Spark Nuclear War. Believe the man who said Obama Killed Scalia As A Pagan Human Sacrifice (And, he had the numerology to prove it.)

Believe that man!

Now that I’ve established the Rickster’s bona fides, on to his latest oral bowel movement in his very own words. (Or, maybe his script writer’s.)

 

I smell a skunk in the garden. It was a set-up. The dark state feared Donald Trump would defeat the queen of sleaze, Hillary Clinton; they saw the massive, enthusiastic crowds standing in line for hours to see their hero, Donald Trump. They also saw the empty seats at Hillary Clinton rallies. The deep state feared they couldn’t steal enough votes on election day to rig the election in Hillary’s favor and what did they do? They immediately began working on Plan B: Sabotage the Trump presidency if he won in November.

The deep state concocted this fake narrative over a year ago and started planting fake evidence to be used later to bolster the claim. The meeting between the Russian lawyer and Donald Trump Jr. was part of the scheme to plant evidence—fake evidence—in 2016 that could be used in 2017 to impeach Donald Trump as a Russian stooge!

You have got to give the dark state credit for being creative. They are masterful liars.

WOW! Just WOW! Think about that!

The “Deep State,” (Definitions of which, change, depending on the circumstances.) got several people with connections to Putin or Russian intelligence agencies (Some rather strong.) to cooperate with our intelligence agencies (The definition of “Deep State,” in this circumstance.)

Soooo, what’s Putin’s part in this? Something along this scale of scam, perpetrated by people at that level? And he didn’t know about it, let alone approve it? Believe that, and I’ve got this bridge in NYC, you might be interested in purchasing.

And the “Deep State” could tell he was going to win because of his YUGE crowds? (Bernie had bigger and he lost.) And, they couldn’t rig enough Hillary votes? Trump, hisownself, claims they did, and he wouldn’t lie would he?

(There will be a slight pause while you finish laughing your ass off.)

But surely, the Rickster had proof of all of this! I mean, he wouldn’t just pull it out of his tinfoil toupee, would he?

COULD BE!

Grouchy
p.s.: If my ramblings don’t revolt you, check out my FaceBook page (“Grouchy’s Grumbles”) you might just enjoy it. Better yet, you might “like” it.  I’d love it if you did. It’s free (and worth every cent) and almost completely painless (other than the usual bad jokes).