Jim Bakker: I Can’t Preach Because God Haters ‘Want To Kill Me’

Hadn’t heard much from Jim Bakker lately, so being the glutton for punishment that I am, I decided to check in and see what he was down to.

Not a heck of a lot has changed, he’s still mainly pushing “End-times” bull to motivate sales of his survival food and gear. (Create an imagined “need” and then offer to sell something to take care of that need, aka “Marketing 101”)

But Wednesday [12/20/17] he was also pitching the idea that God (His, anyway.) and Christians are hated.

Here! In the good ol’ U.S. of ‘Murica! Yup!

It has gotten so bad, that poor Jimbo can’t preachify because, if he does, he’s dead! (At least, that’s what he claims, and a bible-thumper wouldn’t lie to you, would he?)

The warfare is against the God of heaven. The God of Abraham, Issac, and Jacob.The God whose son is Jesus Christ. I’m serious. You have no idea. I can’t even talk about it because they will kill me. And I don’t care what you say, I know what I’m talking about. They’ve already threatened my life because they disagree with the Bible.

Now, don’t make no never mind about the fact that 75% of Americans claim to be Christian. I say “claim” because a part of them split into preaching (and practicing) hate, whereas real Christians preach (but don’t always practice) love.

The hate-lovers, I call “Khristians.” They seem to be concentrated amongst the evangelical sects, although not all evangelicals are Khristians.

I would qualify Jimbo in the Khristian Category, Conman Division. (He’s already spent one “vacation” at the Stoney Lonesome Resort and Rock Crushing Camp.)

Back to the narrative!

According to Jimbo, the “Big Daddy Bashers,” (Who, I guess, are Hindus, Muslims, Buddhists, Atheists, Zoroastrians and such.)

Have beat back all opposition, they have changed America but have so far been unable to destroy the word of God.

But, take heart! God (and Putin’s people) worked their asses off and got Trump’s ass into the Oval Office.

However, now those Left-leaning lefties are counter-attacking!

They are trying to bring in millions of illegals … to build a new voting group!

Therefore it is our sworn Khristian duty to stand behind Trump (Lots of room back there.) and fight off this scourge.

They want to kill, they want to march, they want to burn, they want to break windows, they want to burn up cars.

I think the biggest miracle is President Trump has lived almost a year as president of the United States.

Stay tuned!

p.s.: If my ramblings don’t revolt you, check out my FaceBook page (“Grouchy’s Grumbles”) you might just enjoy it. Better yet, you might “like” it.  I’d love it if you did. It’s free (and worth every cent) and almost completely painless (other than the usual bad jokes).

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