On ‘Planet InfoWars,’ People Have Sex With Cars

More so than a lot of professions, to stay on top as a troglodyte pundit, you have to keep topping (bottoming?) yourself or you’re lost back in the crowd. (Glenn Beck, anyone?) Your donations dip. Your speaking fees on the rubber-chicken circuit shrink. Your books get dumped in the remainder bin quicker and quicker.

Well, Alex Jones isn’t letting that happen to him. Every time you think he’s reached the limit of what his gullible followers will buy into, he pushes the boundaries even further. And, I have to admit, his latest is a doozy!

Yesterday [12/8/17] he claimed that teachers and LGBT activists are indoctrinating kids to think it’s bigoted if they don’t like people having sex with cars. Yeah! You read that right! If the thought of someone pumping their Pontiac offends you, you’re nothing but a homophobic bigot!

According to Alex, that’s what they’re teaching kids, so don’t be surprised if little Joey starts fondling the family Ford.

But, don’t take my word for it, take Alex’s!

They’re now saying sex with machines or sex with cars or sex with appliances—there’s a whole big movement where people are marrying their cars, marrying their toasters, marrying their dogs, their cats, their horses. I’m not kidding.

They’re catching people in public places—you see it all the time—trying to have sex with a Ferrari or trying to have sex with a ’57 Chevy. And they actually—I’m not going to get into the details of what they do, but they lube up the tailpipe and everything and then the police come up and there’s a guy hunching your car.

If you don’t let somebody have sex with your car, you’re a homophobe, you’re a bigot, you’re a horrible person. By the way, this is not satire. I’m not kidding here. This is what they’re teaching kids now.

(Fortunately, my grandson goes to school in Oregon and not on Planet InfoWars, so I’m not too worried.)

Stay tuned! I’m sure there will be a lot more insanity to come!


Featured Image Credit: Sean P. Anderson

p.s.: If my ramblings don’t revolt you, check out my FaceBook page (“Grouchy’s Grumbles”) you might just enjoy it. Better yet, you might “like” it.  I’d love it if you did. It’s free (and worth every cent) and almost completely painless (other than the usual bad jokes).

Leave a Reply