Wing-nut: Carry Guns And Extra Ammo To Church

SIG_Pro_by_Augustas_DidzgalvisAccording to the Oath Keepers, (or, as I refer to them: “Oaf Creepers”) ISIS could be planning to attack your church.

Beware! Or, better yet, be armed! BE VERY HEAVILY ARMED!

But first, a bit of history before the hysteria, to place this nonsense in context.

The Oaf Creepers were founded by Elmer Stewart Rhodes. He likes to go by “Stewart,” but I think “Elmer” is a much better fit. (He’s a “Fudd” if I’ve ever heard of one.)

The Creepers are, as one pundit put it, “A conservative group whose members make Ted Nugent look like a bleeding-heart Rachel Maddow.” They claim to be defenders of the Constitution. (Or at least, their rather warped interpretation of it.)

These ‘Murican “patriots” are primarily composed of current and ex military and law enforcement types. Like all quasi-military groups, they pride themselves on following orders. Except, of course, their infamous “Declaration of Orders We Will NOT Obey.”

Orders like:

  • confiscate guns,
  • detain Americans as “unlawful enemy combatants” or to subject them to trial by military tribunal,
  • invade Texas or any other state if they secede from the country or,
  • enter a state in force without the express consent and invitation of that state’s legislature and governor.

It’s highly unlikely that any government entity would ever give them such orders. If the country ever devolves into a police state, the government has more than enough muscle to do this with their own people. They won’t need a bunch of mentally challenged ammosexuals to help out.

The Creepers might want to check with Herr Trump about that “detaining Americans as ‘unlawful enemy combatants’ or to subject them to trial by military tribunal” bit. He seems to be in favor of that.

Also, I don’t seem to recall the legislatures and governors of Nevada (Bundy Ranch Standoff) or Missouri (Ferguson) sending them an invitation.

In Nevada, they were too much even for the Bundy Bozos. The Security Chief kicked them out! In Ferguson, the St. Louis County police threatened them with arrest for acting as a security force without a license. They promptly left, tail tucked firmly between their legs. (Well, they needed something down there to fill the void.)

That should give you a general idea about these mental midgets. If you want to explore more (you masochist, you) check out their website, but keep the Emetrol handy.

Now, on to their latest idiocy.

Since a couple of ISIS idiots attacked a church and killed a priest in France, ol’ Elmer knows why it happened and who’s next.

As to why: because the “modern, emasculated, French metro-sexuals” at the church in Normandy that suffered the attack weren’t “real men.” (i.e. armed to the teeth)

As to who’s next? Us, of course! After all, isn’t everything about us?

According to the post on the Oaf Creepers’ website, ISIS has a “kill list” of nearly 15,000 Americans and they’re coming to a church near you.

But what about here in America? Are there real men in your church? Are they armed and ‘switched on’ during service, to safeguard the church and those who worship inside?… A church will be hit. And it might be yours. Get ready.

For those of you who are shaking in your boots, shoes, sandals, socks or whatever, not to worry. Elmer knows just how to handle the situation.

  1. Go armed to church… I recommend a reliable semi-automatic, high capacity handgun of at least 9mm caliber for that task, such as a Glock or Smith and Wesson M&P, with at least one spare magazine.
  2. Carry a backup gun, and/or a no-nonsense fixed blade knife as a backup, carried within easy reach of both your hands (carry it up front near your belt buckle).
  3. Have a couple shotguns (at least) discretely hidden within the church.
  4. Wear body armor under your suit.
  5. Have radios for communication
  6. Have an exterior armed security team.  It would be foolish to rely only on armed men inside the church.  You need men on the outside too.
  7. Have a layered security. Don’t rely on just one team, either outside or inside.  You need both.  And ideally, on the outside, in addition to the overt team manning the exterior entrances, you would also have someone in a discrete location, who is not easily seen by bad guys.
  8. All competent adults in the congregation should be armed.
  9. Train people in emergency medical and have trauma kits on hand.

There you have it, folks. The simple nine-step solution to your jihad problems. Simply turn your church, parish, temple or synagogue into an armed camp and all your worries will evaporate like mist on a summer morning.

Unless, of course, you’re attacked by suicide bombers. Then, you’re S.O.L.

p.s. Note to Elmer and the Oafs: “Real Men” don’t need to pack penis substitutes.

Featured image credit: Augustas Didžgalvis

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