It seems for some ammosexuals, one ass hole just isn’t enough. There have been a number of “lead-in-the-ass” incidents where their thinker meets their stinker.
Let’s start with Texas, proud possessor of over 22 million guns. In July of 2012, a Walmart shopper (of course) mistook his gun for his wallet when he reached into his pocket to pay the cashier. The gun went off, creating a crease in his gluteus maximus, ricocheting off the floor and wounding a woman and two children. Being a true Texas “responsible gun owner” he immediately fled the scene, but was chased down by police. (He had a bit of a hitch in his get-along.)
The following month in Nevada, another responsible gun owner dropped his shootin’ iron out of his pocket as he was shifting in his seat while watching a movie at a local theater. It went off when it hit the floor, wounding him in his dookie-maker. He too, left the scene before police arrived. But he did, at least, apologize to the people around him before he left.
In December of 2013, it was deja vu all over again (With apologies to Yogi Berra.) in Brighton Michigan. This time a shopper at Home Depot was reaching for his wallet and grabbed his gun instead. (The two are so easily confused.) The hog leg went off, making its owner the not-so-proud possessor of a hole in one of his half-moons. This time, fortunately, there was no collateral damage.
In April, 2014, a responsible gun owner in Hollywood Florida evidently forgot to unload his gun before cleaning it. Not only that, but he seemed to be suffering a bad case of slippery fingers. End result: gun drops to floor, gun retaliates by sending a slug up the old wazoo. Gun and gun-butt both survive.
In November, it’s deja vu time again, this time at a Norfolk, VA gun shop. Same situation (gun in back pocket goes off) same result (a pair of ass holes).
And then there was the time that “man’s best friend” lent a hand.
In December, 2011, two Utah men went out bird hunting on the Great Salt Lake. One of the pair exited the boat to adjust some decoys, leaving his 12-guage in the boat. His dog started jumping around in the boat and stepped on the shotgun’s trigger, aerating his owner’s derriere with 27 bird shot pellets.
And finally, these aren’t about self-shot poopers, although one does result in an additional nether orifice. Besides, the targets are just on the opposite side of the old vertical smile and these are way too good to leave out.
March, 2010: A Vallejo, California teenager managed to shoot himself in his danglers. (Code names -Thomas & Harold) No word on how he managed to miss Richard.
May, 2010: A man was shopping in a Lynwood, Washington Lowe’s when the gun in his waistband erupted, doing damage to his personal sperm factories and once again missing Richard in the middle.
August, 2011: Richard ran out of luck, when his owner was tucking his girl friend’s little pink pistol into his waistband.
July, 2012: An Oklahoma City man, checking to find out if a gun worked, discovered that it did when he shot himself in the groin. (No word on how many of the trio were hit.)
September, 2012: A Port St. Lucie, Florida teenager took out Thomas and Richard with a single shot.
June, 2014: Richard was again the casualty, when a man in Macon, Georgia was holstering his phallic substitute and it went off. This time the bullet went through his body, gifting him with an extra air hole in his backside.
Final note: While I’ve tried to inject a little humor (probably, very little) into the post, irresponsible gun ownership is NOT FUNNY!
While there is an argument about whether owning a gun is a right or not, with rights, comes responsibility. And, with something as lethal as a gun, the responsibility is far greater. This is something that seems to have eluded a fair amount of people, resulting in situations such as the above and situations that are far, far worse.