Litigious Larry’s Latest Loony Lawsuit!

AP_larry_klayman_jtm_131219_16x9_992 copyLast time we ran across (Instead of over, darn it!) “Litigious Larry” Klayman, he was instigating a law suit claiming that not only isn’t Barack Obama an American, he’s not even Barack Obama. According to Klayman, his name is Barry Soetoro.

Give the man his due, he tries his damnedest to promote the Larry Klayman “brand”. In oh-oh-three, he ran for Senator in Florida. Got a whoppin’ 1.1% of the vote in the primary. He’s too weird even for Florida Republicans.

Last year, he called on “millions of Americans” to come on down to Washington to “Reclaim America” (from those stupid voters that elected that damn Kenyan twice.)

He set the date for November 19, 2013, the 510th anniversary of Columbus’ discovery of Puerto Rico. Or maybe it was to honor the 15th anniversary of the opening of Motley Crue’s store in L.A. Who knows? (Who Cares?) Anyway, he corralled  a coalition of 40 groups of “real ‘Muricans” to handle the “millions” as well as a who’s who of “C” & “D” list nut-jobs to rouse the rabble.1426225_615344441861739_986766715_n copyAfter listening to hours of inspiring speeches, the “millions” would then march to the White House and send Obama, I mean Soetoro, scurrying out the back door.

The day arrived. As for the “millions”?……….About 100 people showed up.

I guess the rest got stuck in traffic. Or, it may have been rainy. (With 15 fartholes blowing, it certainly was windy.)

Now, to be fair to Larry, (Damn! I hate it when I have to do that!) he has had a victory or two. He won his case against the N.S.A. last December. In that particular instance, I have to admit, I agree with him. (Damn! I REALLY hate it when I have to do that.)

Back to the lunatic lawsuits.

A month before Litigious Larry filed suit to prove that Obama is Barry Soretoes, excuse me, Soetoro, he filed a civil lawsuit (Case no. 14-1484) under the Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act (RICO)  for criminal acts by the president, two Secretaries of state (Clinton & Kerry) and the U.N. Secretary General. It seems (according to Larry) they’ve been laundering U.S. dollars to the terrorist organization HAMAS. (Oh, and he wants $1,500,000,000 damages.)

“This money has been foreseeably used to buy rockets and construct tunnels to attack Israel and terrorize and kill American and dual American-Israeli citizens who reside or are located in Israel.”

He then went on the Alex Jones Show to brag about the suit. Take a listen, if you’ve got the stomach for it.

Leaping last months lawsuit, we land in the present.

His latest lawsuit charges Obama (Soetoro) of “knowingly and willfully providing material support and aid to international terrorism and facilitating terrorism by allowing unrestricted entry of persons from countries experiencing outbreaks of the Ebola virus and adamantly opposing efforts, including calls from the U.S. Congress, to restrict travel from outbreak countries.”

In other words, Soetoro won’t close the border to incoming African traffic. Health experts (which Larry isn’t) have strongly advised against that. According to the World Health Organization (WHO): “Flight cancellations and other travel restrictions continue to isolate affected countries, resulting in detrimental economic consequences, and hinder relief and response efforts risking further international spread…..the Committee strongly reiterated that there should be no general ban on international travel or trade.”

Larry, on the other hand, thinks we should keep them Black African Muslims in Africa, where they belong. “Obama has favored his African brothers over the rest of us by allowing them free entry into this country”

Now, once again, to be fair to Larry, (Two times in the same post? OUCH!) he doesn’t want Barry Soetoro taken out and strung up like some of his wing-nut buds do.

“I want Obama to be taken alive to be deported and pay for his inadequacies under the rule of law.”
Larry’s big challenge (other than keeping that wing-nut moolah rolling in) seems to be trying to top his last insanity. In the last three months he’s sued Obama for funding HAMMAS, not being Obama and facilitating the spread of ebola in the good ol’ U.S. of A.

What’s coming up next???? Stay tuned fantasy fans, it can only get weirder.

 

 

 

Huckabee, the Holy Huckster, Hits the Hustings

Republican National ConventionI notice that Mike Huckabee (I call him “the Holy Huckster”.) is inserting himself into the news lately. That’s to be expected, I guess. It’s the late early/early middle phase of “Campaign 2016″ and he’s this cycle’s “St. Orum“. (Rick Santorum, for those of you new to my scribblings .) That’s only fair, since St. Orum was last cycle’s “Holy Huckster”.

I better throw in a bit of background for those of you who weren’t paying a lot of attention to the Republican clown show back in ’08.

Mike had been a one-term governor of Arkansas and probably figured if Bill Clinton could make the leap from AR to DC, so could he.

All in all, he won primaries and caucuses in 8 states, all southern except Kansas & Iowa. He came in 2nd in 15 states and 3rd in 14. However, when it became clear that Texas was not going his way (and he couldn’t win without it) he dropped out. After that, he did what failed wingnut candidates do, he went to work for Bullshit Mtn. (aka Faux Noise).

He sat out the last election cycle, but as I said, St. Orum was there to fill the hole. Anyway, the Huckster was making a bunch of bucks at BS Mtn plus he had a Cumulus Media program billed as a kinder, gentler Rush (Has anyone seen my pills?) Limbaugh.

This time around, it seems like that old presidential itchy, twitchy feeling is back. (I think they’ve invented a powder to ease that. If not, they should!)

The good news (for the Huckster) is that he’s the most liked of the potential Repugnut aspirants. (Another advantage of sitting out the last cycle.) The bad news (for the Huckster) is Hillary beats his butt seven ways from Sunday.

RealClearPolitics, a polling organization that tilts a bit to the starboard (That’s ‘right’, for all you land lubbers.) currently calls it 50.3 – 40.7, advantage Team Clinton. The Huckster does manage to triumph over the Clinton machine in Kansas (47-41) and Louisiana (50-43) Surprise! Surprise! What’s also surprising is that Hillary beats him in such states as North Carolina (48-45) and Georgia (48-45).

Now, it’s early. We’re still around 15 months before Iowa, and a lot of people don’t know who the hell he is, have forgotten who the hell he is or don’t give a damn who the hell he is. Never fear, I’m here to help the first two groups. (The 3rd group is helpless.)

For your convenience and amusement, I’ve created a list of SOME of his brain farts over the last few years:

  • January, 2008: In a primary campaign stop, he said: “I have opponents in this race who do not want to change the Constitution. But I believe it’s a lot easier to change the Constitution than it would be to change the word of the living God. And that’s what we need to do – to amend the Constitution so it’s in God’s standards rather than try to change God’s standards so it lines up with some contemporary view.” (Can you say “the-oc-ra-cy”? You know, like in Iran and ISIS.)
  • February 2011: The Huckster joined the mental midgets of “Fox and Friends” to chastise Christian churches for allowing Muslims to use their facilities.
  • December 2012: Shortly after Sandy Hook, he figured out the real reason for school killing sprees. “We ask why there is violence in our schools, but we have systematically removed God from our schools.” He conveniently forgets that the even more secular schools in Europe have far fewer shootings. (59 American shootings to 10 European, Feb, 1996 – June, 2014)
  • January 2014: Speaking at a Republican National Committee meeting, referring to a federal contraceptive mandate the Huckster said that Democrats want women to think “they cannot control their libido or their reproductive system without the help of the government.” In 2005, when he was governor, he signed a law mandating Arkansas Insurance plans provide coverage for contraception that included church-affiliated organizations.
  • September 2014: He offered up another slate of hate when he said that voters should ferret out any atheists in office and kick them out. Need I mention that this would be illegal as hell! (Which, if there was one, would be his afterlife destination.)
  • October 2014: His latest (so far) mouth droppings came during his Bullshit Mtn. show after the Supreme Court figured out which way the tide was going and decided not to hear appeals over upturned anti gay marriage legislation. Surprisingly, he took his wrath out on his own party. “I’m utterly disgusted with fellow Republicans who want to walk away from the issue of judicial supremacy just because it’s not politically viable. Here’s my advice: grow a spine. Show a modicum of knowledge about the way we govern ourselves, and lead, follow, or get the heck out of the way.”

Right now, the Holy Huckster is soooo pissed off, that he may not run for the Republican nomination and save the country. In fact, if the GOP doesn’t grow a pair, he may leave the party and take his troglodytes with him.

“I’m gone! I’ll become an independent. I’ll start finding people that have guts to stand. I’m tired of this.”

One can only hope!

Glenn Beck and Alex Jones are a Fussin’, a Feudin’ and a Fightin’

Them's Fightin' Words Forget about them thar Hatfields and McCoys, we got us’ns a real feud! Yessir! Right here in Conspiracy Territory, we got us a couple a good ol’ boys that don’t cotton to each other a’tall.

We got Alex Jones and Glenn Beck aimin’ their squirrel guns at each other and the results ain’t purty! Tain’t sure if it’s jist because the territory ain’t big enough for the pair of ‘em, or one’s gone soft in his old age.

Now, thar’s some that claim that the pair of ‘em are a bit soft in the haid, but I an’t no psicir…psich….p-sicker….whatever ya call them brain docs, so I ain’t a gonna comment on that. Although, it does appear like there’s Loosiana tree stumps with higher I.Q.s. than some of the ol’ boys and gals that mozy along with them.

Anyways, I’m jist gonna tell the story as I heared it.

Seems thars been a bit of bad blood a’brewin’ for a coon’s age, but it all came to a boil back in March.

Ya’ll remember when Clive Bundy took a stand fer free grazin’ on guberment land? Well, a hole bunch of ‘Merican patriots came down to take a stand for freeloadin‘ er free grazin’ right aside of Clive. And, they brung along their shootin’ irons for protection against any black helichoppers, revinoors, or associated guberment agents in the area.384816708_620_1000Well, when ol’ Alex heared about the goin’ ons, he was happier than a tornado in a trailer park.

This jist might be the 2nd ‘Merican Revolution he’s been preachifyin’ about all these years. Alex sent some of his pals down to take a look-see at what these “peace lovin'” 2nd Amendment advocates were a doin’.  Turns out Alex and his pals plum liked what they seen and heared.

Ol’ Glenn, on the other hand, had reservations. Not the injun kind, the other brand.

“That shows you how unhinged from reality this guy is. You’ve got to distance yourself…….Bundy is saying this conflict isn’t inherently about grazing fees or water rights, but that he ultimately does not recognize the lands to be federal and the United States government or the BLM do not have jurisdiction on the land……it’s important to point out that this land does not belong to them and that’s not a minor distinction, it’s the essence of private property.”

We did some research online with PsyID today, and found that there’s about 10 or 15 percent of the people who are talking about this online that are truly frightening. They don’t care what the facts are. They just want a fight.”

When Alex found out what Glenn said, he got madder than a mule chawin’ on bumblebees.

“Glenn Beck, who fancies himself a libertarian, is working with corporate media insiders and a former CIA employee who flaunts his membership in the globalist Council on Foreign Relations……Beck’s campaign mirrors that of the Obama administration, Eric Holder’s Justice Department and the liberal media intelligentsia.

The correlation between the Obama administration, the Justice Department and Beck became obvious as the standoff progressed, most notably when Beck began to repeat government talking points to attack Bundy and his supporters……It all just clicked. He probably actually meets with Obama.”

Both these fellers have calmed down fer a spell, but this ain’t over. Sooner or later one or the other’s gonna get his knickers in a knot over something the other one did or said and we’re right back in Pig Waller Holler.

So grab a jug of “shine”, throw a cushion on the rocker and enjoy the show. ‘Cause, ‘tween you an’ me an’ that fence post over yonder, both these ol’ boys are slicker than pig snot on a glass door knob and about as windy as a sack full of farts.

 

 

Obama is the Antichrist Because the Bible Says So!

Obama is the AntChristLadies and gentlemen, I’d like to introduce you to Jonathan Matthew Wright. I’d like to, but I can’t find out much about him, other than he claims to be a bible researcher and he’s a huge fanboy of Michael Drosnin’s “The Bible Code” series. I’m not sure if this guy is an escaped “Woo Woo Bird” from Kooky C’ntry or whether this is just the beginning of the hype for the movie “The Omega Code II: The AntChrist Cometh“.

Mr Wright claims to have discovered secret prophesies about Obama by utilizing the Bible Code. (The real(?) one, not the book.) It seems that Obama is the Antichrist, or at least, a good bud. The last few days, Mr Wright’s been doing the wing-nut radio and podcast circuit. (He knows his audience.) Here’s some “witty bits” taken from his chat with Rick Wiles on Trunews:

Wiles: “Either Barack Obama is the Man of Sin or he is strongly connected to the Man of Sin or the spirit of Antichrist.”
Wright: “That’s right. Those are my only — I’ve tried to look at this as an investigation not with an agenda, by the way, but what I’ve come up with those have to be the possibilities. Let’s just face it, he’s got a ring on that says, ‘There’s no God but Allah and Mohammad is his Messenger.’ Now, by definition, that’s Antichrist.”

Yeah, about that “antichrist” ring thingy. Seems it may not be that at all. Check out what Snopes.com had to say about that (including a high-def pic of the ring) and decide for yourself.

But wait! There’s even more conclusive evidence in the code as well as many photos of Obama as “The Lord of the Flies” (aka Beelzebub),

Wright: “And there’s always the photos that you see everywhere with the flies landing on his face.

Beelzebub

So there you have it folks. Proof positive from the bible itself and backed up by photographic evidence.

BE AFRAID! BE VERY AFRAID! Because there are actually idiots that believe this bull shit. And lots of them are armed!

Is Barack Hussein Obama an Alias? ‘Birther’ Larry Klayman Says It Is!

Larry KlaymanThe “Birther” boobs are back! At least one of them anyway.

Meet Larry Klayman, Reagan Justice Dept. alumni, Judicial Watch & Freedom Watch founder, one-man tea party. He’s the type of lawyer that’s so amoral, he’d sue his own mother if he thought he’d get any money out of it. In fact, he did!

As head honcho at Judicial Watch, Larry sued everybody from the Clinton Administration (18 times), the Senate, the Department of Justice, the Secret Service and the town of Herndon, Virgina. (He didn’t like the city’s “day laborer” program.)

Larry left JW in 2003 to run for Senate in Florida. (He lost in the primary, receiving 1.1% of the total votes and coming in 7th out of the 8 candidates .)

Being a person of habit, he turned around and sued Judicial Watch. He’s also sued Facebook (for one billion dollars) for not removing an anti-Israel Page fast enough. He’s represented a homophobic preacher in a suit against Rachel Maddow. (fifty million dollars) He sued the state of Florida on March 20, 2012 to keep Obama off the November ballot. And he’s sued his own mother. (At least he wasn’t tooo greedy, it was only for $50,000.) They don’t call him “Litigious Larry” for nothing!

As for other things on his plate, Larry wants to nuke Iran. He also wants to invade Mexico.  He claims that Hillary Clinton, Al Gore and various henchmen traded away U.S. national security secrets and other “favors” to the Chinese for large campaign contributions to the Clinton-Gore 1996 re-election effort”. Being an equal opportunity hater, he also thinks Republicans are “Worthless cowards!” And, he hates the Supreme Court (except when it rarely agrees with him). The list goes on and on.

Have I mentioned that Larry is a “birther”? (Although, even Orley Taitz seems to question whether he’s just in it for the money).

Not only that, but he really doesn’t like our current head of state. He claims “Obama is a traitor!” and wants him tried for treason.

And so “Litigious Larry” is back at it. He’s filing suit to have Barry Soetoro deported. (According to Larry, that’s Obama’s real name.) Deportation Suit

“In sum, deportation proceedings should be immediately commenced, an investigation undertaken, a full evidentiary hearing held, and Barack Hussein Obama should be removed from the United States,”

But, what about the birth certificate in Hawaii, you ask?

“Barack Hussein Obama has relied upon a birth certificate from the State of Hawaii which is clearly a forgery – that is, not a valid birth certificate – and indeed also a rather sloppy forgery with easily detected, unmistakable errors and defects.”

So there, all you experts who have verified the certificate’s authenticity! I’ll just betcha that Larry has Barry Soetoro’s birth certificate right in his back pocket. Open and shut case if I’ve ever dreamed of one.

If nothing else, this is a bit of comic relief. Between Larry and Orley Taitz, the judicial batting average in birther suits is .000. However, I, for one, would love to know how Barry Soetoro morphed into Barack Obama.

Stay tuned fantasy fans, this may be fun. (Plus, it’ll make Larry a few bucks in donations and speaker’s fees.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

God’s Gunslingers, the Unholy Hitmen

Rock solid Church Float(Hudson, N.Y. Rock Solid Church parade float)

Once upon a time, Christianity was all about peace, love and brotherhood. Then it became the state religion of Rome and pulled a 180. It morphed into an instrument of state power. Then, as the state disintegrated, it became a power unto itself.

It didn’t have an army, but who needed an army when there was a batch of big, bad-ass tribal warlords “kings” out there that once converted, could carry the word on the tip of a sword? (That’s one way to make a point!) Æthelberht and Clovis come to mind, as does the bad-assiest of all: Karl der Große (Charlemagne). Upon capturing a pagan village, Charlemagne (and the rest) would give survivors a choice. Convert or be cut to pieces. (Need I mention, the conversion rate was astronomical?)

Then there were the crusades. These “knights of God” ended up raiding, raping and killing about as many Jews and fellow Christians as they did Muslims. And, of course, there was all that booty (of both varieties) to be had.Albigensian_Crusade_01 copyBut that was back then. Those Christian knights were about a level or so above basic barbarian. This is now. Christians are much more civilized. That would never happen in this modern age. Right?

Well…….Carrying on, (and Americanizing) this hallowed tradition are the modern(?) mindless minions of ministerial militancy, mostly centered around the “Christian Identity” and “Christian Reconstructionist” movements.

Neither of these constitutes a sect. Their adherents are spread among a number of evangelical churches. They are mostly people of lower economic status, usually poorly educated, by chance or by choice; working in a low or no skills job, or not working. These are life’s losers, and deep down they know it. They’re pissed off, and they need someone or something to blame their problems on. (I might suggest they employ a mirror in their quest.)

For a section of the “Religious Wrong“, secular society is the cause of all their ills. If we could just get back to living “God’s laws” (as they see ‘em), it would be like heaven on earth.

Of the two movements I mentioned, the Reconstructionist movement is a bit less lethal (at least initially). They plan to out-breed the rest of humanity. (Think “Quiverfull Movement of the Duggars‘ “X # of Rug Rats & Counting” fame.)

Once their numbers are sufficient, they will take over institutions and mold them in line with “God’s wishes”. They will then convert the rest of the world’s population with the clarity of their convictions. As for those who are not convinced? Well, they’re going to Hell anyway. Might as well do the “Christian thing” and help them start on their journey.

Now, before you judge them too harshly, bear in mind that they have a perfectly noble reason for all this. It seems, according to them, that J.C. won’t make a physical comeback until the majority of the world is Christian, one way or another. (Where’s Charlemagne, when you really need him?)

Then we come to the currently more lethal of the two, the Christian Identity movement. The term itself, may not be familiar to you, but you’ve heard of some of their sub groups like the KKK, The Covenant, The Sword, and the Arm of the Lord or Aryan Nations.A.N. Flag There are active groups in 20 states, mostly concentrated in the slave states and the bible belt. (Surprise! Surprise!)

The Reconstructionists are anti-Judaism, but they’re anti-every religion and sect except for Christian evangelicals. The Identity movement are far more rabid anti-Semites (Jewish & none). Of course, they’re also anti-black, anti-Hispanic, anti-abortion, anti-gay, anti-government, etc, etc. And, they are far meaner about it.

Actions linked to the Identity movement include:

  • (7/29/1994) Murder of Dr. John Britton by Army of God member Paul Jennings Hill. Dr. Britton performed abortions, and to the Identity movement, that’s a fatal no-no.
  • (12/30/1994) John Salvi went abortion doctor hunting in Brookline Massachusetts Planned Parenthood office. Couldn’t bag a doc, so he shot a receptionist instead.
  • (4/19/1995) Christian Identity member Timothy McVeigh, with the aid of like-minded idiots, bombed the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City. The blast killed 168 people, injured 680 and damaged or destroyed 324 buildings. Prior to 9/11 this was the deadliest terrorist attack on American soil.
  • (7/27/1996) Another Army of God aficionado, Eric Rudolph, added to the 1996 Summer Olympics excitement by setting off a bomb in Centennial Olympic Park. 112 people were injured in the blast. One fatally!)
  • (7/27/2008) Identity sympathizer, Jim David Adkisson, entered the Knoxville Unitarian Universalist Church and interrupted a children’s play with a hail of gunfire, killing two and injuring 7 others.
  • (5/31/2009) Here we go again. Another Christian Identity buffoon, Scott Roeder, goes abortion doctor hunting. He finds and kills Dr. George Tiller in the doctor’s church during Sunday Services.

After Dr. Tiller’s murder, the always classy Ann Coulter told Bill (Tiller the Baby Killer) O’Reilly,

“I don’t really like to think of it as a murder. It was terminating Tiller in the 203rd trimester.”

 

The FBI, DHS, CIA & NSA Can’t Snoop Into Your iPhone 6 (Boo Hoo!)

iphone-6-620x465

“Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety.”

Benjamin Franklin: Pennsylvania Assembly: Reply to the Governor (11/11/1755)

iOS 8, the operating system on the new iPhone 6, has a flaw. At least the FBI, CIA, NSA, et al. think so.

There’s new encryption embedded in the iOS that’s so deep, Apple won’t be able to comply with government orders to give them the information that’s in the phone. The only person able to decrypt the information is the passcode holder. (The guy/gal that owns the phone.)

This has sent the federal James Bond wannabes into a tizzy!

“What concerns me about this is companies marketing something expressly to allow people to hold themselves beyond the law.”

FBI Director James. B. Comey (9/25/2014)

Another spy type commented:

“It’s like taking out an ad that says, ‘Here’s how to avoid surveillance”.

Of course, him saying that to the press is the equivalent of taking out an ad that says ‘Here’s how to avoid surveillance“. (And, these people are supposed to be intelligent? Sheesh!)

According to the intelligence agencies, (who, along with their other abilities, specialize in misinformation dissemination) the ability to read phones is a vital tool in combating terrorism. Just last year, the NSA Director testified before congress that the ability to read your phone helped prevent “dozens of terrorist events”.

The next day, Oregon Senator Ron Wyden and Colorado Senator Mark Udall essentially called him a liar.

“Gen. Alexander’s testimony yesterday suggested that the NSA’s bulk phone records collection program helped thwart ‘dozens’ of terrorist attacks, but all of the plots that he mentioned appear to have been identified using other collection methods,”

A survey of court records and media accounts, backs up the senators’ claim.

Whether the domestic spy program exceeds legality or whether it’s even more than “technically legal” in the first place has been strongly debated over the last several years, and is much too involved for a short post like this. For those of you that are interested in the subject, as a public service, (and since I’m such a nice guy, cough, cough) here’s a great link to check out.

To be fair to all the “Goggle-heads” out there, Google also has an encryption program. And, surprise, the spooks don’t seem to have a problem with it. That’s probably because encryption isn’t the default setting. You are required to get into the settings, turn it on and wait for an hour or so for scramblization. (Is that a word?) Needless to say, Google encryption doesn’t get used a lot.
However, next month (October) that will change. In their new operating system, encryption will be the default. (Expect another agency news conference letting the terrorists know that there’s another platform on which they can hide their nefarious deeds.)

Security consultant Jonathan Zdziarski, who has taught government agencies how to collect phone data, likes what Apple (and Google) are doing, but has a few words of warning.

 “The biggest mistake consumers can ever make in this situation is to assume that the information on their device is completely safe [...] Even with iOS 8’s big improvements, assume the data on your mobile device could potentially be accessed, and act accordingly.”

If an iPhone has been tied to a computer belonging to a surveillance target, there are tools to bypass the encryption, although it’s a heck of a lot harder.

“I can do it. I’m sure the guys in suits in the governments can do it.”

Also, if you own a pre-“6″ iPhone, iPad or iTouch and upgrade to iOS 8, it won’t stop government snooping. It has to be a “6” or later device.

As to his overall thoughts on the situation Mr Zdziarski stated:

“Eliminating the iPhone as one source I don’t think is going to wreck a lot of cases. There is such a mountain of other evidence from call logs, email logs, iCloud, Gmail logs. They’re tapping the whole Internet.”

In other words, it’s not quite the end of western civilization, it’s just going to make some spooks work harder. (And, hopefully be more selective of their targets.)

 

Phyllis Schlafly Ended The Cold War! Whoda Thunk It?

bachmann_AP110813138762You’d think, what with “retiring” from the House a step ahead of an ethics investigation and being investigated by the FBI (That one won’t go away with “retirement”) that Michele (Coo Coo For Cocoa Puffs) Bachmann would try to keep a low profile. But where’s the money in that?

“Mother Michele”, as I call her, is like Ann Coulter, (aka “The Wicked Witch of the Northeast“) unless she’s spouting insanities, no one pays any attention to her. Then who’s gonna pay her those hefty speakers fees? Without that congressional salary, she’s going to need those fees. (Washington defense lawyers don’t come cheap!) Also, last I heard, her hubby’s “pray-the-gay-away” scam wasn’t working all that well.

In her latest bit of marketing the “Bachmann brand”, she sat down for an interview with World News Daily.

For those of you who haven’t been to WND, I’ll try to explain it. If you’re a “lefty”, it’s kind of like “The Onion”, but without any intentional humor. If you’re a “righty”, it’s the gospel according to Ann Coulter, Ted Nugent, Andrew Napolitano, Chuck Norris and their ilk.

WARNING: Watching the interview is not for those with a low nausea threshold. However, if you are into unintentional black humor, (No, I’m not talking about Obama jokes.) there are some yucks to be had.

For those of you with low nausea thresholds, I’ll save you the agony of watching the whole six minutes and forty-six seconds. Instead, I’ll simply share my favorite brain farts from the interview. Ladies and gentlemen, the brilliance of Bachmann:

“I believe that Phyllis Schlafly is the most consequential female woman in public policy in the last fifty years of the 20th Century.  Had there not been a Phyllis Schlafly, I believe that we wouldn’t have seen a rise of the pro-family movement. Had there not been a rise of the pro-family movement, I don’t believe that there would have been a Ronald Reagan. Without a President Ronald Reagan, I don’t think we would have seen the ability to defeat the evil, and yes that’s what it was, Soviet empire and to bring a conclusion to the Cold War. Just as Ronald Reagan was consequential, Phyllis Schlafly was extremely consequential because she was a tee to tee up this president that we had.”

She admits Saint Reagan had something to do with the fall of the U.S.S.R. (after Phylis paved his way). She forgets, or more likely, never knew that the real reason was the U.S.S.R.’s economic collapse, due primarily to spending money on the military that should have been spent on infrastructure and production. (Btw, the U.S.’s military budget comprises 42.8% of the total world military expenditures. We spend six times as much as #2 (China).)

“As far as I am concerned, Phyllis Schlafly truly is the epitome of womanhood and she is a woman that every young girl can pattern their life after and should choose to emulate.”

Another reason Mz Schlafly is her heroine, is because when it comes to the Equal Rights Amendment, “Phyllis was smack in the middle of that!” It’s true, she was! She was fighting tooth, hammer, pick and nail AGAINST IT! She goes on, “Everything Phyliss said, you could take to the bank!” (Well, Phyliss certainly did, anyway.)

As a professional snarkist, I’d like to say that I’ll miss Mother Michele when she’s gone. I’d like to, but fortunately (or un) she’s not going away. (At least till the end of the FBI investigation.) She’ll be a regular on the Right-Wing Rubber Chicken Circuit. Who knows, maybe she’ll team up with Sarah (Governor Half-Term) Palin. (Couldn’t you just see them as a duet singing “Sisters”?)

Bridge Blockade FAIL? (It’s Some Cartel’s Fault!)

post-30345-0-83381800-1344813474 copyThis is a followup to yesterday’s followup to the latest foul up by the military mental midgets of the “Murican Militia (bowel) Movement”. For those of you who haven’t perused yesterday’s post, (Shame on you!) I’ll give you a quick “catch-up”.

It seems one of the Rambo wannbee groups, “Secure Our Border – Larado” decided it was time to take a stand and keep all those cartel card carryin’, cantaloupe thighed, ISIS assassins disguised as 10-year-old Central Americans, out of the U.S., before they got under our beds.

They decided that they were going to block ever last mother-lovin’ bridge linking Mexico to Texas. All seventeen a’ them S.O.B’s!txdot70000 They’re fightin’ the “RIGHT” fight, folks, so give ‘em a hand! (Or at least a finger.) Wahoo!

They were to be joined in this ignoble adventure, by such other Confederate flag flyin’, Real American freedom fries, I mean fighters, as the Oath (make that “Oaf”) Keepers and the Three Percenters & Patriots. (These are the type of people that put the “ass” in Texass!)

Claiming they had over 20,000 Bubbas & Bubbets bitin’ at the bit to blockade the bridges, they set the date for September 20, 2014 (last Saturday).

And, since Texass is “open carry” country, bring your blunderbusses.

Saturday arrived, but only five out of the 20,000 showed up. Four, not counting the organizer. Hell, Vanilla Ice draws a better crowd than that. (Well, maybe not.) This was the biggest wing-nut FAIL since “American Spring“!ElPasoSt copyWha’ Hoppen?

Thanks to “Corporal Beck and his Z-Team” over at The Blaze, (aka “Conspiracies-R-Us Central”) the “truth” can now be told.

According to The Blaze, Stasyi Barth explained what happened.

“It was [a] cartel threatening a blood bath [...] One of the organizers was being followed and was verbally told not to go.”

Mz Barth did not identify the threatening cartel, nor provide any proof to her claim.

Anyway, between 5 in the morning and bridge blocking time, they managed to contact every participant (except 5) and tell them not to show up. That’s amazing in and of itself, when you think about it.

Ron Cupp, the event’s founder (and one of the 5 attendees) had a different cop-out. The whole thing was a “fake-out” to see how many law enforcement types they could tie-up.

No word as to why he didn’t get the “cartel did it” memo. Also, no word as to why he wasn’t told not to show up. It just made him look stupid! (And, wouldn’t he be the one to make the no-show decision in the first place?)

There’s another possible explanation: The militias were told by law enforcement that if they blocked the bridges, they’d be arrested. “Open carry” is only fun when the other side is unarmed. And, strutting around is only fun outside of a jail cell.

 

 

 

 

 

Bubbas’ Bridge Blockades Bomb!

Chris-Davis-Laredo-Sector-Militia-Commander copy(The dude in the center is Militia Commander Chris Davis. He was kicked out of the army one step ahead of a court marshal, but he still likes to play soldier.) Photo:MySanAntonio.com.

The ‘Murican patriot gun butt-heads were at it again. Or at least the “Secure Our Border – Larado” section of the insanity ward. From some reports, they were to be aided by idiots from the Oath Keepers, and the Three Percenters & Patriots outhouses. The grand plan this time was to blockade the international bridges between Texas and Mexico. (Mighty big operation for some mighty small minds.)

KRGV in Rio Grande Valley, Texas had the story:

In the story, Rio Grande City’s mayor expressed some concerns.

“I’m not going to lie to you; it’s going to make us nervous. We’re not used to seeing firearms being openly displayed. [...] If they’re here to block traffic, to be a hindrance between traffic and the port of entry, that causes a problem. It’s a huge safety issue. [...] A port of entry is not just a port of entry for people; it’s also a port of entry for commerce. There are hundreds of millions of dollars that transact at the ports of entry. If their intent is to cause a disruption at a port of entry, it’s not only a matter of people, it’s a matter of commerce as well”

The Border Patrol, the National Guard, the Department of Public Safety and local law enforcement were preparing “just in case”.

The date was set: September 20, 2014. (Last Saturday)

Spokesperson Barbie Rogers told a Fox TV station (of course) that they had more than enough volunteers to blockade every international bridge in Texas.

“It is peaceful and has nothing to do with the militia. We’re going to pull up 200 feet away from the ports of entry, and they are going to get out of their cars and close the ports down. No traffic will be coming in or out.”

txdot70000Well, Saturday showed up on time and so did the blockaders. All five of them! Actually, if you discount the organizer, only four showed up.

Shades of “American Spring“!