A couple of days ago, I wrote a post on one of crazy uncle Pat Robertson’s pontifications. That particular pontification was on the urgent need to have armed guards in church. It seems there’s a war on “Christians” (More on that coming up.) and churches are dangerous places to be unarmed.
It is true, that if you go to church religiously every week for 11 years, you have a 1 in 25,000 chance of sitting in your pew when a shooting occurs. That’s 1 in 14,300,000 every time you enter the chapel. (I get cold sweats every time I think about it. But then I remember that I’m not a subscriber to any of the current prevailing mythologies, and I haven’t been inside a church in decades.)
Anyway, it got me started thinking about all the other dumb things Pat has pondered over time. I needed a good chuckle so I decided to put together a list of his “All-timers”. But then I discovered there were soooo many!
I pruned and pared on my Apple until I ended up with the following juicy fruits. (Oooh, sorry ’bout that one.) Like all lists of this sort, it is entirely subjective. If you have a fave that didn’t make the list, feel free to quote it in the comment section. It should make for some fun reads.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, without further ado (as opposed to adieu) may I present, straight from the horse’s mouth (the nether one) :
“REVEREND ROBERTSON’S TOP 17 GREATEST MISSES”
(70% more insanity than your average “Top Ten” list.)
#17 Planned Parenthood’s Real Job
“Planned Parenthood is teaching kids to fornicate, teaching people to have adultery, every kind of bestiality, homosexuality, lesbianism – everything that the Bible condemns.” The 700 Club, (4/9/1991)
#16 Importing Hinduism
“Vishnu, Hare Krishna. The origin of it is all demonic. We can’t let that stuff come into America.”
#15 Episcopalians, Methodists & Presbyterians Are The Spirit of the Anti-Christ
“You say you’re supposed to be nice to the Episcopalians and the Presbyterians and the Methodists and this, that, and the other thing. Nonsense, I don’t have to be nice to the spirit of the Antichrist.” The 700 Club, (1/14/1991)#14 God As Holy Hit Man
“Lord, give us righteous judges who will not try to legislate and dominate this society. Take control, Lord! We ask for additional vacancies on the court.“
#13 Blasted Are the Peacemakers
“Maybe we need a very small nuke thrown off on Foggy Bottom to shake things up”
#12 The Bible Belt Doesn’t Pray Enough
“If enough people were praying, (God) would’ve intervened. You could pray. Jesus stilled the storm. You can still storms.”
#11 Haiti’s Deal With the Devil
“Haitians were originally under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon the third, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you will get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it’s a deal.”
#10 Gay Day at Disney World? God’ll Get You For That!
“…a condition like this will bring about the destruction of your nation. It’ll bring about terrorist bombs; it’ll bring earthquakes, tornadoes, and possibly a meteor.”
#9 Gays, the Gateway to Pedophilia & Beastiality
“…if we take biblical standards away in homosexuality, what about the other? And what about bestiality and ultimately what about child molestation and pedophilia?”
#8 Gays Will Infect You With Their Poison Rings
“So if they got the stuff they’ll have a ring, you shake hands and the ring’s got a little thing where you cut your finger. Really. It’s that kind of vicious stuff, which would be the equivalent of murder.”
#7 Lefties Kill Babies to Make Lesbians Equal
“If they abort their babies, then that kind of puts them on a level playing field.”
#6 Husbands Cheat, But It’s the Wife’s Fault.
“Here’s the secret. Stop talking the cheating. He cheated on you, well, he’s a man.”
#5 Divorce is a “No-No”, Unless Your Wife is Very Sick
“I know it sounds cruel, but if he’s going to do something, he should divorce her and start all over again, but to make sure she has custodial care and somebody (is) looking after her.”
#4 Big Daddy Told Him Willie Would Win
“He’s going to have a second term. He’s going to win. Romney will win the election. Cause the Lord told me.”
#3 Pat Predicts That Terrorist Attacks Will Kill Millions In 2007
“There’s a possibility that — not a possibility, a definite certainty that chaos is going to rule,”
#2 Liberals Want to Destroy Christians.
“Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It’s no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians.” 1993 Interview with Molly Ivins
#1(a) Pat’s Pro Pot
“I really believe we should treat marijuana the way we treat beverage alcohol,”
#1(b) Pat’s Anti Pot
“Do you want your little 8th grader to be stoned when he goes to school? Well, welcome to Colorado, where pot is legal.”
(Earth to Pat: Teen usage of pot in Colorado has declined since legalization.)
And to think this is a former presidential candidate. He even placed 2nd in the 1988 Iowa Republican primary. (Which says a lot about Iowa repugnuts.)
Hope you enjoyed the list. You can add any missed favorites in the comments.