The Duggars put me in mind of that old tune: “How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away?” (Not that I would, even then.)
In their continuing campaign to get back into the Benjamins, the Duggars have been highly pro-active. From their begging for money to make more videos of themselves, to pitching a TV series with them as “sexual abuse councilors” (after we found out Josh likes to have finger fun with his younger sisters) to a fake missionary scam with daughter Jill and hubby, to a team-up with Hucksterbee on his latest scam (No, not his presidential wannabe one. That one is on-going, but seems to be going nowhere!)
Now, Michelle, the country’s premier Stepford Wife*, is dispensing marriage advice. Not that this is the 1st time. The walking baby factory has spread her wisdom (among other things) many times before. (*Stepford Wife: a servile, compliant, submissive, spineless wife who happily does her husband’s bidding and serves his every whim dutifully.)
This season’s marriage council comes courtesy of the Duggar Family Blog. The advice, ostensibly is in answer to a query by one of her multitude of fans. However, you have to wonder if it isn’t really aimed at daughter-in-law Anna, whose marriage to sexual predator Josh, seems to be a ship on the rocks. To save you the onerous job of mucking your way through, I’ll run over the lowlights.
1. Don’t be rude when he’s in the mood!
Anyone can iron Jim Bob’s shirt, anybody can make lunch for him. He can get his lunch somewhere else. But you are the only one who can meet that special need that he has in his life for intimacy. You’re it. You’re the only one. So don’t forget that, that he needs you. So when you are exhausted at the end of the day, maybe from dealing with little ones, and you fall into bed so exhausted at night, don’t forget about him because you and he are the only ones who can have that time together.
(Are you listening, Anna?)
2. Don’t put your dirty laundry on display!
Talk privately. We always say in our family, we praise publicly, but we correct privately.
(Because, when the public finds out, we lose money.)
3. Get Big Daddy’s take on your troubles!
Listen to to messages from scriptural teachers together. Through the years as we have gone to marriage retreats, Jim Bob and I have tried to take time out as a couple to listen to messages from other couples that have either learned from their mistakes or from others with the Christian perspective that we share.
(Beats paying those high-toned professional marriage councilors.)
So, there you have it, Anna. If you don’t take care of your husband’s horny, somebody else will. And, it’s your fault! So, shut up about it and go read the bible until he gets the urge for a little “spread eagle.”
(On a totally unrelated side note, did you know that 18 of the Duggar rug rats have J as a 1st initial? I wonder why that is? No “Jesus” in the bunch, probably because that’s mainly a Hispanic name. You know how troglodytes feel about Hispanics.)